Marie/Magda is in a taxi, looking even more wasted than before. Tess calls the studio to inform them that she has a drunken on her hands, but the producer cuts her off because Marie is due on air in 20 minutes time.
Frankie tries to call Cat again but because her mobile is now on a fast washing-spin, it goes straight to voicemail again.
Marie arrives at the studio but collapses in her dressing room, dribbling. Tess’ fellow runner tells her that the only solution is for her to go on air, pretending to be the award-winning child psychologist, Marie Chambers instead.
We’re not sure if this actually is the most practical way to solve a problem like a drunken Maria.
Ten, nine, eight… and cue Tess lining up for her big chat show debut. For some reason, she’s donned Marie’s cardigan, as if this is going to disguise the fact that her face looks very different or that she has no child psychology information in her head. Three, two, one… Lou and Tom introduce Dr. Marie Chambers.
Tess: [whispering to a freaked out Lou and Tom] Don’t worry I’ll get you through this.
Oh dear. They go straight to a phone-in.
Lynne from Balmeddie: My little boy is 4-months-old but cries continuously through the night. I was wondering what you would suggest. We are getting desperate.
Tess: I’d imagine that if someone kept me up all night, I’d be pretty desperate too, unless they were hot obviously.
Sarah & Lee: I don’t think Tess is going to pull this off.
Tess: I would suggest reading to him. Has he heard Watership Down?
Lynne: He’s four months old.
Tess: Yes, well, advanced literature can be extremely stimulating. It’s like people in comas; they don’t seem like they’re listening, but they are.
Tom and Lou have never had anything like this on their show before.
The production manager looks very angered. The second caller is put on and Tess’ solution for a problem 7-year-old is that some kids are just brats, so perhaps boarding school or a scary nanny?
This ship has really sunk now and Tess is harshly sacked by the infuriated production manager.