We believe in being up front, so we’re just going to go ahead and tell you that this was probably our favourite ever episode of Lip Service. This is quite a feat really given that we are very fond of Francesca and her hair, and we also enjoyed Cat’s furrowed brow, the Jaygermeister’s nonsense and the dramatic love triangle, which are all a-goner. This episode felt like Lip Service: The Sequel. Fresher, darker and grittier with a strange genre mash up that works nonetheless. So here we go, episode four, our favourite number.
In Tess’ kitchen, Ed romanticizes over his morning waking up in the bosom of his new beau, and Tess’ nemesis, Nora. He spirals off into smitten tales of how hearing her breathe beside him makes him feel alive again.
Lee: I forgive Nora her vileness a little if she can make Ed feel a bit better. Poor wee Ed.
Sarah: I cannot yet, for I do not trust her intentions towards Ed.
He is clearly very taken by Nora and Tess may well have been more affronted by this twist in their tale had she not been so distracted by Lexy stretching in the hallway, her premium rump, plum in Tess’ eye line.
Ed tells Tess that Nora is a big Tess fan (aren’t we all?). Unsurprisingly Tess scoffs in disbelief at this news of Nora’s fandom and the fact that it was indeed Nasty Narcissist Nora’s idea for Ed to bring her breakfast that morn. However it soon transpires that this was more likely a sneaky way to just smooth Tess over because Ed is now taking her to an awards ceremony as opposed to Tess, whom he promised the invitation to yonks ago. Tess eats a doughnut as way of heartening herself over the disappointment.
Lee: This is making me feel really sad for Tess. She’s all alone without Ed.
Sarah: It’s that Nora one. She’s a sly fox.
Sam and Lexy are running up that hill, running up that hill.
Lee: Can we just pause this for a moment to look at how f–king spectacular my hometown Glasgow looks in this shot?
Sarah: I think you might have more readily commented on how Lexy and Sam are looking pretty fly in their Lycra get up.
Lee: Yes, but I’d have to date that view before either of them.
Sarah: You sound like one of those weird people who shag cars and bridges.
Lee: I can’t apologise for this. Just look at it.
We press play and Sam and Lexy are still running up that very special, somewhat sexually arousing hill. We like to think that in Lexy’s heart she is singing to herself “Unaware that I’m tearing you asunder. There is thunder in our hearts, baby.” Outwardly, she just asks Sam how she is.
Sam: I’m all right; you know, keeping busy.
Lexy offers Sam a ticket for an evening of wine tasting. The consultant that invited her pulled out, and she would therefore like to pull Sam in. Sam is wishy washy about whether or not she’d like to go and begins her descent, running down that hill, with Lexy running down that gorgeous hill, clipping at her heels.
Lexy arrives home, knackered from her jog with the superfit DS Murray. She falls to the floor, in part, perhaps in reaction to weak knees caused by spending such a time in the company of the hot cop. Tess joyously meets her and asks how Sam is, sinking slightly as she admits to not calling Sam because, apart from Cat, she fears they have nothing to chat about. Tess returns to a topic she does love and suggests that she and Lexy spend a little time in the boozer together that night.
Lexy: I’d love to but I can’t. I’ve invited Sam to this sort of wine-tasting thing. You know just to get her out of the house and I’d ask you but I just have a couple of tickets, so …
Tess: Oh no, no it’s fine. No problem. I have got loads of lines to learn.
Her emphatic negation is a crystal clear giveaway that, for her, it is not fine.
Sadie saunters into the hallway, as only the Artful Dodgeress can. She’s written an article and is off to see her “one-time” sexual encounter, magazine editor Lauren to see if she can earn some dough from this writing lark. She declares that she is a little more than confident because she “f–ked the editor.”
Then Lexy and Sadie are gone leaving Tess in the hallway. Alone. Oh, Tess.
Back at the local nick, Ryder delicately tells Sam that Cat’s belongings have been released and questions whether she would like them. She cuts him off and tells him that she will think about it – clearly not over enthusiastic about thinking about rifling through her dead partner’s last possessions.
Back at the hospital, Gay Stud continues to tease Lexy about her hotcop longings. She informs him that she’s invited Sam to taste vino with her that evening, insisting that it is nothing but platonic. Bea walks in and hears Lexy’s plans. She masks her jealousy in a very rubbish way by feigning a sudden hope that they could swing it together that eve and when she whimpers away like a wounded puppy it is up to Gay Stud to give a sarcastic summary of events.
Gay Stud: So you’re not going on a date – and she’s not in any way jealous?
Lexy is called to see a patient by the hospital receptionist, but in a first ever happening in the entire history of the NHS, there is not a soul waiting anywhere to be seen in the A&E waiting room. This scene should be used as a party political broadcast. To make it even creepier, the receptionist tells Lexy how eager beaver this fella was to see her, not contemplating that this might be a bit weird. Lexy tries to shrug it off but has the face of a woman on the run. We question episode two again: Why does Lexy have no belongings? What are these weird phone calls? And where exactly has she come from?
Sadie ushers herself into the magazine headquarters and finds Lauren chatting to one of her employees. Sadie gives her a grin that suggests she was always going to hot step back there, but Lauren does a face that says she certainly was not expecting this lady to ring twice. She displays her anger to the man she was talking to, and with a touch of Diana Leatherby from Tipping The Velvet, orders him to fetch “that girl”.
Sadie, under instruction, walks over and Lauren instantly accuses her of being a stalker. Sadie tells her to basically get over herself because quite frankly she was nothing special. She’s there purely to talk shop and leaves the article on Lauren’s desk. Lauren is left looking quite the foolish egomaniac.
Lee: I think she read our recap because she’s stopped wearing that ming thing of a jacket.
It’s the end of their policing shift and Ryder – because he has a special heart that warms the cockles – offers to keep Sam company with a Cagney & Lacey box set that evening instead of slumming it with their work colleagues down the pub. Sam refuses as she tells him she is going to taste some bouquets with Lexy. Ryder throws in an insult about choosing sophistication over beer but is pleased that she’s tiptoeing back into the ring. Lexy calls and Sam rejects the call, suggesting that she’s still teetering on the edges of that ring.
Sarah: The banter between Ryder and Sam I enjoy and thus I would like there to be a Murray & Ryder spin off and call it, Murder.