Back at the hospital Lexy is examining a patient’s broken leg when Gay Stud walks in and feigns the role of a specialist. He begins writing his phone digits with an invisible marker only visible by X-Ray on the patient’s leg so that his eye candy can see them.
Lexy pulls him away and tells him that his actions are morally questionable and he barters her back by telling her that impure thoughts towards the grief-stricken hot cop are not ideal.
Tess and Ed are in the pub waiting for Sam when Tess tells Ed about Frankie’s recent ups to the Big Apple. She also tells Ed that she thinks it is best not to tell DS Murray because of the pair’s history. Ed thinks this will not do and Tess is clearly awkward about his refusal to lie. Sam arrives and they instantly fill her in on Sadie and Lexy’s recent sexcapades. Naturally this leads to chatting about Frankie and her regular misdemeanors.
Ed: Frankie’s gone back to the States.
Sam: When did this happen?
Ed: Last night?
Tess: Yeah, I think she got a job over there or something.
Sam looks disturbed by this news, because despite what she told her counselor, she feels uneasy about the Cat/Frankie situation. Tess has a face that epitomizes awkwardness. She makes a feeble excuse about feeling a little queasy and leaves because she is finding it difficult to keep the motivation for Frankie’s real departure buttoned up.
The Artful Dodgeress is unrecognizable in a pinny and rubber gloves, sprucing the kitchen to its former glory. She tells Lexy who is sitting in very, very questionable knee length army shorts that she does not know if Frankie will return again. She has however come up with a solution to her monetary woes by vowing to sell the belongings that Frankie left behind.
Sarah: Not sure that a drawer full of second hand dildos is going to get her the readies.
Tess returns home, confused that Sadie and Lexy have been replaced by Kim and Aggie. The Artful Dodgeress compliments her namesake by handing Tess a new radio, which still has the security tag on it. Tess concedes that her reaction may have been an irrational one but they apologise and they all sit in merriment with wine.
Tess can’t help but ask Lexy about her sexy time. Lexy explains that Bea has an open relationship with her girlfriend who travels a lot, but that if Lexy met someone that took her fancy, then the f–k buddiness would come to an end
Sadie: Well now that we’re all friends, if someone wants to lend me a tenner, I’ll get the dinner in — keep your wig on; I’ve got a plan to pay it back.
Lee: I loved this scene. I want more of these little friendship scenes.
Sarah: Sadie is amazing and Lexy is such a good new egg.
Back at Sam’s quarters, she strips her bed but gets distracted by finding some of Cat’s clothes and clings herself to the smell that she misses so much. She forces herself away but this brings her to her knees and she begins to finds it difficult to breathe, a minor panic attack is induced.
Tess and fellow cast members are doing the old trust trick of facing forward and falling back into one another’s arm, in the hope that they are indeed there and they don’t break their back. Of course Tess is falling into Nora’s arms. Nora does her very best to insinuate Tess is a heifer lump by faux-struggling to catch her.
Lexy and Gay Stud are in the canteen once more. His plan to seduce the target of his affections has not been successful and Lexy declares that she is out of the game, pledging only to befriend and not to bed DS Murray.
Tess and her castmates are playing a “get to know your character” game. She is quizzed furiously and she must respond as her character Sonia. Nora probes her about her guiltiest secret, which finally breaks Tess because her state of mind is warped by feelings of guilt and loss. She runs off in tears and Hipflask explains about Tess’ bereavement before going to comfort her. Hipflask encourages Tess to open up to him and she tells him that she questions whether her actions are the cause of Cat’s demise. Hipflask tells her that this is silly and we agree because we’ve seen The Butterfly Effect with Ashton Kutcher.
Hipflask goes back to nursing his loathing of Thomas Delaware, the fella his wife left him for, by pulling out a glowing newspaper article about him. He tells Tess to get very drunk with him so they can enact pointless acts of reprisal at him. She laughs through her tears.
Sexy Lexy is running and low and behold she spots her DS’s back, limbering up against some railings.
Lee: At this point, I must tell you that there are often more than two joggers at any time in Glasgow.
Lexy consciously squashes her initial enthusiasm by holding onto the strength to keep her feelings in check and tries to bypass the lady that tickles her fancy unnoticed. But Sam spots her and after some polite chitchat suggests they run together. Lexy jogs with her face a picture of a smitten kitten.
The Artful Dodgeress is waiting for the editor lady with the nice shoes and shit jacket outside her work. Sadie tells her she wishes to discuss another article over an alcoholic beverage.
Lauren: What if I’m busy?
Sadie: Then you would be missing out.
Sadie slowly saunters away and Lauren runs her eyes down Sadie’s leather-clad body.
Ed joins Tess and her acting oddballs at the boozer. Tess introduces him; nobody gives a jot apart from Hipflask because he is a decent one, and the rest are sociopathic narcissists. That is until Tess tells Hipflask that Ed has recently landed a film deal and Nora spins around like a spinning top that has just been flicked.
Lauren and Sadie drink cocktails. Sadie admits she is not ladled with article ideas she just wishes to flirt quite outrageously with Lauren. Lauren rebukes the advances. She tells her that she’s married but Sadie scoffs. Lauren’s eyes linger at our Artful Dodgeress far too long and longingly for someone who declares they are so committed.
Sarah: I’m not taken at all by all these loose lesbians.
Lee: I know, but it’s a TV show. I don’t believe that all lawyers do drugs because of This Life.
Sarah: I do.
Lauren’s phone rings and she lies about her happenings because she has fallen for the Artful Dodgeress’ cockney tongue.
Lexy and Sam walk together. It is doubtful how much effort was put into this jog, as neither looks particularly sweaty. They talk about Frankie’s disappearing act, Lexy remarking on her ignorance as to the motivation. Sam feigns a genuine care but is clearly uncomfortable and shifts herself away. Lexy is left alone craving more on the bridge.
Nora has taken little Ed under her wing and is playing another part, the perfect ear, shoulder and breast for Ed to take claim to.
Ed approaches Tess.
Ed: I know you think she is annoying but I think she is all right but I think she is up for it, so? Bye.
Lee: Ha ha, I love Ed for this one selfish act of his life.
Tess is left gobsmacked with Hipflask and his Thomas Delaware preoccupations. He leads her to the streets, where they deface several posters by scrawling words like “prick” and adding penises on Thomas Delaware’s chin
Meanwhile Sadie and Lauren return to Lauren’s office for a bit of naked copywriting.
Lauren: This is a one-time thing.
Sarah: I suspect it is not.
Meanwhile, DS Murray is still on the streets in her jogging gear and she suffers another bout of breathing problems and falls to her knees as the episode ends.
Sarah: Heather’s acting has been rather good throughout this episode: very understated coupled with very intense.
Lee: Agreed. This was a brilliant episode overall apart from the Italian and Frankie’s departure.
Sarah: But I like the new flatmate dynamics. I suspect more thrills and spills will ensue.
Lee: Also, I feel bad about this, but I didn’t miss Cat at all.
Sarah: I did not either. This was in part because I was distracted by the shagathon.