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“House of Cards” recap (2.12): Stacking the Lies

Ooh, we’re diving right in. You know who else is diving right in? Special prosecutor Dunbar, who is already in vaguely untrustworthy marriage counselor Dr. Larkin’s office. Larkin says everything said in that room is under a covenant of confidentiality between him and The Lord, and Dunbar, already silently wondering how hard she’s going to loofah to get all the creep dust off her, says he and the Lord can take a deep breath and cough up anything to do with money laundering, Feng, Tusk, or casinos, so let’s get hawking.

Larkin glibly admits that he was never conducting any real therapy-I knew it!-and says nope, it was all religious work, all the time. Dunbar hates being here so much. I bet she occasionally fantasizes about working in fast food restaurants just for all the people who would give her simple answers to direct questions.

Dunbar uncoils a little bit and points out that the Walkers never attended Larkin’s church, and aren’t even the same denomination. Which is suddenly making Larkin’s claim about being their spiritual advisor seem a little thin. Larkin is not backing down. Go on and look Dunbar in the face and see if she will be either.

I know we’ve got an embarrassment of riches in terms of great performances on this show, but can we talk about how hard Elizabeth Marvel is rocking it as Heather Dunbar? This could have been a pretty thankless role, and instead she has come in very, very late in the game here and turned her character into an implacable Greek Fury of justice. I love how she shows just how much she hates wrongdoing and how much more than that she hates lying and how much more than that she hates it when she is constrained by the rules from calling people on it. She’s a force of nature that Frank has unleashed who might just tear the whole place down. And I buy every second of it.

Frank enters the Oval Office to find Walker having a moment-and to find that Walker has re-hung the heavy bag that Frank gave him. Walker says that Floyd Mayweather stopped by… And, oh, dear, taught the President enough about the strategy of boxing-the calculating, the setup, the waiting for the right moment to strike-for Walker to finally realize that Frank set him up, but good. Backchanneling, Linda Vasquez, special prosecuting, Tusk, and everything. Oh, my.

…And yet, Walker still manages to be wrong. He says Frank is undercutting him so he can challenge Walker in 2016. He just doesn’t get the Underwoods at all. Frank points out that Vice Presidents don’t challenge sitting Presidents (er, not in elections…), but Walker keeps pulling the thread, keeps unraveling. He’s close enough to the truth to be very pissed off. Walker says he won’t make things worse for himself by asking for Frank’s resignation, but effectively banishes him from meetings-no talking, no showing his face.

“Exiled,” Frank tells us as he leaves Walker’s office. “I’ve managed to isolate the President from everyone, including myself.”

Jackie Sharp reads aloud from Megan Hennesey’s New York Times interview, hearing Claire whispering behind the words. Megan’s accusing Sharp of being brainwashed by the military, and of stopping women from getting justice by opposing Claire’s bill. Wow-we haven’t seen Jackie this pissed off before. She announces that it’s time to beat down Claire. DRAGON FIGHT!

Meanwhile, at Murky Towers, Claire tries to soothe and confuse Tricia Walker, telling her that Garrett has just “misconstrued” what she and Frank have been up to. Frank listens in as Claire coos and wheedles to try to enlist Tricia on his behalf, but Tricia’s rabbit senses kick in, and she suddenly knows that Frank must be listening, that she’s in trouble, and she hangs up.

Frank and Claire are in plotting mode, smoking openly and wondering if Tricia told anyone else about the Xanax. Frank says that the doctor/fake counselor won’t leak the information about Xanax unless someone waives his or her privilege, and the Walkers have nothing to gain by waiving their privilege. “But we do,” says Claire. And that’s that.

In the Halls of Power, Frank sends Seth to meet with Tusk and sends Doug to get Dunbar. Time to fight chaos with chaos.

Gavin the Parrot listens to crazy electronic music as he waits for the FBI to arrive. As they cuff him, he asks for Agent Green. He asks calmly, quietly, very sure of himself; letting these lesser agents know that he has information way above their pay grade. One of the cannonfodder agents goes to turn off the music and Gavin directs him to a screen: The access grid to all of AT&T’s data centers. The agents uncuff Gavin with uncommon gentleness. I hope he makes them peel Cashew a couple of grapes.

Frank meets with Secretary of State Durant, trying to get her to give Feng asylum, only no one mentioned to him that today is Everyone Catches on to Frank’s Bullshit Day. Durant knows damn well that Frank wants to knock the President on his ass, and she’s tired of dealing with all this backchanneling damage control nonsense instead of actually making the world a better place. Frank floats the notion that Walker is paranoid and fails, then rolls one hell of a big pair of dice: If Frank undermines the President, wouldn’t Durant and the country both benefit?

Looks like Frank rolled a 7-Durant is on the phone with Feng, undermining the President with a little help from special prosecutor Dunbar, who is really goddamned serious about her job. Feng tries to play it cool since he has temporary asylum in Dubai, but Durant isn’t screwing around today: Between the U.S. and China, his fortune gets frozen and his welcome gets yanked in every country in the world. Unless he’d like to confirm the money laundering scheme. Feng weighs the various pros and cons of being a billionaire playboy versus being a broke fugitive in about .03 nanoseconds and says yup, there was money laundering. Right through that casino.

Tusk walks into a room full of lawyers. He’s been subpoenaed, and they suggest he show up and answer some questions. His session is in 48 hours. Tusk is not used to this sort of treatment- having to show up and answer things. It rankles.

Lisa leaves a grocery store, unaware that Doug is creepwatching her the whole time. Wouldn’t you know it? She has car trouble, and there he is with jumper cables. Ick ick ick ick ick.

Rachel waits with concern at the Depression Arms and… here’s “Peter,” who drove Lisa and her groceries back. Lisa offers a glass of water, but “Peter” has to go. Rachel makes up an excuse and rushes out after Doug, who says that Lisa needs to leave now, even though he said she could stay. Doug says he doesn’t need to explain himself, just like Rachel never seems to elaborate on their Bible study sessions.

Rachel has been busy growing a spine, though, hissing at Doug that he just can’t stand it that she might love someone. Doug responds that if she cares about Lisa, Rachel should make sure she’s gone. Lisa comes out to join them and Doug turns back into Eddie Haskell and leaves, chattering about what a good samaritan he is. Ugh.

And the MSNBC House of Cards cameo lineup is nearly complete: Chris Hayes interviews Megan Hennessey… And suddenly Jackie Sharp is calling in and it’s all about her and Megan sparring. (I kind of love Chris Hayes for doing this. It takes a confident man to take on the role of knowing when it’s best to step back let the chicks do the talking.)

Jackie calls out Claire on the air for dodging the issue and having Megan fight her battles for her. Dragon. Fight. It is on, y’all. Claire watches, ramrod straight, wondering what to do. Does she call in too? Jackie Sharp stuns Megan into silence by calling Claire disgraceful for running from her battles. Oh, holy crap, the look on Claire’s face. If Jackie Sharp wants an open battle, she may have one.

Frank hears about Tusk’s subpoena from the Bill the White House counsel and claims to be shocked to learn that Durant has given Feng asylum. That’s going to focus prosecutorial attention on the White House, which Frank pretends to be unconcerned about, what with all the innocence lying around. Bill also wants to talk about the therapy-Oh, if only someone would waive the confidentiality privilege. Frank, wanting Bill to give in, tells him not to. Bill wonders if anyone else might pop out of the woodwork. Frank says no, and plays the wounded lover in saying that the President could just talk to him about these things.

Claire and Jackie sit at the far end of the longest conference table in the free world as Claire tries a little spinning and gilding. Nice try: Jackie knows damn well that Megan has been spouting Claire’s talking points. Claire says she’s ending the fight by withdrawing the bill. She says she wants to sit down with Jackie and draft a new bill and eat humble pie and braid each other’s hair and – Jackie would like to talk about how Frank had Nancy spy on her and use her personal life against her. Claire admits that Frank goes a teensy bit overboard when it comes to supporting his wife. Can they rebuild their trust with Jackie?

And now Claire goes to torment poor Tricia Walker. She tells Tricia that she’s withdrawing their bill so that Jackie won’t attack Tricia next. Holy crap, Claire is so mean and so good at this. Tricia says that now that Feng has asylum, Garrett feels cornered and they’ll have to waive privilege. Claire takes a moment to say “But what about the medication?” just to be a dick, and lets Tricia rush off. We hear Tricia in the distance, exclaiming “Oh, my ears and whiskers!” and wondering where her gloves are.

Frank properly thanks Claire, massaging her shoulders and leaning in to kiss her. She says she can’t live in Murky Towers alone, and Garrett is a powerful enemy. Frank promises that the Underwoods are yet more powerful and that Claire won’t have to divorce a convict. The Underwoods twine together, feeling their six hearts beat in perfect sync.

The Walkers have an utterly different tete-a-tete, Walker pacing and far from his wife, both of them worried and speaking hurriedly. Feng’s asylum puts their backs against the wall. And Walker, still not seeing all the traps and mirrors that the Underwoods have lined up, reasons that waiving the confidentiality of their counseling sessions can only exonerate him. And so what if word of the medication gets out. Sir. Sir? THIS IS A VERY BAD IDEA.

Tricia’s instincts tell her that this is a terrible idea, that their marriage will get spread all over the papers, and something nags at her that maybe something worse will happen too, but when was the last time someone listened to Tricia? Not even Tricia listens to Tricia. Oh, except for Claire. Whom Trica maaaayyy have told about that medication. Larkin prescribed it to Tricia, knowing that the President would also take it. See? Sleazebag.

Tricia argues that Claire is helping them, but Walker, in the smartest thing he’s said on this show, says “Don’t underestimate her.” Damn skippy you shouldn’t. Tricia begs Garrett not to waive privilege. He says he’ll protect them and their marriage. These two are toast.

Gavin meets a deeply crabby Agent Green. Green doesn’t believe Gavin actually has access to the AT&T servers until he offers up Green’s wife’s romantic texts to her chiropractor. REVENGE IS YOURS, CASHEW! Well, well: Green already knew he’s being cuckolded. No wonder he’s such a dickball.

Gavin explains that he’s been given access to millions of people’s phones thanks to Green’s little entrapment stunt and the FBI. He’d like to know how much making that shitstorm disappear will be worth? Gavin has a few suggestions. 1) He’s out from under Green’s thumb. 2) All of his charges are dropped, and 3) all of Brown’s charges are dropped. Parrot out.

Walker is in Terrible Decision Mode, hoping to allow Larkin to testify, but only on the money laundering, which he never mentioned. Bill’s just going to ask Larkin how he would respond to certain questions if Dunbar happened to bring them up. That is a very shady end of a very gray legal gray area. What could go wrong?

Also pretty grey? Durant’s mood. She’s shut out of the situation room just as China is doubling down. Frank assures her it’s temporary. He tells her to look at where they’re headed, not where they are. Frank gives Durant a pep talk as she tries not to punch him in the face. Finally she sighs and decides to stick with him. Frank asks her to walk him through the Presidential briefing-everything that’s going on in China.

And just as you knew he would from the moment Claire decided it would be valuable, Larkin answers questions from special prosecutor Dunbar. She walks him right into work-related pressures, the President getting enough sleep, and whether or not Larkin prescribed any medications that might have impaired the President’s judgment.

Larkin gives a carefully vetted, delicate answer, and Dunbar is on him like a mountain lion tearing into a weenie roast. Has anyone coached him on his responses? If he tells her now, that counts as a timely declaration and keeps his butt out of jail. Larkin tries to weasel and Dunbar holds him by the collar and slaps him around just for the hell of it before dunking him in a tasty marinade and rubbing cracked pepper and garlic into his flesh. She’d like to know if deliberately lying to her is part of Larkin’s precious ethical code.

And now Claire is lying to Megan, telling her they’re withdrawing the bill because it couldn’t pass. She says they need to accept incremental reform. Oh, and Claire is working with Jackie Sharp now, and hey, at least the issue is on the radar, right? Megan is pissed to discover that they’ll be fake-doing good instead of doing it for real. She calls Claire a fucking coward, so nice knowing you, Megan. Claire says she’s sorry, but there were political realities they couldn’t ignore. “You want to know why so many people hate Washington?” Megan riddles on her way out the door, “It’s because of people like you using phrases like that.”

Remy arrives to see Tusk and Seth admiring a lovely D.C. sunset. Seth has just been telling Tusk about a certain meeting between Remy and Frank in an empty church. Tusk does not care for people who play both sides unless they are named Tusk. Seth takes off to avoid the carnage. Remy tries to reason with Tusk-including pointing out how much Tusk has lost just by refusing to let Frank have the upper dick hand-but he’s already as good as gone. Tusk tells Remy he’s just made 42 billion enemies, but Remy reckons it’s more like 39.5; Tusk’s fortunes are already tumbling. Have we forgotten that Claire said that Tusk should suffer? Because I don’t believe that Claire has.

Frank watches the news of White House Counsel Bill tampering with testimony. Uh-Oh. The Republican Senators we got to know earlier in the season are already peacocking for the cameras, taking umbrage over the coached testimony and over the President seeking psychological help without the American people knowing. They believe their colleagues in the House have enough to consider impeachment.

Frank is rolling now, surfing atop the chaos he’s unleashed. He tells Seth to fully support the President and calls for Ayla. Remy can twist in the wind for a little while, but Jackie should come to Murky Towers tomorrow. DRAGON FIIIIIGHT!

Tusk arrives for his testimony, full of indignation at being subject to actual human laws. Dunbar would like to know about Lanagin, money laundering, and political favors. Tusk would like to plead the Fifth.

Photo by Nathaniel Bell. Image Courtesy of Netflix

Doug, you ratbag. Lisa is scrubbing the tears off her face while Rachel tries to explain. How does one explain a Doug in your life? Rachel says it’s been so fast and she’s not ready for the relationship. Lisa calls bullshit. Rachel pretends she’s not ready for this new life, and again Lisa calls bullshit, more confidently this time. Lisa brings out more relationship truths and Rachel can’t stand it. She tells Lisa to leave for her own good, that she’ll get Lisa hurt, but Lisa thinks she means for the usual reasons and in the usual way, not that Doug is waiting outside right now, deciding how painful things are really going to get.

Lisa knows Rachel too well and won’t believe her, and won’t leave, and it’s awful. And so poor Rachel says the only things she can to save Lisa: “I don’t love you the way that you love me. I was using you because it felt good to have you around.” Rachel keeps going as she watches Lisa break, telling her she wasn’t in love, that she just said the words. Rachel keeps punching: Everything she needs to say until she’s hurt Lisa enough to get her to go.

Lisa won’t even take her stuff. She just leaves. Rachel collapses sobbing. Oh, fuck.

Photo by Nathaniel Bell. Image Courtesy of Netflix

Doug drives through the night, listening to a soothing voice read A Tale of Two Cities, just like his mom used to. He gets a text: “It’s done.” Go to hell, Doug.

Ayla Sayyad is interviewing Frank, surprised that he even wants to talk to her after she’s been dogging his administration. Listen to those instincts, Ayla. Frank notes that the Judicial Committee feels compelled to act in advance of the special prosecutor’s report because of all the media heat. Frank says the hearings were initiated by the press and he’s worried that the President will be tried by the press.

Frank tells her that whatever comes to light will prove the President’s innocence, that he’s never known anyone more honest, ethical, and patriotic than Garrett Walker. Ayla blinks.

Speaking of Garrett Walker, he and his wife are holding a humiliating press conference about their marriage and their marriage counseling. Claire and Frank watch while Feng reads Ayla’s coverage of Frank defending the President. Walker talks about facing his imperfections head-on as the special prosecutor and her team arrive to talk to Feng about a few imperfections of his own.

Jackie arrives at Murky Towers, on point and ready for danger. And also ready to talk about the assault bill, which won’t be happening. It’s time to talk about impeachment. She thinks impeachment can be avoided if they-

…But why, asks Frank, would we avoid such a thing? Why avoid it when we could distance ourselves and the party from a toxic President?

They can protect the President and lose 50 seats and her Whip position and spend 10 years clawing to get all that tasty power back… or Jackie Sharp can whip up the votes for impeachment. She would get Claire’s support for whatever version of the assault bill she wants, and all three of them would stay in power. And they can only rise from there.

Photo by Nathaniel Bell. Image Courtesy of Netflix

Frank tells Jackie that he and she and Claire are cut from the same cloth. Why have a dragon war when the three of them can form a dragon alliance? Trust them: The Underwoods know how to work in threes. Jackie says this is just shy of treason. Frank says it’s just politics.

Jackie tries to get her bearings and bumps into Frank’s battlefield model. She asks what it is, and he explains that it’s something he and Claire have been working on for a very long time.

Won’t she help them finish?

Holy hell, y’all. See you next week.

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