“Hand aufs Herz” recap: Talking About a Revolution

Emma goes to visit Mr. Heisig, the hottest guidance counselor on the face of the earth, to try to sort out the Dumb Kids and Potential Lesbian thing. Mr. Heisig walks to his filing cabinet and produces a preprinted brochure called Coming Out At School: Folllow Your Heart. It’s amazing. It’s the most amazing thing I have ever seen. In American schools, I think you get expelled if you even look at another girl. (Just kidding, you only get expelled if you try to take another girl to prom.) Mr. Heisig says he’ll also try to sort out the thing about Emma getting transferred to St. Brutus’ Secure Centre for Incurably Criminal Girls.

Emma has a chance to get back into class with regular kids. All she has to do is give a presentation — immediately! — on the American Civil Rights movement. Emma’s feeling pretty awesome about her speech, until Jenny arrives late to class and has a seat right in front of her. You know how people are always saying if you get nervous speaking in front of a crowd, you should imagine the crowd naked? That idea does not work well for Emma. She looks at Jenny and starts stuttering and blushing and practically fainting on the spot.

Gotting is like, “Right, you’re even stupider than I thought. Back to the cupboard under the stairs with you.” And, once again, Jenny threatens to throttle someone for even having the nerve to even frown at her girlfriend.

Out in the hallway, Emma snaps at Jenny: “I cannot function when you’re around me!” And Jenny explains it’s because the function Emma wants to be performing around Jenny is not taking tests and giving speeches. No, making monkey is the function Emma wants to be performing, and Jenny wants it too and they could have something really special if Emma would just calm down. Emma says she doesn’t want to be special, she wants to be normal.

And Jenny watches her clomp away. Again.

It’s not just the price of sandwiches that has gone up under the Gotting Regime. Now all the kids that aren’t morons are required to cough up 200 euros for a field trip, and if they refuse to do it, they’re getting shunted to the supply closet with the rest of the chimpanzees. (Also, I think Hotte says that the field trip is to a Scientology recruiting center, which is the greatest thing plotline I have ever heard of.) The students have had it up to here with Gotting. In London when people want something, they strike. And who’s from London, where strikes are as rampant as kissing strangers? Jenny! And so she is going to lead a school-wide revolution — set to the soundtrack of Tracy Chapman’s “Revolution” — which includes taking over the actual school building.

Just in case you weren’t already convinced of Jenny’s badassery, let me also point out that she will be leading this revolution … in her pajamas. Seriously, someone explain her NEON PINK pants to me. 

In the middle of the students’ sign-painting campaign, the electricity goes off. It gets really cold really fast when the sun sets. Emma’s teeth are chattering like some kind of hypothermic chipmunk because she refuses to get under Jenny’s blanket with her. It’s a magic blanket. It’s the thickness of a towel, but Jenny is wrapped up in it and she’s not cold at all. When she finally convinces Emma to use, like, one corner of it to cover up her foot, Emma stops shivering too. They stare at each other, the way they do, and Emma goes, “I, um, have something I want to tell you. You might not want to hear it, but—” And then she lunges forward and finally kisses Jenny again.

They kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss and Jenny’s like, “Are you still cold?” And Emma’s all, “I am the opposite of cold.” And then Hotte wakes up and is like, “Oh, and you’re also the opposite of straight!”

Emma asks him not to tell anyone because it was just another in a long series of experiments she’s been doing on Jenny’s lips. (Soft? Check. Sweet? Check. Nibble-able? Check.) Hotte agrees to keep it quiet even as he explains that he never thought of kissing his best mate as a scientific experiment.

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