Callie returns to the table and says the redhead was eyeing her haircut and not her. (Callie drew a map to Supercuts and gave it to the girl.)
It’s OK, Callie, she wasn’t cute enough for you anyway!
At Seattle Grace, the Chief shows up to yell at Meredith for not taking care of her patient Drew. Apparently, Drew’s mother called the Chief at home and yelled at him for having an incompetent staff. How did she get the Chief’s home number? The Chief explains that since Drew’s mother is a nurse she “used the system” to get his number. I wonder if I can “use the system” to get Sandra Oh’s home number?
Meredith tells the Chief that she has everything under control. She’s just waiting for a CT and the guy doing the CT is backed up. The Chief marches down and yells at the CT guy to hurry up processing the tests. There are supposed to be two CT guys working but one of them ditched work. The Chief calls the CT guy at home and yells at him over the phone. If the CT guy doesn’t get to Seattle Grace in five minutes then he and the other CT guy will be fired.
Then the Chief turns to Meredith and Alex and says, “That’s how you get things done at night.” Oh, snap! When did the Chief become Tyra Banks?
Lexie tells the parents that their oldest son Lucas is in critical condition. Then the mother asks Lexie about their other son Riley. Lexie breaks the news that Riley has passed away. Needless to say, the parents don’t take it well.
The acetone isn’t separating April’s lovestruck patients and she doesn’t know what to try next. Just then, a drunken Bailey waddles into the hospital to take a nap and sober up. Buzz-kill April pounces on Bailey and begs her to tell her how to treat her patients. Bailey says the world needs more love and the kids shouldn’t be separated. Then April asks Bailey if she’s drunk. Umm, duh!
Then a drunken Teddy stumbles into the hospital. Where are the security guards? Why don’t these doctors just take cabs home?
Meredith asks the drunk Teddy if she’s willing to give a consult to her patient. The intoxicated Teddy says that she’s just walking off the drunk until she can get her car keys back and drive home. Teddy tells Meredith that Arizona and Callie are her aspirational couple and she’s devastated by their break up. Join the club!
Then Teddy says she’s also devastated that her star student Cristina is pouring Irish car-bomb shots at Joe’s bar and letting the bachelor party feel her up. Wait, Cristina is letting people feel her up? What’s the address for Joe’s Bar?
At McSteamy’s apartment, Callie lies drunk on the couch and McSteamy unzips and removes her boots.
McSteamy asks Callie if she’s OK and she says she just needs to sleep. Sleep and dream of Arizona …
The CT comes back and Meredith learns that Drew has a bleeding ulcer. Drew needs surgery but Dr. Stark is not answering his pager. Has anyone tried texting him or posting a comment on his Facebook wall? Alex and Meredith decide to prep Drew and if Stark doesn’t show up they will operate without him.
Unsurprisingly, Stark doesn’t show up and Alex begins to cut into the boy. Alex instructs the nurses to also call Bailey for help. Bailey is still drunk in another part of the hospital. When Bailey’s phone rings she passes it off to April. April says that Bailey is “indisposed” then hangs up. Bailey then says she wants to booty call her ex-Ben and tell him that he knows how to “take care of" her "needs.” I feel dirty for even typing that.
April takes Bailey’s phone away and insists that drunk dialing isn’t a good idea. (Ok, ladies I challenge you to see who has the worst drunk texing/dialing story. Leave your story in the below comments.)
Then Bailey says she doesn’t need to take advice from April because she’s a virgin. To make April feel better, Bailey says she’s glad Alex didn’t take her virginity, which she calls her “maiden voyage.”
Bailey: You take your maiden voyage with a nice boy. A kind boy, a boy who loves you. A boy that you love so much that you want to super-glue yourself to him. You wait, you keep your knees together. … Use soap and warm water.
April: On my maiden voyage?
Bailey: On the Super Glue!
April heads off to try the water and Bailey passes out.