When we last saw the staff of Seattle Grace Hospital, Derek was back in jail for driving like a jackass, Cristina and Owen got married (without my consent!), Alex still had a bullet in his chest and Meredith hadn’t been cleared for surgery or told Derek that she was pregnant and had a miscarriage.
In Season 7, Episode 2 “Shock to the System” there is heavy rain and dark clouds in Seattle. (Duh, it’s Seattle! That’s how it always is.)
Meredith cries to McBeardy about how scared she was when Derek was shot. Her face is streaked with too much Mariah Carey-like mascara and her over-acting recalls that of William Shatner in Star Trek (and everything else he’s ever acted in). Meredith crumples up wads of used tissues and thanks McBeardy for letting her get all of her emotions out. McBeardy sees through Meredith’s crocodile tears and asks her if she needs a hug to which she responds, “Go hug yourself!” I have a feeling McBeardy does hug himself every morning, along with a strong pat on the back and a quick comb through his neat little beard.
Cristina wakes up next to her “husband” Owen and immediately stares at her wedding ring in disbelief. (Cristina, I’m shocked you married him too!) Owen tries to quell Cristina’s regrets by giving her some kind of granola bar. (I recommend the toffee chip Harvest Bar, though it doesn’t really “calm me” as much as it makes me regular. I wonder if Owen’s granola bar is made of roofies. )
Lexi is sick of all the doctors and interns gossiping about her behind her back so she makes an announcement to clear the air by screaming, “Yes, I am the crazy one. I am the one that freaks out and screams at people. Like that.” I’m not sure her announcement worked the way she wanted it to and I’m certainly glad she’s not my doctor. I prefer a doctor with warm hands and a nice disposition. And a good butt never hurt anyone. Now, everyone has to stop asking Lexi if she’s OK. SHE’S FINE!!!
Meredith left Derek in jail the night before, so she’s trying to avoid him at the hospital. (Dinner at home is going to be awkward.) Cristina asks Meredith if she felt “different” after she got married. Meredith tells Cristina to give herself time to adjust.
Cristina: Your marriage is full of secrets and felonies. Why am I asking for your advice?
Derek shows up to Seattle Grace directly from jail. He looks a mess and smells like urine. Couldn’t he have showered before coming to work? I don’t want my brain surgeon infecting my brain with a prisoner’s urine. (Not that anyone would want that.) Actually isn’t urine supposed to be sterile? OK , I’m getting off track here.
It continues to pour in Seattle because once again, duh, it’s Seattle!
Callie and Arizona are discussing the new design of their apartment. Arizona calls Callie’s apartment “harsh and frowny,” to which Callie takes offense. Arizona quickly recovers by calling Callie’s design aesthetic “modern and edgy.” Nice save Arizona!
Arizona really wants to compromise and make their apartment more “smiley.” Smiley, as in Guy Smiley? Has Arizona been struck in the head recently?
Bailey runs into Alex and somehow feels him up. While caressing his chest, she feels the bullet that is still inside of him and has now worked its way to the surface. Bailey tells Alex he needs to remove the bullet or else she won’t let him operate until he’s been operated on. Alex exits to press charges against Bailey for molesting him. (Kidding.)
Teddy and Owen ask the Chief if he can override McBeardy’s decision and allow Cristina to be a part of their heart reconstruction surgery. The Chief agrees and we learn that the heart patient was once the patient of Cristina and Dr. Preston “I got fired for being a jerk to a gay cast member” Burke. The patient ask Cristina about her marriage to Burke, which obviously didn’t happen. Cristina has terrible taste in men!
Owen and Teddy look around the room awkwardly and, to make it even more awkward, Owen announces that he married Cristina the night before. (Cristina is like the town bicycle. Everyone has had a ride.) The heart patient smiles and congratulates Cristina but it’s pretty obvious that even she doesn’t approve of their marriage. (Join the club lady!)