Grey’s Anatomy Recap: 5.6 “Life During Wartime”

 
 

Is that kosher? — Today, all the
residents and interns will be participating in Owen’s new skillz lab. Yes, he
spells it with a "z." Meredith is excused by Bailey, who puts her on
Team Tumor when she spies Anatomy Jane in Meredith’s bag. Seems Bailey had a
Jane doll, too, and has fond childhood memories of simulated pregnancy and
playing with little plastic gall bladders.

Downstairs, Cristina is still trying to avoid Owen, so she hides behind
Lexie as the lab begins. Owen explains they’ll be practicing trauma techniques
on "live tissue." He dramatically pulls back a curtain to reveal a
row of full-grown pigs, sedated and lying on their backs.  Hey everyone, it’s the executive
board from AIG
.

Rambo casually pulls out a folding knife, and quickly works his way down the
row, stabbing each pig in its spare ribs. The group gasps in shock and horror.
It’s an outrage! It’s disgusting! It’s so not kosher! Or so all the Jewish
doctors are thinking.

Izzie: You’re a monster!
Owen: They’re under. They didn’t
feel any pain.
Izzie: You stabbed them!
Cristina: [interjecting] So we can
save them.
Izzie: We can practice on surgical mannequins.
We can learn to do the exact same stuff !
Owen: Does that mean you’re out?
Izzie: Yeah. I’m out!

Not in the way Erica’s out — just out. Izzie storms off to call PETA. Once
she’s gone, Owen asks the group who wants to work on the extra pig?

Who turns down an extra side of bacon? No one I want to know.

Quick and dirty Ô Lexie’s read Charlotte’s Web one too many times as a
child and names and pets all the porcine patients. Owen observes Cristina’s
technique and cuts her twice without ever pulling his knife Ô she’s too slow and
he calls her "Christine."

In a pork-free room, Meredith, Bailey and the Chief meet with tumor girl and
what appears to be 36 members of her immediate family to discuss the case that
no other hospital would touch. Seattle Grace, the number 12 hospital in the
country is their last hope, having just come from hospitals 1- 11. Plus,
Seattle Grace has "that cardiothoracic gal." That gal’s name? Dr.
Erica "I See Leaves of Green" Hahn.

While all that is going on, Callie waits for Mark in that little rendezvous room
they like so much. She’s naked (because this isn’t the gay scene and heinous nightgowns
aren’t required) and under the sheets, waiting for her f-buddy.

Mark comes eagerly rushing in. His pants around his ankles before the door
even closes, he asks her if she needs more sex lessons.

Callie: No, no lessons. Just sex.
Nothing fancy, just plain old missionary, boy-girl, penis-vagina sex.
Mark: Oh…
Callie: Hey, hey I mean it. No dirty
talk, no Erica talk. No talk.

Callie says she’s "testing a theory" implying she needs a
side-by-side taste test. Callie’s been straight her whole life, bumped uglies
with Mark multiple times, and had sex with Erica not even four hours ago.

I
have a theory: Callie has the memory of a goldfish.

After it’s over, she’s no more enlightened than before. "Damn it!"
she says, frustrated.

Sex with Mark was good. Sex with Erica was amazing. Having great sex all
over the place before lunch can be super confusing.

Why so sad? — Bailey brings that cardiothoracic
gal, Erica, in to consult on tumor girl’s case, but Erica’s morning did not end
the way it started, so she’s not in the best mood.

Bailey: It’s bad, but I’ve got a
couple of ideas.
Erica: Good for you. Try them on
someone who might actually live.
Bailey: I admit, it doesn’t look
great, but her family mentioned you by name.
Erica: That’s nice but I really
don’t care.
Bailey: Well, I do.
Erica: [with deadly calm] Don’t get
emotional, Bailey. No one likes an emotional girl.

Back away slowly. Don’t make eye contact. No sudden moves. If need be, play
dead.

Eviscerated — A big trauma comes
into the ER. Owen sends everyone in the lab over to the real action. All except
Cristina, that is, who’s left behind to tend to the pigs. She’s flabbergasted.
She did not go to the best schools in the country just to be Dr. Doolittle.

Meanwhile, Team Tumor is stumped as to how to treat the girl. Hahn doesn’t
think they should bother trying. What’s the point of figuring it out, telling
the patient you know what’s wrong, only to have them grab their panties and run
out the door without so much as a good-bye kiss?

Meredith fiddles with Anatomy Jane while the grown-ups talk. She places the
little colorful organs in and out of Jane body cavity until the Chief can’t
take it anymore and tells her to put the toys away.

But all that play gives her an idea: Remove tumor girl’s six organs one at a
time, cut away the icky parts and shove everything back in. Brilliant.

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