“Hand aufs Herz” recap: Puppy Love

Jenny, note, is dressed like an actual giraffe.

I mean, just zoom out on this scene for a second: Emma playing puppy hide-and-seek to the point where she can’t even make herself look at Jenny’s face, and Jenny over here dressed in something from the Katie Fucking Fitch 2037 Collection. (“You want to check out the end of season sale at Anthropologie?” “Nah, I buy all my clothes from this amazing bitch from The Future.”) Tell me your heart isn’t banging around in your chest just looking at these two. Actually, if your heart isn’t banging around in your chest, don’t tell me anything because if your heart isn’t banging around in your chest, you are dead inside and I am not emotionally equipped to deal with zombies right now.

Emma blurts out that she wants Jenny to go to Hamburg with her, and Jenny thinks she’s asking her to go on a romantic mini-break. Her face — her perfect, perfect face — is as incandescent as the morning after the night you never thought would end. But then Emma explains about Sister Act and Jenny’s heart breaks all over again. She hoofs it out of there and Emma limps back to the chorus room with her tail between her legs. She flops down on the stage and refuses to talk to anyone. 

The next day STAG is headed to Hamburg, and after a very dramatic several hours of sitting on the bus chewing their fingernails, Luzi arrives. The STAG kids are in awe of the theater in Hamburg, the giant stage and the thousands of seats for spectators. They totally win the Sister Act competition against all the other schools that are competing. And by “all the other schools that are competing” I mean “the one other school that is competing.” The next day they get to perform in a real broadway show. 

Back in their hotel room, Emma and Luzi have a little chat about romance. Emma thinks Luzi should give Timo another chance. They talk about the nature of love and how it covers a multitude of wrongs and drives out fear and all that. It’s the kind of conversation straight people have when they’re either drunk or in theology class; and the kind of conversation lesbians have over Cheerios every single morning of their lives. Emma says sometimes there are a hundred reasons to be afraid of love, and she says it with such tortured conviction that Luzi goes, “I didn’t know you are in love.”

Emma pulls an Emma and flips the switch to adorably awkward, babbling about how she’s not in love, but she’s reading this book about two people in love, and how at first they kind of hate each other, but they they realize maybe they’re fond of each other, and then they realize maybe they’re really fond of each other. Like, the kind of fond where you can’t even hear yourself think over the hammering of your heart, and then sometimes you black out when they’re around, and then sometimes you make-out when they’re around, but you don’t know what to do because do you hate them for being stubborn and haughty or do you love them for being so desperately irresistible?

Luzi’s like, “Oh, Emma, how apt that you were named after a Jane Austen heroine ‘cause that’s about the Pride and Predjudice-est thing I have ever heard in my life. I think you should just tell Jenny how you feel. Er, I mean the girl in the story should just tell the other girl in the story — wait, no. The boy in the story should write the girl in the story a letter about his unbending heterosexual love. Because clearly we are talking about two fictional characters, both of whom are just super straight.”

And that’s exactly what Emma does. She writes Jenny a real-live letter with a real-live pen and puts it in the real-live mail. Which I think is savagely romantic. Like trains. And thunderstorms. She cries when she’s writing it, too, and I swear to God, just get your zombie heart out of here if you’re not tearing up.

Jenny, I have no idea where to begin. I have no idea if you’ll be able to forgive me. I’m sitting in Hamburg and the only thing I can think about is you. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. The kiss with you was the most beautiful thing that’s ever happened to me. But despite that, I hurt you, because I was too scared to admit my feelings in front of Timo. I’m ashamed of that. But I don’t know if I’ll have the courage to do it next time either. I wish you could help me to be a little braver. Yours, Emma.

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