“Grey’s Anatomy” minicap: “Almost Grown”

Callie is enjoying the Chief’s competition way too much. She is going around freaking out all the other real Attendings and making them over think their presentations. Arizona thinks the million dollars is automatically going to be awarded to “tiny humans” aka the Pediatrics’ Department. Callie is feeling overly confident that she will have the best presentation and she doesn’t hide her arrogance. I prefer the humbler Callie to this one, but hey, screen time is screen time.

Teddy is teamed up with Cristina and April. Their patient has trouble breathing and needs new lungs to survive. Since today is bring your resident to work day, Teddy is making April and Cristina step up and give the orders. April has no problem flapping her gums while Cristina refuses to make any calls and responds to all questions with, “I don’t know.” Come on Cristina, you do know!

Teddy is sick of Cristina’s indifference and has had enough. 

Teddy scolds Cristina, “We’re at a crossroads Yang. You either get in the game or I tell Richard it’s time to send you home.” That’s right, Cristina — either s–t or get off the bedpan!

Teddy is the first to sit down with the Chief. Her cardiology presentation starts out strong and then somehow it transitions into her complaining about Derek’s inability to train the staff and she reveals that she’s still holding resentment towards Derek for trying to get her fired. Teddy needs therapy and I’m pretty sure her whiny pitch won’t help the Cardio department win the million dollars. 

Meredith and Avery are preparing for their brain surgery by practicing on eggs. They are allowed to break the egg’s shell but not crack the membrane. Avery has trouble while Meredith operates with ease. (Foreshadowing: five bucks says Derek is going to pick Avery over Meredith.) While Meredith slices up her egg Cristina says she doesn’t want to be an Attending, even for the day. 

Cristina: I shouldn’t be in charge of anybody.
Meredith: Just put one foot in front of the other. Just get through the day.

Since Lexi seems to be the only resident who’s still a resident in the entire hospital, she’s running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to handle everyone’s patients at once. But don’t worry, the overachieving Lexi likes it that way.

Back to Alex’s male boob patient — let’s just call him Boy Boobs. Boy Boobs desperately wants cosmetic surgery to remove his massive breasts while his overbearing mother is questioning the surgery. Apparently, Boy Boobs’ father also has massive breasts and she’d prefer if her son just dealt with them rather than went under the knife. (If you don’t want Boy Boobs to have surgery then why did you take him to the hospital in the first place?)

April and Cristina’s lung patient, let’s call him Mr. Bad Lungs, tells Cristina that she has a sour puss on her face. Cristina says she’s not making a sour puss face that it’s just how her face naturally looks. April agrees and says Cristina’s face is just naturally sour puss-y. 

Lexi runs around the hospital and stops in to check on one of Callie’s patients who recently had knee surgery. The patient, Meghan, tells Lexi that she’d prefer to see an Attending rather than the frazzled sweaty Lexi who obviously has too much on her plate. Lexi reassures Meghan that she’s completely competent to work with her and rattles off all of Meghan’s medical records to prove that she knows what she’s talking about.  

Owen gives a compelling speech to the Chief about how he would use the million dollars towards trauma training. Owen explains that during the Season 6 finale shootings Bailey was unable to save Dr. Charles Percy and therefore he died in her arms. Owen explains that Bailey did everyone medically correct but was unprepared for that emergency because she was never trained for that trauma. Owen says Bailey and the hospital should have been able to get Percy to an OR and save his life. Owen’s speech is so compelling that I take out my check book and write him a check immediately. Although, the check is post-dated and can’t be cashed until December 23, 2012. 

Damn it Shonda Rhimes! Why are you making me like Owen? Now, if you just make Cristina divorce Owen and make her a lesbian instead then we can be best friends forever!

It’s McSteamy’s turn to pitch his case to the Chief and he comes prepared. McSteamy wants Seattle Grace to be the go to destination for burn victims and he also wants to expand the plastic surgery department. McSteamy explains that the revenue from cosmetic surgery will fund the burn unit. (Which is actually a really good idea.)  To close out his pitch, McSteamy tells the Chief that he’s extremely focused on this idea since he’s currently not sleeping with any nurses, Residents or Attendings and, therefore, he has the power of 10 men. 

McSteamy says to the Chief, “Together we can move mountains!” The Chief asks McSteamy to leave his office and a janitor comes in and sterilizes the chair McSteamy was sitting in. I have a feeling McSteamy and his slumbering libido won’t be getting the million dollars either.

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