Cat arrives outside her office and shouts: “F–k.” The Americans might think this is a bit weird, but we can assure you that’s how we Brits greet every new day at our workplace.
Jay is inside also with a new barnet — we much preferred the old one — looking up women on the internet, which is the kind of work ethic that allowed us Brits to build an empire. On Cat’s request they go to the office rooftop and smoke a joint. The Americans might think this bit is weird, but we can assure you that’s just how we Brits solve problems in the workplace.
Cat tells Jay that she and Frankie were sleeping together before she went on holiday with DS Murray. Jay asks about her feelings for Frankie but Cat just wants to get giddy on drugs and not talk about this sort of caper.
Frankie goes to see her mum for a cup of tea. (This time, it really is just a cup of tea.) She tells her mum about her Cat yearnings. It’s not exactly Swiss Family Robinson, but Frankie needs a shoulder and her mum’s will do very nicely it seems. The advice has been flowing for only a few minutes however when Frankie’s mum suddenly ushers her out the backdoor. Frankie’s mum’s husband is home and she isn’t ready to introduce her illegitimate Eleanor/Frankie child to her old man just yet.
Sarah: This is all rather upsetting
Lee: It’s no wonder Frankie wants to drink tea with different girls all the time
Cat and Jay are sauntering around the office, smiling like hippies because they are stoned out of their nut. Their boss tells them that they need to do a pitch in 45 minutes. This could be a triumphant disaster.
Frankie is sitting in the park, smoking. She spots Sadie, The Artful Dodgeress, who is randomly sitting by the river’s edge reading a book, smoking. She looks like a character in a Velvet Underground song. Frankie approaches her and blames her for this, that, and the other, but mainly for withdrawing her cheap rent which meant she and Tess had to move and find a flatmate. Sadie cooly explains that she was fired for giving them the cheap rent and then shoots Frankie down without ever changing her bored expression:
Sadie: It’s not my fault you’re unhappy, Frankie. Sort yourself out and stop acting like a f–king c–k.
Lee: I totally heart Sadie.
Sarah: I heart her with all of my heart.
Back at the ranch, the potential flatmate arrives in the form of a very pleasant Australian lady in a biker jacket, who we will all come to know soon as Sexy Lexy. Like many of the women around the UK watching on their TV screens at home, Tess just stares openmouthed until it’s a little awkward, and a little bit of drool comes tip toeing out.
Sexy Lexy invites herself in, promising that she isn’t a serial killer, but admitting that she is a little bit weird. Those two facts are all you need to know about a potential housemate. She then makes a not very funny joke about bestiality, but of course Tess — and all of the women around the UK — laugh anyway, because she’s very attractive, so it would be rude not to.
Lee: I like the way she looks at Tess here, like she knows it wasn’t funny, but knew Tess would laugh anyway, but not in a horrid way. I don’t really know what I’m saying. I just liked her face.
Sarah: I like her walk. I’d like to make her and DS Murray have a swagger-off down a long street.
There then follows a silly discussion whereby Tess is amazed that Sexy Lexy likes Johnny Cash and Sexy Lexy says it’s a guilty pleasure. Johnny Cash really isn’t a guilty pleasure; he’s just a pleasure and it’s not that weird for people to like him, is it? We’re not talking about Billy Ray Cyrus here; we’re talking the man in black.
Sexy Lexy then notices the script for Tess’ play and says how much she loves that “bloody miserable” play. Her words are like a cupid’s arrow right into Tess’s lovely little heart and she beams and blushes as she tells Sexy Lexy that she’s playing the lead in the play at the Tron Theatre. Sexy Lexy looks genuinely impressed and she shows it by striding across the room and ripping Tess’s clothes off. Er, that didn’t happen. Sorry, save it for the fan fiction. What actually happens is that Tess offers Sexy Lexy some tea.
Sarah: Is this sex or tea?
Lee: I think its tea — but with extra sugar.