How to Be a Gay Lady – Manners for the Modern Lesbian: Lesson Five

Now then ladies, it’s been a whole fortnight since our last discussion, so tell me, please, how did you go? How many lovely gay ladies have you left swooning in the wake of your new and politely charming seductive strategies? I’ve been waiting patiently to hear all your success stories of hot, well-mannered lovin’ and contemplating how best to proceed from here. Maybe it’s time for first date etiquette? Morning after etiquette, perhaps? But then I realised how long it’s been since you first scurried out into the world with your eyes shining bright with hope and your new manners polished as brightly as your sneakers…two whole weeks! That’s at least eighteen months in gay lady dating years. You’re clearly way beyond all that amateur dating stuff: Let’s talk about relationships.

Oh yes gay ladies, you did just hear me right. Etiquette is still important in relationships, no matter how settled and established they are. Just because you’ve bagged the girl, doesn’t mean you can just relax and let it all go, no indeed! As all properly qualified relationship experts will tell you, bad manners are the number one reason worldwide for relationship failure. Show that special gay lady in your life just how much you care, by remembering to say please and thank you and apologising unreservedly when you f-ck sh-t up. But those are just the basics. Here are my crucial tips for long-term relationship etiquette:

Move in Together

The sooner the better. If you don’t move in with her by the end of your fifth week of dating, your ladyfriend will quickly come to believe that you’re just not that into her. Before you know it, you’ll be dumped and out for ‘just friends’ coffee with your now ex-ladyfriend while she tells you all about Laura, the new love of her life who cut her a door key after two wonderful nights together and the cat they now share. For the love of god, ladies, do not by any means hesitate: Move in at once! You’ll be amazed at how much Quality Intimate Lady Time you’ll suddenly have once you start spending every waking moment in each other’s presence.

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