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“Grey’s Anatomy” recap: Episode 12 – “Start Me Up”

“Start Me Up” is a great Rolling Stones song and it’s also the name of this Grey’s Anatomy episode.

Meredith and Derek are at home moping because they are still not pregnant yet.  Maybe angry sex doesn’t produce happy sperm? 

Callie is at home in her bathroom crying. (I hate it when Callie cries.) But then her crying turns into a weird smile. Oh my God, is Callie pregnant with Mark’s baby? I’m crossing my fingers that I’m way off base here.

Callie wipes her mascara, heads out the door with Mark and sees Arizona moving in box across the hall. Jeez, Arizona, take a hint — Callie needs some space. Arizona is now subletting from the subletters who are subletting from Callie. Does that make sense?

Callie yells at Arizona, “I don’t want to see you. This isn’t a ploy. Get your crap out of my apartment.” Callie storms off. Oh great, now it’s going to be awkward at the hospital. Arizona, being sunny and adorable, turns to Mark and says that Callie’s anger is a good sign because it means that she cares. Arizona is turning into a stalker.

At Seattle Grace Hospital, Cristina is back in the groove of things as she and Meredith (let’s call her “Mer” from now on – it’s been seven seasons so I feel close enough to Meredith to give her a nickname) are gossiping about Mer’s lack of pregnancy.  Mer decides to spend the entire workday peeing on pregnancy sticks. Now I’m no doctor, but I don’t believe that this aids in conception.

As everyone gathers, the Chief introduces the new first-year medicals students. The first-years are each paired up with a cast member — I mean doctor.  Alex and Avery both want to be assigned to the “hot chick.” Alex the scoundrel gets the girl, and Avery gets stuck with the goofy chubby guy. Sorry Avery, I guess you’ll have to actually practice medicine today.

The Chief pulls Cristina aside and says he wants to oversee her for the day since she’s been out of the hospital for a while. Then the Chief announces that the race for chief resident is on. Here we go again!

The Chief, Bailey, Cristina and Cristina’s first-year are working with Henry (Teddy’s “husband”) although Teddy hasn’t told anyone that she got married — but as soon as Teddy walks into the room with the insurance paperwork in hand Henry announces the happy news to the stunned staff.  Surprise! I love surprises.

Callie is in a bad mood as she waits with Owen for an ambulance to arrive. She violently snaps on her blue latex gloves. Nobody mess with Callie today, she’s pissed!

The ambulance opens up and a groom is wheeled out on a stretcher. The groom (named Brady) was trampled by horses on his wedding day. He was marrying My So Called Life‘s Wilson Cruz.

Yippee, more gay couples! (Thanks Shonda!) Wilson wanted to surprise his Scottish husband with horses and bagpipes but the bagpipes spooked the horse and they ended up running Brady over as they exited the wedding. And that’s why I don’t play the bagpipes (anymore).

Do you think the horses were conservative and making a political statement?

Brady is wheeled inside and there is so much chaos that Callie screams for everyone to get out before she “takes someone out!” Seriously, don’t mess with Callie today.

The Chief, Teddy and Lexie walk down the hallway as the Chief berates Teddy for marrying her patient and committing insurance fraud. Lexie pipes in that according to the National Medical Anti-Fraud Association it’s not insurance fraud but it is frowned upon. (Lexie has really grown on me.) Teddy tells the Chief that’s it’s all said and done and, since Henry now has insurance, the Chief can save his life. The Chief storms off.

Emerging from the elevator, Arizona confides to Mark about her relationship troubles with Callie. (Like he doesn’t already know the whole story. The word “lesbro” was invented because of Mark “McSteamy” Sloan.)

Arizona says, “I mean, I get it she has a hang up about me being perfect —” (Umm, Arizona I’m pretty sure that’s not it.) Arizona goes on, “I mean everything comes easy for me and I don’t have any flaws and now that I’ve clearly made a mistake she’s just going to pound the crap out of it.”

Mark laughs at Arizona, “So you don’t think you’re perfect?”

“No. I have lots of flaws. I’m competitive; I’m a workaholic, I smoke when I’m stressed,” Arizona says. “It’s disgusting!”

Mark tells her, “I’m sure she’d love to hear all of this, along with any real flaws you come up with.”  Mark is turning into the Lesbian Whisperer.

Unsurprisingly, Alex is flirting with his first-year student while Arizona, Mark and April (with really red hair &mdsah; did she dye it the day they shot this episode?) tend to their patient, a young girl named Sarah, who was born without check bones. (That condition is Tyra Banks‘ worst nightmare!) Arizona tells Sarah and her parents that she is going to take pieces of Sarah’s skull and transplant them to her face.

That sounds like it’s going to hurt.

Teddy checks in on her hubby and gobbles down his hospital fruit cup. What is it with Teddy and the hospital food? It’s like her Kryptonite!

Mer’s first-year compliments Mer on McDreamy’s hotness while Cristina is very curt with her first-year med student (as she is with everyone in her life). The Chief stresses that Cristina needs to be empathetic towards the young doctors. Then the Chief reminds Cristina of the chief resident position, “Empathy is a good quality in a chief resident.”

The Chief reviews Henry’s x-rays and see that he has to remove Henry’s adrenal gland and his kidney.  Does that mean in a few weeks Teddy going to give him her kidney? (I have to slow down and not get ahead of myself. I need to focus on just this episode. So as of now Callie is not pregnant and Teddy owns all her internal organs.)

Mark decides there is an alternative way to operate on his patient Sarah. He wants to use cadaver bones instead of pieces of Sarah’s skull. Mark sets up a demonstration to pitch the idea to Arizona but Arizona shuts him down immediately. She is going to do the surgery her way.  Mark quips at Arizona, “You’re a crappy listener!”

The Chief lectures Teddy about her inappropriate relationship with her patient Henry. Teddy snaps back, “You want to talk to me about inappropriate relationships? Everywhere I look in this hospital there are inappropriate relationships! Grey and Shepard, Hunt and Yang, the other Grey and Sloane!”

Then Elijah pipes in, “Dr. Bailey is dating a nurse.” Bailey gets embarrassed and says, “Ignore him.  We are not dating.” (That’s not what I heard.)

Arizona tracks down Callie and tells her she knows she’s not perfect and she’s ready to listen to whatever Callie has to say. Callie takes this opportunity to reiterate to Arizona, “Get your crap out of my apartment.”

Then Arizona hunts down Mark and asks him to tell her about the cadaver surgery again. Mark explains it’s experimental but it could be the best thing for Sarah since she’d like to have a more active lifestyle. Sarah is a tomboy (aka lesbian) and she wants to play sports. Sarah’s parents are concerned with the experimental surgery but Sarah pleads with them, “Let me be a dumb jock. Mom, dad, please?” (Whoever wrote that line should be fired immediately!)

In the OR, Cristina offers to show her first-year a closer look at Henry’s tumor. This first-year’s chest hair is mushrooming out of his shirt and that can’t be sanitary. The first-year leans in, sees the blood and faints. (Don’t feel bad Sasquatch. I fainted last year when I got a tetanus shot. I fell on the floor and another patient had to pick me up off the ground. Wait, where was my doctor when I fell?)

Callie finishes Brady’s surgery and comes out to talk to Wilson Cruz.

She explains to Wilson that his husband is in recovery and Wilson responds with a beautiful speech (most likely written by the HRC): 

This was supposed to be the best day of our lives. You think I’m silly, I know. The horses and the bagpipes, so does he. We don’t get marriage in Washington, we get domestic partnerships. We get to go to City Hall and stand in line and sign some papers. Mail it in if you’re even more romantic. So call me crazy but I just wanted the big day that everybody else gets.

And I fought for it. I organized rallies I stood in the cold outside the state house. I had some Neanderthal throw hot coffee on me. I fought for a wedding and waited and they still said “no.” So when we got tired of waiting Brady and I went to go sign the papers I wanted it to be special. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I wanted to feel like that. Not like some trip to the DMV. I wanted it to be special instead I nearly killed him.

Did anyone else tear up after Wilson’s speech?

The Chief calls Teddy into Henry’s surgery and tells her that he needs to remove Henry’s pancreas which means Henry might be a diabetic. Since Teddy is Henry’s “wife” and emergency contact person, the Chief asks her, “Do I have your permission to act as I see fit?  Teddy says, “yes” and shuffles out of the OR.

Nurse Elijah is trying to seduce Bailey by giving her dirty notes and enticing her to meet him in the on-call room. Elijah makes his move and plants a big kiss on Bailey in the middle of the hospital.

Go Bailey! I want next week’s episode to be called How Bailey Got her Groove Back.

Cristina finds her first-year outside sulking. She listens to him rant about how he’s not an idiot and he graduated at the top of his class but he’s just never seen a surgery like that up close before Cristina gives him a pep talk about the ins-and-outs of being a first-year.

Then the first-year reveals, “Now I feel like an ass. Just disregard my evaluation.”

Cristina: What evaluation?

First-year: We turned in evaluations on you guys.

Yikes!

Cristina: What did you say?

First-year: I might have used the word “heartless.” 

Cristina turns her back on first-year and heads back into the hospital. 

Teddy sits down with Henry after his surgery and Henry apologies for putting Teddy’s name down as his emergency contact. Henry reveals he has no family and no friends that he can call on which is why he put Teddy’s name down. She is the best friend he has. Teddy reaches out and holds Henry’s hand. With her other hand she swipes Henry’s fruit cup and mini-milk and shoves it into her lab coat.

Then the show cuts to a commercial break and comedian Erin Foley is hawking Natural Made vitamins.  If you recorded this episode go back to the :50 minute mark to laugh at her — I mean, be supportive of Erin’s saleswomanship.

As the attendings pack up for the day, The Chief comes in and announces everyone’s evaluations: Cristina “lacked patience and basic compassion,” April was “unwilling to delegate,” Avery “placed his own learning opportunities before my own” and Meredith (I call her Mer) “seemed to have a lot going on personally today.” Alex was the only one that actually taught his first-year anything and then the Chief declares, “The rest of you failed, big time!”

Arizona begs Mark to just to tell her what her worst flaws are so she can cop to them and then Callie will give her another chance. Mark says, “You bail. When things get hard, you bail.”

It’s been a long day at Seattle Grace and Avery and April are at home drinking beer and whining about their bad evaluations. Just then, Alex’s first-year hottie walks into the kitchen wearing nothing but a T-shirt. (Is anyone surprised that Alex slept with her? I’m not. I hope they used a condom — wait, it’s Alex. I hope they used three condoms and a large bag for his head.)

We are at the end of this episode and just like at the beginning of the show Meredith and Derek are once again moping because they haven’t made a baby yet. So the eager Derek hops on the Mer’s train and tries again. Practice does make perfect.

Back at the hospital Callie gets in the elevator to head out for the evening. Arizona races inside the elevator before the door closes and makes a speech:

I bail, OK? When things get hard I walk away. And maybe it’s because I grew up an Army brat and we moved every 18 months. Maybe I never learned to commit but I’m here now and I’m staying because I’m going to fight to make sure you know that I’m committed to this thing. I’m not perfect and neither are you. You want to talk about faults? How about not being able to forgive?  At some point you’re going to have to be able to forgive me and it may as well be now because I’m in love with you Calliope and you are in love with me.  And all I’m asking for is one more chance.

Callie: You want another chance?

Arizona: Yes, more than anything, I want another chance.

Callie: Today I found out that I’m pregnant with Mark’s baby. How about now?

To quote Stacie Ponder, “Holy crapping, crap!”

I KNEW IT!!! Arizona’s mouth drops as the elevator door once again opens and then closes on them.

That’s it for this week’s show.  So what have we learned, class? 

1. Meredith’s new name is “Mer.”

2. Alex is still a disgusting man-whore.

3. I’m obviously psychic so I need to go buy a lotto ticket immediately. 

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