Sadie is settling her hotel bill by a very surly receptionist who gives her a look of judgment, knowing that this room was rented by the hour not by the night.
Tess is alone with Nora’s bottle of champagne looking at a flyer for a Roller Derby. She has the brilliant idea of inviting Lexy to come rollerskating with her, because of course that’s how all love stories begin, with rollerskates and broken noses. She fishes out her old skates from under her bed and gets practicing with very little success. She is on her back and wobbling like a very precarious one more than gliding on her feet.
Lee: Remember I nearly joined a roller derby team? I was going to be Lee-Thal Weapon.
Sarah: Until you realised that face elbowing was allowed.
Lee: If I’m honest, I just wanted the outfit and the name.
Sarah: I liked you in the outfit.
Lexy and Sam are having breakfast together after yet another jog around the Weege. Sam tells her that her little grey cells have been spinning over Lexy’s recent strange happenings and tells her that keeping a diary of everything is the way forward. Lexy thinks this may be taking the situation a little bit too seriously. She is more concerned about Sam’s panic attacks but Sam is a very tightlipped individual and doth not like to show a weakness so she shrugs it off and announces that she’s getting herself a Danish to end the conversation. Look at these two all worried about each other. The relationship has planted some proper seeds now. Seeds of love, we hope. Oh, we did not even know that we really hoped that until we just typed it. Interesting.
Lexy is home and Tess is ready, lounging with a magazine in the kitchen with her assets very much on show. She shuffles into the hall to meet Lexy who does not give them a glance, but this does not perturb Tess as she has a plan.
Tess: I was just reading an article in The List (Scotland’s going out bible) about skateboarding. Not that I am into skateboarding. Anyway, anyway there was an advert for a roller disco, which I was pretty good at back in the day – could go backwards and everything. Anyway, um it’s on tonight.
Lexy: Yeah? Sounds cool.
So just like that, Tess believes stage one has been reached. However it is plain to the observer that Lexy was not really paying attention. Just then Sadie comes out of the bathroom with a very large towel turban on her head. Lexy asks if getting her article published is going well.
Sadie: I suppose it will when she’s [Lauren] read it.
Tess and Lexy exchange knowing glances to each other.
Lexy is with Gay Stud at the hospital.
Sarah: Whenever Lexy or Gay Stud are on a ward, I’ve never seen them without the other one. They’re like Cannon and Ball of the medical world.
Lee: Cannon and Ball?
Bea has somehow sorted her life out and is free that evening so Lexy invites her over to her place. This is all very casual and Lexy is delighted that the no strings are clearly visible again, so to speak.
Tess and Hipflask are back in the rehearsal fold bitching about their lives and the general misery of it. Hipflask has just been given access to his and his ex-wife’s dog at weekends. This does not satisfy him one jot because he believes this will lead to her and Thomas Delaware being able to hot foot it to various romantic weekend citybreak destinations and he is preparing for a battle.
Hipflask: [looking at Nora entering] And if that one cuts up rough today she can have a piece of me too.
However Nora has flown in with a personality makeover as she gives both Tess and Hipflask a compliment, much to their obvious delight.
Sarah: Did Nora just need a massive shag to sort out her personality?
Lee: That is sometimes all a person needs.
Sadie is back at her day job looking like a French Fancy with her hat on trying to remember the cheeses on her trolley. It’s clear that her desire to learn the cheese board is about as strong and real as a Dairylea triangle.
Head Honcho: This restaurant is famous for its cheese board and there are plenty of genuine cheese enthusiasts out there who would give anything for this job.
Sadie: I know, I am sorry… I just really, really need the loo.
Lee: I would genuinely love this job. They could pay me in cheese.
Sarah: I couldn’t wear that hat, not even for cheese.
Sadie really did need the loo – as a location for a line of coke. At this point, we’d like to tell the Americans that coke-tooting in the toilets of the workplace is not quite as prolific as this show would have you believe. But let’s all just remember that this is television.
The cocaine turns out to be the very thing to unlock the part of Sadie’s brain labeled “Cheese knowledge” and she revisits her trolley with a splendid acquaintance of all things Stinky Bishop, Brie, Cheddar. Unfortunately our little cheese porn moment is interrupted by Sadie being accosted by a table of pushy men who suggest she and her girlfriend meet them later for sleazy times. She rebukes them with class and utter disdain. This riles them and they complain that the wine is corked. Sadie takes a long swig straight from their bottle and calmly tells him it is not. Once again, we wish Sadie was our friend. A friend that doesn’t have keys to our house.