Archive

“House of Cards” recap (2.10): Who watches the watchman?

It’s a full moon, and trouble is brewing. Gavin/Hieronymous Bosch/The Parrot stares out at the night, cuddling Cashew the guinea pig. I love Cashew. And I feel closer to her since we all saw her through her ordeal. A GPS tracking alert goes off on Gavin’s computer, and Gavin says that “someone’s being a bad boy.” Oh, I hope Gavin and Cashew are going to squash a certain FBI agent.

Over at the Depression Arms, Rachel reads aloud to… Oh, dammit, it’s Doug. Doug does a lot of scary stuff, but this fake, forced courtship is really starting to roll over the competition for Most Fucked-Up Aspect of Doug’s Life. Doug’s punishment for this behavior is that Rachel is reading inexpertly from the Bible.

…Only he’s not really listening, he just likes the sound of Rachel’s voice. I have a feeling he’s going to revise that opinion after the “there’s something I need to talk to you about” she just gave him.

Whoa! Who’s that hooded figure zipping up a duffel bag full of explosives? Criminy, it could be literally anyone on this show, going after literally anyone else on this show. I wonder if everyone on House of Cards has ulcers and heightened startle reflexes.

Speaking of bombing, Rachel is bombing at telling the truth to Doug. She says Lisa is going to be staying there for a while. Because, um, her roommate kicked her out. Also Lisa’s mouth gets chilly sometimes. Rachel does some very tentative standing up to Doug, refusing to kick Lisa out, but Doug can’t go as nuts as he’d like to because he gets a text that he has to go to the White House because of a crisis in China.

That’s a pretty foolproof exit line: “Gotta go. Crisis in China.” I think we should all try it at least once this week. Doug says Lisa had better be gone by the next time he and Rachel talk.

Image courtesy of Netflix

Meanwhile, Duffel Man does… Um, something in the superdark. Frank’s Secret Service agents don’t notice.

Frank is severely pissed that Doug took so long getting to the White House, so he knocks him down a peg-Seth did Frank’s briefing, and now has security clearance equal to Doug’s. And Doug is shut out of the meeting. Ouch, Doug. How’s that taste? Maybe this coercive fake relationship isn’t very good for you. Just a thought.

So two Chinese destroyers are doing some ominous lurking around a Japanese island. Maybe over shipping routes? We all know it’s goddamned Tusk again, but let’s call it shipping routes. Japan wants to pursue diplomacy… In the form of some big-ass American ships.

The Secret service guys at Murky Towers are on to Duffel Man and fan out. Gavin watches the feed too. A police car screeches up and the Duffel Avenger makes a run for it.

Ed Meechum wakes up Claire-yes, of course she looks perfect-and says he’ll explain one she’s in the safe room.

Ooh, Robin Wright directed this episode. Claire watches over us all.

In the Big Crisis Meeting, we all try to figure out what the Chinese want and how to get them to get their ships the hell out of there. Someone comes in and whispers to Frank, who whispers to the President.

Whoa-Duffel Man is an anti-choice nut, and the target was Claire. Frank demands that Meechum stay on the case for as long as he needs to. Meechum says he’s happy to stay as long as necessary.

Remy and Jackie Sharp are in bed. Jackie. Psst. He was trying to have an innocent guy murdered on behalf of a parakeet murderer last episode. We formally request that you stop sexing Remy. Remy lazily asks about Jackie’s tattoo, the one of poppies. She says she got it in the army, but won’t tell Remy about it. Remy does some persuading with his fingers.

Jackie tells him, as her arousal grows, that she likes the pain of the tattoo needle. She killed a lot of people in the army, she says. The pain of getting tattooed helped. And then Jackie gives in to pleasure.

That was an agreeably fucked-up little scene. Well done, Ms. Wright.

Shesus H. Criminy, there’s a warship-level crisis going on and someone just tried to blow up Claire and Frank is still obsessing over getting rid of Tusk. JUST KISS ALREADY. Doug will do yet more digging, but Tusk doesn’t leave many footprints.

Frank suggests the casino, which Doug finds dangerous. Seth starts to leap in and Doug whacks him on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper… But Frank wants Seth’s input. Oh, dear, looks like he’s setting his sons at each others’ throats again. Seth suggests using Ayla, since she’s already been connecting dots.

Ayla gets a package. It’s got some Chinese characters in it, meaning “pursue currency.” Follow the money.

Claire arrives at the Whip’s office-and, Claire, may I mention what a compelling combination that short hair and sharply tailored pantsuit is? Is there something you’re trying to tell us?-for a pleasant chat with Jackie Sharp…Who won’t co-sponsor Claire’s military assault bill. She thinks civilian oversight is too extreme.

(And this is the only part of this plotline that doesn’t feel right to me. We’re meant to believe that Sharp is the only woman in the House to oppose this bill because she’s the one with military experience. But surely as a combat veteran Sharp is all too well aware that women in the military tend not to report assaults-or tend to have their reports dismissed-because as things stand, they have to report straight up the chain of command, often to a superior who did the assaulting. I know that the show wants to set up a plot twist that sends Sharp head to head against her sponsor/would-be puppetmaster Frank Underwood, but it feels like a dude wrote this twist, and one who hasn’t been paying attention to the real-life struggle to deal with sexual assault in the military. It’s puzzling, especially given the show’s usual attention to political authenticity.)

To get back to the matter at hand: You know what Claire doesn’t care for? People saying no to Claire. She turns on a dime, looking for points of attack immediately. She accuses Jackie of lying, of trying to distance herself from Claire after the Galloway scandal, of selling out women to grub midterm election votes. Jackie holds firm, saying she’ll actively fight the bill if it goes to the floor in its current form. (But does not, as one of the shrewdest negotiators on this show and as woman who has been in the military, offer an alternate solution. Again, this feels like such an odd misstep.)

Sharp suggests more studies, at which Claire rightly scoffs, and then offers to re-discuss when Jackie gets back from California. Claire hopes Sharp will change her mind, and then powerdykes it on out of there. Daaaamn.

In the Halls of Power, we learn that Japan is starting to military up and China is offended at the attempt to buy them off. The President takes a moment to ask after Claire. Aww, he’s an OK guy in a lot of ways. I hate to see him get eaten. Frank and the President bond over not having slept during the crisis, and then Frank expertly sticks in a skewer and suggests that Walker refresh himself by spending a little time with his wife. Walker admits that that’s not a low-stress activity for him right now. Frank looks like he’s drinking cream as the President says counseling and his marriage in general aren’t going very well.

Whoa! The President fired Christina when Vasquez resigned. That’s a raw deal. And we didn’t even see it. Frank mother-hens the President into taking a nap, then points out that sleep equalizes us all-putting even the powerful on their backs.

Ayla, by far the best reporter the show has ever seen, works the phones. She just figured out the casino travel connection. And she’s also ordered a luxury bus for a bunch of wealthy Chinese passengers who aren’t going to show. Someone’s going to be pissed. I hope she at least sent over a tip.

Back at Murky Towers, Frank and Claire smoke and burnish their scales while they check in. Frank says he’ll talk to Sharp-Claire says she needs Jackie more than ever, and that she, Claire, is damaged goods since the scandal. Frank promises they’ll get the bill passed in that tone that means it’s happening. Claire talks Frank into a cigarette because it’s no fun smoking alone. Claire jokes that they’ve never been quitters. Poor Ed Meechum finally goes home after about 36 hours on the job, and Frank notes how loyal he’s been. He even uses Ed’s first name when he does.

And now the tormenting of Jackie Sharp starts. Nancy, her assistant, is trying not to talk about her, but does admit that she’s seen Remy come by every now and then. Seth says this demand for information is straight from the Veep, and Nancy gives into the teeniest impulse to gossip …since Mr. Danton mostly comes by late at night.

Ooh, a conspiracy whiteboard! It’s… pretty small, actually. All we’ve got on it are Feng, Walker, Lanagin, Underwood, and Tusk. Ayla dogs Lanagin on the phone, and we cut to his side of the conversation to see that Tusk is in the room, giving the universal signal for “Stop this interview or I will parakeet you.” Ayla has her facts lined up and she’s making Tusk sweat. Tusk reaches past Lanagin and hangs up on her.

Next, Tusk is on the phone with Underwood, who’s denying sending Ayla after him. Frank hangs up in a fine mood, then sends Doug to make sure they don’t have any weak spots. Seth brings back the news that Sharp and Remy are sleeping together.

Back at the Telegraph, the editors seem nervous about the one or two eensy libel issues that come along with mentioning that a billionaire industrialist is laundering foreign money through a casino to influence national elections. And since the Telegraph is a financial paper, they’re also a little nervous about taking on Tusk in general.

…And then an assistant walks in, saying Tusk is on the horn for one of the editors. Way to be subtle, Tusk. That last phone call ended like 20 minutes ago, tops. The editor says he’ll call Tusk back. Burn. Ayla says the White House isn’t talking to anyone until after tomorrow’s press briefing, and the editor asks her to walk him through her pile of evidence again. Tusk is right to be sweating.

Frank does a search on the Telegraph’s website to make sure he’s not missing any Tusk-spanking, but no results yet. Next he pulls up a little recreational porn and Meechum walks in, makes a whoops face, and tries to leave discreetly. Frank senses him and has Ed come in anyway. Meechum requests to be assigned to Claire’s detail full-time, which Frank thinks is a fine idea.

Upstairs in the Murky Towers master bedroom, Frank tells Claire about the Secret Service porn faux pas and Claire laughs. She’s watching something a little different-the video Connor kept mentioning of her early interview with Frank. The Underwoods cuddle as we hear just a bit of Claire’s old accent.

Frank turns off the video and asks Claire straight out whether she misses being with Adam. She says that Adam meant a lot to her, but that’s done now. This is an interesting and honest marriage. Claire asks Frank if he’s unsatisfied, and he says there’s just too much at stake now and no one they can trust for their old arrangement of being free to pursue casual affairs. They’ve chosen the rush that comes from power instead. The Underwoods nuzzle atop their pile of treasure and decide they probably did the right thing.

Jackie Sharp bustles into her office, dropping luggage and shedding high heels to find Frank there waiting for her. They share about 45 seconds’ worth of banter about the Golden Gate bridge before Frank gets to Claire’s bill. He mirror’s Claire’s attack mode, pointing out immediately that Jackie owes that office to him. Jackie’s not interested in being a puppet and she’s not cosponsoring this version of the bill.

Jackie says she doesn’t want to fight about this and suddenly Frank is giving orders instead of the usual light threatening. Jackie tells him to take a hike and Frank throws three body blows in a row, telling her that she owes him her re-election, since Frank made those attack ads disappear; that Remy and Tusk should be able to tell her more about those attack ad dollars; and P.S. Frank knows she’s banging Remy. Jackie stares after him as he slams the door.

Frank stops by to compliment Nancy, and reminds her that she’s his eyes and ears. Nancy is pleased and a little flushed. Frank raps his knuckles on the door to prepare for his next fight.

Seth tries to get Doug’s attention, but Doug is all “LA LA LA LA I DON’T HEEEAAAR YOU” until Seth says that the Telegraph finally broke the story-timed to sync up with the President’s press conference. Walker is optimistic about China, but instead he’s getting hammered by questions about Feng and Tusk and PAC money instead. Oh, and what’s up with this Chinese crisis getting resolved when there’s money flowing in from China?

Frank turns to us and acknowledges how big a risk he’s taking. Now everyone is fair game.

Ew, Sean Hannity is on my television, ranting about President Walker. Some genius on the House of Cards production team has given him and Fox News a caption of realistic racial insensitivity: “Indian Givers.”

And hey, Rachel Maddow is back! She seems to be enjoying the scandal, but is no fan of dirty money under everyone’s fingernails. (And Robin Wright got to direct that.)

And here’s Chris Matthews. Wow, cable pundits really enjoy House of Cards. Probably for reasons the rest of us do and then also a few extra ones.

As a cable news pundit, you probably fantasize about slaying dragons a fair amount, but then seeing them up close and all, it’s hard not to admire them, too. Hard not to love them a little or even a lot, especially the fiery old dragons, like Frank and Claire, who have built up so much power and skill. Sure, you want to slay those dragons and you know they are dangerous, but how can you resist admiring the sheer power and ripple of their muscles as they suddenly twist and change directions in mid-air?

In the Oval Office, Walker is hearing that YES, the Attorney General needs to investigate this. The White House counsel thinks that shutting up is a good idea legally, but also knows that it looks shadier every second that goes by without addressing it. And, yes, Walker’s friendship with Tusk looks pretty bad. His numbers with the crucial parakeet voting bloc are plummeting.

The White House counsel leaves, telling them not to talk about this without him, and then Walker and Frank immediately do. Was this Frank’s little secret? Um, yes. And it leads directly to the White House, thanks to that deal where the bridge went through and then magically the attack ads stopped. Frank says the President will be cleared because he didn’t know about it, but Walker’s pretty sure that you don’t walk away clean from a mudbath, even if it’s someone else’s and you didn’t know what you were stepping in.

Frank plays Walker like a harp, using false logic and irritation to fish him into getting a special prosecutor. Frank promises to take the fall for this mess.

Meanwhile, Jackie is twelve kinds of pissed at Remy. She’s furious that he was willing to watch her lose and Remy says he was just respecting the professional boundaries she set up: no special treatment. Which is some serious bullpuckey. Jackie asks Remy if he was sleeping with her to get information on Frank, and there we are: There’s too much suspicion and poison for anything good to happen between them anymore.

Image courtesy of Netflix

Claire’s getting briefed on her new security protocols: Basically she gets to do nothing she wants to do until the death threats stop multiplying. She’s annoyed because she wants to go out and support her bill, but that’s a tough one to argue.

Frank says that the President is skeptical of his advice, and Claire immediately offers to call Tricia. They really do work in tandem these two. Frank doesn’t want to look like he’s going behind the President’s back, though-he just has to hope he’s manipulated Walker into doing the right (wrong) thing. Claire tells Frank never to doubt himself, because the Underwoods are a Successories poster factory for sociopaths.

Never doubt yourself. Keep believing until you have lured your enemy into his own destruction.

Achievement. It’s all the sweeter if you’ve murdered someone to get it.

Teamwork. Because everyone needs a solid alibi.

Frank walks into the yard and Meechum follows. Frank asks Ed to have a seat, against Secret Service protocol. Frank admits that he’s been missing Meechum while he’s been on Claire’s detail, then offers him a swig of beer, also very much against protocol. He asks Meechum why he’d take a bullet for someone else. Claire comes out and the two toast Edward Meechum’s loyalty. And then they look at him, cocking their heads at this strange and useful creature and making the same suppressed noises that cats make deep in their throats when they’re watching birds through the window. I think Meechum is about to take a different kind of bullet.

Tusk is in his limo, pissing and moaning about how he’s on his way to his lawyers office, just for a petty thing like letting massive amounts of foreign money influence U.S. elections to satisfy his personal whims. I mean, you’d think people would have better things to talk about. God. Tusk ask Remy to make sure Underwood suffers the most in this. Tusk notes that his stockholders don’t care if he’s a dick as long as the company stays flush, but Frank doesn’t have that kind of luxury.

Tusk tells Remy to go after the Congressional leadership so they’ll turn on Frank-especially that Jackie Sharp. Uh-oh.

Back in the Oval Office, we have conferring and lawyer talk going on. They’re already talking special prosecutors. Frank suggests waiting for months in order to goad the President into acting immediately. The only thing Frank loves more than arguing someone into something he want is deliberately losing an argument for something he doesn’t want.

Doug, Frank, and Seth have a war conference. Seth says to avoid official statements, but he’ll make some off-the-record calls to say that Frank welcomes the investigation, blah blah blah. Doug wants to vet Seth’s list, but Frank wants Doug busy with other things.

Seth leaves, but Doug stays and asks Frank not to contradict him in front of Seth. He doesn’t want to be undermined. Good luck with that, Doug. Doug says he’s Frank’s failsafe and needs to be treated as such and free to operate as such. Frank, on the other hand, is pissed that Doug is talking office politics in the middle of a crisis. Doug, a powder keg who can manifest anywhere in the world at will, gets a dressing down for being distracted.

Speaking of distractions, Doug waits outside Rachel’s place. She gets in his car. Doug says Lisa can stay; he trusts Rachel to be smart. And then he asks Rachel to read to him. Ew. He asks her to read A Tale of Two Cities because his mom used to read it to him. Ewwwwww. Rachel reads in terrible rhythms, just the least soothing thing in the world, which is the perfect acting choice. Doug closes his eyes to listen and lose himself.

Image courtesy of Netflix

Rachel answers her phone to no one. On the other end of the line, Gavin and Cashew spin around in a chair. Looks like the girl nobody was supposed to find just got found.

Gavin watches Doug’s car move across a GPS landscape and cranks his music higher.

Gotta go. Crisis in China. I’ll see you next week.

Lesbian Apparel and Accessories Gay All Day sweatshirt -- AE exclusive

Related Articles

Leave a Reply

Back to top button