This week’s episode of Grey’s Anatomy opens with Alex and Jo, rolling around in their unkempt sheets, getting it on. Jo only has 15 minutes, but Alex assures her that is plenty of time for some early morning delight. I’d agree with them, if it weren’t for Meredith’s depressing voiceover about cancer. Way to take the wind out of my Jolex sails, Mer.
Speaking of Meredith, she is still punishing Derek for being brilliant and handsome and he’s totally taking it. She’s even withholding sex. This is so unlike Meredith. She teases Derek as she strips naked from behind the bathroom door, as he whines like a sad puppy.
Owen and Emma are playing doctor in Derek’s old trailer. I guess we shouldn’t be surprised. It is Seattle and they are big into recycling there. Something about the ambiance must do something to Owen, because he totally lezzes out and asks Emma if she wants to move in with him. Well, not the trailer. Somewhere with indoor plumbing. Somehow this doesn’t freak her out, and she says yes.
Already blissfully cohabiting in their new home are Callie and Arizona. Callie is “unpacking boxes” and calls to Arizona to join her. Arizona is not in the mood to unpack because it is literally the worst thing ever, but she can’t say no to Callie. (I loved being able to write that last sentence.) When Arizona goes to unpack her box, she finds a tiny box hiding inside. In the little blue box, is a giant blue sapphire ring inscribed with the date they moved into their new home. Callie is beaming, Arizona is speechless. It’s fucking magic. When Arizona does speak, she calls her wife Calliope Iphegenia Torres and everyone swoons. The end. Wait, sorry, there are 54 minutes left. Arizona slips on the ring.
April and Jackson are still pretending not to be married, and so far it’s working. Good thing too, because Owen calls a hospital wide meeting to discuss the new fraternization policy. Married folks are grandfathered in, people of the same level are discouraged, and superior/subordinate relationships are totally screwed. There is a great hubbub, and when Richard confronts Owen about the policy, Owen dumps it right in Richard’s lap. Have fun with that Dr. Webber. You are now the Commander of the Panty Police.
Alex and Callie have a teenage patient named Rory who has survived numerous bouts with cancer, and is now in to have surgery for bone cancer. Rory’s younger sister is there, joking around and painting Rory’s toenails. As Alex listens to Rory’s heart, he hears something distressing.
Through the ER another patient rolls in. She was found stuck in a trash chute, her leg mangled. She defends herself, claiming she is not homeless and foraging for food. She’s a professor who asks April to call her married boyfriend for her. She has bigger fish to fry however, as her leg looks like a Christmas ham that was attacked by wild dogs and left out in the sun for a week. Wow, sorry, that was a very vivid description. How about this: it’s absolutely disgusting.
Tensions are running high amongst the residents and Jo is beyond pissed about the new policy and lays the blame right on Stephanie for the anonymous complaint. Alex calls in Richard and the residents to consult on Rory’s case. Turns out she has a large tumor in her chest cavity. Richard gets all the residents in on the case. The more heads the better. He also tells them to mind their P’s and Q’s. Actually he said penises and vaginas. I love you Richard. Everyone wants to work alone, except Ben who is like the last kid picked for dodgeball with this lot.
Derek and Meredith walk together through the hospital, as Derek explains how the whole house is clean and the laundry is done so can he please, please go play with the President? Meredith agrees and Cristina swoops in for some girl time. Meredith invites her over for a slumber party, and once Cristina finds out wine will be served, she’s all in.
Due to the history of cancer in Rory’s family, the docs are considering that her condition may be genetic. Bailey asks them all to spit in a cup so she can test their DNA.
Trash Chute’s bestie shows up at the hospital and we get the real story of how she ended up in the dumpster. TC had been attending a faculty party thrown by her lover, who is the head of her department, and his wife. Distraught she attempted to leave, but before she did, the boyfriend asked her to take out the trash. What a dick. TC accidentally threw her purse in as well, then dove after it. And that, ladies, is how you end up with coconut prawns stuck inside a gaping leg wound. Let’s all take a moment to utilize our Grey’s Anatomy branded puke buckets.
Callie and Arizona are all smiles, and Arizona is practically chasing Alex down to shove her ring in his face and brag about how awesome her wife is. She is cut short however, by a hysterical Jo who bursts in to scream at Alex. He yells back that she is overreacting about the new policy. When she pushes him, he breaks up with her in front of the entire hospital. However, once they are out of sight, they reveal that this was their plan all along. They have fooled everyone with their embarrassing public display. Jo even cried on cue. Well played.
Ben and Bailey are eating lunch together and being adorable. Ben thinks the other residents are freezing him out because they are jealous they he can fraternize and they can’t. Before he and Bailey can get down to a little of that fraternizing, Bailey discovers that Rory has a mutated gene called P53.
At the MerDer mansion, the Twisted Sisters are back. Cristina and Meredith are polishing off a bottle of wine and Cristina opens up about Owen. She knows about Owen and Emma moving in together, and suddenly their break feels all the more permanent. She knows that Owen wants to be a father, and that is something Emma can give him. Wives she isn’t so concerned about. Kids however, that is a line Cristina won’t cross. Derek comes home unexpectedly, feeling down in the dumps. They sent him home early, so he figures his dreams of being one of the Presidents men are over. Cristiana decides it’s time to bounce and let Meredith and Derek have some alone time.