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“Grey’s Anatomy” recap: Episode 7.22 – “Unaccompanied Minor”

Welcome to the season finale of Grey’s Anatomy, “Unaccompanied Minor.” When we last tuned in, Alex told Owen that Meredith had tampered with the Alzheimer’s trial and the race for Chief Resident was still underway.  Let’s see what happens!

Meredith and Derek are working on their dream house. (They should sue their contractor for taking so damn long to finish it.)  Derek chalks out a baby’s room to show the social worker where the baby will sleep. The social worker seems to approve and the McDreamys are one step closer to adopting Zola.

Meredith and Derek arrive at the hospital, and while Meredith goes off to take care of another Alzheimer’s patient Owen pulls Derek aside to talk to him about his trial. Derek wants to include Meredith in the conversation, but Owen insists that speak privately. Uh-oh, Meredith’s in trouble.

Teddy stops by Henry’s hospital room to say goodbye before she heads off to Germany with Andrew. Henry tries to shame Teddy into staying in Seattle with him instead of running off with the more successful, better looking and healthier guy. (Look, I’m gay and even I’d chose Andrew over Henry.) Teddy reminds Henry that she’s not really his wife and Henry responds by calling Teddy his best friend. I think his definition of a “best friend” means something different than mine.

Derek drags Meredith to see the Chief so she will confess what she has done to the Alzheimer’s trial. Meredith refuses to tell either of them what exactly happened. The Chief insists he will investigate to find out the truth and then he threatens to fire Meredith. If Meredith gets fired, will they have to change the name of the show? If so, I vote for Yang’s Anatomy.

Meredith tracks down Alex to punch him in the face confront him and says she wants him out of her house by the end of the day. Suddenly, everyone’s pagers go off. These doctors need to buy iPhones. There has been a plane crash and the 200 passengers are coming to Seattle Grace Hospital for medical care. As Owen passes out orders, Cristina begs him to tell her what happened to Meredith. Owen tells Cristina that he doesn’t know exactly what happened but that the Alzheimer trial is invalid. The plane crash has delayed Teddy’s flight to Germany so she stops by to see Henry once again. Doesn’t she have any other patients to check on? Teddy explains that Henry’s surgery has been cancelled to make room for those who are more gravely injured.

Cristina confronts Alex and delivers the best line of the season, “You know Meredith is the only one that ever gave a rat’s ass about you and now you might have destroyed her career. You should find some skanky intern to love you because the next time you are in a burning building no one is handing you a glass of water.”

Suddenly the families of the plane victims have arrived and there is mass chaos. Everyone wants answers but the injured plane passengers have not yet arrived.  Lexie tries to keep order by making them all sign in.

Alex tracks down Owen and tries to convince him that he was drunk the night before and what he said about Meredith wasn’t true. Alex didn’t want Meredith to get fired he just didn’t want her to be awarded the Chief Resident position. Owen snaps at Alex, “If you didn’t think this through, then you are as dumb as she is.”

Bailey is all shaken up from the plane crash and Eli comforts her. (I really like them together.)

The passengers from the plane crash have still not arrived so Cristina is evaluating a young woman who can’t remember when she last had her period. Then Cristina freaks out and runs off. Two seconds later, Cristina’s legs are up in the stirrups and Dr. Hottie is doing an ultrasound on her six-week old fetus. What? Cristina is visibly upset and so am I. Dr. Hottie asks if she wants to discuss the options and an annoyed Cristina says no because she’s already made up her mind.

The doctors are still waiting around for the plane crash victims to arrive. Mark explains to Lexie that the plane crashed into the water so it’s going to take time for the police officers to fish all the passengers out. Mark, Callie and Arizona ask Owen to tell them who the new Chief Resident will be. Arizona votes for Alex and Callie thinks it’s going to be Meredith. (I have a feeling April will take the top prize.)

The Chief finds Alex sulking and orders him to write up a report of everything he saw Meredith doing so he can figure out how she tampered with the trial.

Mark walks up to Avery and offers a verbal olive branch.

Mark: You’re a good man, Avery. Lexie’s yours. Take her. Take care of her. I’ll stay out of your way.

Avery: I already have her but thank you.

Even at his best Mark still acts like Lexie is his property. Mark is a direct descendant of the Neanderthals.

Cristina pulls Owen aside and tells him that she’s pregnant. Owen is ecstatic and Cristina very upset.

Cristina: I don’t want a baby. 

Owen: Well you have one!

Cristina: Are you getting all life-y on me?

Then Cristina starts to cry.

Cristina: I don’t want one. I don’t hate children I respect them. I think they should have parents that want them.

Owen: I want them. I want them and maybe you could, too. I believe your life can be bigger than you think it is.

Owen tells Cristina that he wants them to figure out together what is best for their family.  This is why it’s important to discuss your family values and priorities before you get married and buy a fire station.

Cristina tries to find her soul mate (Meredith) to confide in, but Meredith is busy getting reamed out by Derek and the Chief.  Meredith insists that they should just fire her because she’s not going to tell them what she did. Alex interrupts the interrogation and hands the Chief the paperwork he asked for. With Alex’s help, the Chief figures out that Meredith tampered with Adele’s placebo. (Umm, you’re welcome!)

April is bored so she suggests warming up liquids for the soon to be arriving survivors. Mark explains to April that they’ve been waiting so long that he doesn’t think that anyone survived the crash.

Back in the interrogation room, the Chief suspends Meredith and Derek storms off. Don’t worry, her suspension doesn’t start until after this episode.

Mark was right, none of the passengers have survived so now the doctors must identify their bodies and deliver the bad news to their relatives. In the middle of the sadness and chaos, Owen walks over to the bulletin board and posts the Chief Resident position. Is that really the best time to make that announcement? The winner is April! I knew it.

The other residents roll their eyes and no one congratulates April. What a bunch of jerks. Alex chases after Owen and tells him that April is the wrong choice. Owen tells Alex that he was going to make him the Chief Resident but since he sold out Meredith none of his peers will ever trust him again.

Hey Alex,

Karma’s a bitch!

Love, Bridget

In trying to persuade Cristina to keep their baby, Owen says he’s willing to take up to a year off from work and tells her not to worry because the baby will be “his problem.”  He actually calls the baby his “problem.” Cristina reminds Owen that she’s not a monster and if there is a baby around she’ll notice and she’ll love it. Owen takes that as good news, but he’s misreading Cristina, who insists that she doesn’t want to have the baby. Owen says that if she loves him, she’ll take least consider having the baby.

Maybe these two should try having a dog first. If they don’t have time to walk it three to five times a day then they definitely shouldn’t have a baby.

The doctors must deliver the sad news to the victim’s families so they call them out one by one and escort them to private rooms.

Teddy is back bothering Henry again, but this time she brought pudding. I love pudding! Henry snaps at Teddy, “I really tried to be a gentleman about this but now you need to get the hell out! Letting you go was the worst thing I’ve ever done. It was the most painful thing I’ve ever done and I’m a guy who’s had 82 surgeries my threshold for pain is pretty high. You need to get out. I’m not your best bud, I’m not your security blanket. I’m a man who’s in love with you.”

Then he tells her to go off to Germany and leave him alone. What an a-hole! Henry acts like he’s the first person in the world to ever have broken heart. Did he forget that Teddy married him to save his life? (Ladies, if this isn’t a PSA about why you shouldn’t marry a man, then I don’t know what is.)

April answers the hospital phone (where are the receptionists?) and finds out there is one lone survivor coming into the hospital.

Derek finds Meredith sitting alone and asks if she’s leaving the hospital. Meredith tells him that she hasn’t been fired yet. Derek says the fact that she tampered with Adele’s medication might change things for The Chief, but it doesn’t change anything for him.

Derek asks, “How is it that you don’t know the difference between right and wrong?” This coming from a man who cheated on his wife and made Meredith his mistresses (unbeknownst to her) in Season 1. Maybe Derek should quit medicine and become a politician. 

Meredith: Because I don’t think that things are simply right or wrong. Things are more complicated than that. This was more complicated than that. It’s complicated that it was Adele and Richard. It’s complicated that we have a drug in a box that could help her.

Derek: I don’t know how to raise a child with someone who doesn’t understand there is a right or wrong in the world.

Meredith: So now I’m going to be a bad mother. That’s where we’re going with this?

Derek: You’ve been saying it for weeks. Maybe you’re right. Maybe you’re right.

Derek says he needs some space to think and leaves Meredith in tears. (And that’s why Cristina is her soul mate and Derek isn’t.)

Arizona wheels in the young female survivor from the plane crash. April whispers to Lexie that the lone survivor has arrived and the grieving parents overhear and all agree to stay and wait for her to get out of surgery.

Meredith sees Alex sitting down with the social worker who’s handling Zola’s adoption paperwork. Meredith tells Alex to back off and the social worker explains that she is granting her temporary custody of Zola. Alex was the doctor looking over Zola and he signs off on Zola’s release so Meredith can take her home today.

Alex gives Meredith some prescriptions for Zola and asks her if she has any questions. Meredith looks stunned and doesn’t answer him. Why does Meredith have to take Zola home right then and there? Isn’t there a layaway plan? And since Derek wanted Zola so badly, why don’t they page him to come get her?

Andrew finds Teddy and tells her that their flight has been changed to tomorrow, which gives her more time to chose between Henry and Andrew. Chose Andrew! Chose Andrew!

Meredith, the now single mother, calls Derek and leaves him a voicemail explaining that it’s very important that he call her back. 

The lone survivor’s mother finally shows up to the hospital and all the people that stayed for her update her on her daughter’s status and get her coffee. I love coffee! Cream, no sugar. 

Meredith meets with the pediatric nurse to sign off on all of Zola’s paperwork and gather baby supplies. (Meredith doesn’t even have a car seat or crib for Zola.)

Seriously, why can’t Zola just stay over night until she finds Derek? Or at least let her run out to Babies “R” Us to buy a few things!

The lone survivor makes it out of surgery and her mother thanks and hugs the other parents.

Teddy (who can’t take a hint) goes to see Henry and insists that he get out of his comfy hospital bed and stand up for her. Henry begrudgingly stands up and Teddy kisses him.

Teddy, “You’re my husband and I think I’m falling in love with you.” Then they kiss again. I don’t condone this relationship.

Mark sees Lexie at the vending machine and she tells him to stay away from her. (Apparently she doesn’t like sharing her Snickers.) Lexie says she loves Mark but she wants to be happy and that can’t happen with him. Mark explains to Lexie that he’s letting her go and then tells her to walk away. (No, caveman. You walk away!)

Avery congratulates April for becoming Chief Resident. April says she’s finally happy, but Avery reminds her that her new job requires her to boss around her peers and they aren’t going to like her. April says, “Oh, gosh, is that true?” Yes, April. Did you not know what the Chief Resident job entailed?

Meredith walks into her empty house with Zola strapped to her chest like a bank robber’s bomb.

Meredith walks from room to room and when she opens Alex’s door she sees that all his stuff is gone. Meredith tells Zola that she’s really glad she’s there with her. Then Meredith pops a bottle of champagne with Zola and makes a toast to their new lives together. Ok, that didn’t happen but I’ll bet Zola would enjoy a little champers in her sippy cup. She’ll need to start drinking to deal with her dysfunctional family.

Cristina comes home and asks Owen to tell her how much he loves her. Owen obliges. Then Cristina drops the bombshell that she made an appointment to terminate her pregnancy.

Cristina: I’m sorry if this upsets you. I’m sorry if this isn’t what you wanted but I cannot talk about it anymore.  I need to lie down. I feel like crap.

Owen: This is a marriage. I tied my life to you. You don’t decide this without me. You see me standing here. You give in a marriage you make sacrifices. I’ve made many. I’m asking you to do something for me. Can you simply consider doing something for me?

Cristina: Have a baby? This isn’t pizza versus Thai.  You don’t give a little on a baby.

Owen: Cristina I am asking …

Cristina: I am saying no!

Owen (shaking his head): Get out!

Cristina: Because I’m denying you a baby?

Owen: Because you denied me part of the decision because you denied me a marriage.

Cristina: Oh, how dare you!

Owen: Get out!

As Bailey heads out of the hospital Eli says he wants to come home with her and meet her son.  Bailey stammers but eventually concedes.

Cristina shows up at Meredith’s house. Meredith races down the stairs thinking that it’s Derek at the door. Meredith tells Cristina that Derek left her and Cristina tells Meredith that she’s getting an abortion and Owen kicked her out. What if the soul mates (Meredith and Cristina) finally just get together and raise both of their babies? And if Cristina’s baby is a girl, then she can marry Zola! (I’m a futuristic lesbian yenta.) Studies show lesbian parents make the best parents.

It’s the end of a long night. Alex is at the bar alone doing shots. Dr. Hottie show up and say, “Tell me not to go to Africa!” Alex replies, “Go to hell!”

Hottie exits but instead of going to Hell she’s off to Heaven in ABC’s new Charlie’s Angels series, which premieres this fall! Women with guns, sign me up!

Meredith sits in the dark in her bedroom and rocks Zola.

Meredith calls Derek but once again he puts her to voicemail. As Meredith spends her first night with Zola, Derek lies on a sleeping bag at their unfinished dream house.

The moral of this episode is: Babies ruin everything! I’m just kidding. What did you think of the Grey’s Anatomy season finale? What did you think of this season of Grey’s Anatomy?

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