Gwyneth Paltrow’s “W” cover: Apparently the W stands for ‘Why?’

 
 

What is up with all these stars choosing truly tragic looks for their big comebacks? First Lauryn Hill, now Gwyneth Paltrow. Her cover photo for the new issue of W made me truly thankful for headline writers. Seriously, if it hadn’t said “Gwyneth,” I would have had no idea. None.

Do the editors of W have some sort of secret (well, now, not-so-secret) grudge against Gwynnie? Perhaps the publisher had money on Saving Private Ryan to win best picture in 1998 and lost a bundle when Shakespeare in Love snuck in to steal the Oscar. Really, it’s the only explanation I can think of for making Blythe Danner’s daughter look like an unholy mash-up of bushy-eyebrowed Sienna Miller, passed-out Lindsay Lohan and a Communist-era East German transsexual.

And if you thought that was weird, wait until you see the inside photos (after the jump).

A rat, a sippy cup and a wan blonde. It’s like a bad nightmare Bette Porter had after watching too many Ingmar Bergman films.

Next, at first I thought this Cat on a Hot Tin Roof–inspired scene was kinda hot (especially since she seems to be portraying Brick instead of Maggie), but then I spotted the metallic mouse ears. Or are they spoons? Seriously, what the hell?

This next shot looks like it was taken for some twisted girls-with-canes-and thigh-highs fetish site. However, I refuse to Google to verify whether such sites exist. I’ll do anything for blog, but I won’t do that.

And finally, for a big splashy cover spread meant to herald her return, why on earth would Gwyneth pose like a dead person? Unless it’s meant as a refreshingly honest visual metaphor for the state of her career. In which case, very clever. Carry on.

 
 

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