At last night’s MTV Movie Awards, Robert Pattinson presented his Water for Elephants co-star Reese Witherspoon with the Generation Award. He introduced her by saying she was “33 percent lesbian.” After the show, Reese told MTV News how she felt about it.
It was good — except for Rob Pattinson. I mean, really: He called me 33 percent lesbian, which was a gross underestimation.
When asked by MTV what a more accurate percentage would be, she said “At least 55 [percent]. I mean, what? Not enough.”
Just to be accurate, we should probably help Reese figure out her true percentage of lesbianism. All we have to base it on is the following:
1. Lesbian rumors.
2. Lesbian sports.
Reese plays softball.
3. Lesbian kisses.
Reese made out with Brittany Murphy in Freeway. And while she didn’t partake in the girl-on-girl, she was in Cruel Intentions, which is worth mentioning. Also, she starred in Election, which had a lesbian character.
But now we must factor in the following: She’s married, with kids, and has not publicly announced a girl crush. Admittedly, I’m not that fabulous at doing math, but I do believe this computes to about 33 percent lesbian, and therefore, Robert is correct. Sorry, Reese — you’ll have to work a little harder to reach that 55 you aim for!
Now, Robert, can you please give us an indication of how lesbian Kristen Stewart is? You appear to be an expert.