Tess texts Lexy a message that communicates she will return to her shortly. Whilst Hipflask makes them head into Maggie and Tom Delaware’s back garden to deliver a dog a present.
Hipflask gets himself into a tiswas about his dog’s plush new all singing all dancing kennel in the garden. Because he is a bit fixated and a bit alcohol fuelled, Hipflask tries to smash a window with a garden fork. Tess wrestles with him because this is clearly a bit mental. The police arrive and they rush to hide in the kennel, which is all a bit ironic.
Lee: This scene is unacceptable. I feel like I was misunderstood when I said I liked these Hipflask scenes because now we have a six minute caper that I do not want.
Sarah: None of us want this. I want more Lexy and Tess, more Artful Dodgeress or more fraught-cop.
Lee: Basically any of the other characters.
Back at the book launch Ed is bathing in the glory of his new fan club, which seems to hang on his every word. That is until Nora claws them from him by talking about an acting role she once had that she knows will get the attention back on her. Ed looks quizzical and a very tiny bit angered.
Back with Hugh and Tess and the police are there and Maggie is there and Tom Delaware is there and it turns out that Hugh was a bit of a shagger and that’s the real reason his wife left him. So what? That’s what we’re thinking. We’ve taken right against Hugh now for selfishly ruining Tess’s potential moment of happiness. And also taking up at least seven minutes of the show that could have just been Sadie sitting on a chair being f—ing awesome.
DS Sam Murray sits alone in her flat swigging a bottle of the dark stuff. She pulls out the bag of the white stuff (not milk) from her pocket, which she took from the junkie scum that she interviewed earlier.
The book launch is drawing to a close and Nora is pleased that she has pleasured the huddle of sci-fi fans by lying to them about working with Peter Jackson and the likes. Lexy walks past with her alien cardboard friend, suggesting they may have encounters of the sexual kind; this is because she is drunk on the whole pitcher of vodka Tess left her with.
Nora is still harping on about giving the sci-fi enthusiasts the old razzle, dazzle treatment because that’s how she rolls: she’s an old time showbiz crowd pleaser.
Ed can just about stomach Nora’s attitude until she mixes Lord of the Flies with Lord of the Rings. At this point he does go a little bit wobbly at her literary ignorance sharply declaring:
Ed: They’re totally different.
Nora acknowledges nothing and breezes on past him.
Lee: She’s f—ed this now. Ed will never be able to have sex with someone who has never seen Lord Of The Rings.
In a complete act of retribution at her past life, DS Sam Murray takes a line of coke. She uses her police ID badge to chop the line and snorts the badger from an old photo of Cat.
Lee: Poor Sam, this is awful, but I understand why it’s happening.
Sarah: She spent so long being the perfect girlfriend and now it doesn’t matter a jot.
Tess runs back to the book launch after her garden party debacle. Nighttime has fallen and everything has shut up shop so she appears like a stranger in the night creeping between the shadows which is handy because she sees Ed and Nora having a right old barny outside. She creeps behind a wall to watch without being spied. Ed has finally seen the real Nora for the first time.
Ed: Tess was right about you: you’re a self-centered bitch. This was a mistake, we were not meant to be together.
Nora: OK, look I get it. You’re upset about Cat —
Ed: Don’t, don’t even go there, Cat would have hated you. See you around.
They part ways and Tess is left feeling none too clever about her name being used as a weapon to fire at Nora.