Jay and Tess return from their alcohol-run. Before they get in the lift to Tess’ flat, where they plan to crack open one of the several bottles of wine they’ve bought, Tess receives a call from her agent. The agent tells her that she has an audition at 3pm that day, for a production of Uncle Vanya (a considered Russian masterpiece by Anton Chekhov) as the lead has dropped out. This is the first bit of good fortune Tess has had for a while and she is delighted.
As Jay remarks on the wonder of the metal work in the lift, it halts and makes the kind of sound that you wouldn’t want a lift to make while you are in it. Although Jay tries to reassure her it’s a temporary glitch, the reality of the situation strikes Tess.
Tess: I don’t believe this. After a stupendous birthday bash, I am now going to miss my audition because I’m stuck in a lift.
Frankie goes to see Uncle Fester and demands to know, "Who the f–k and what the f–k".
He’s drinking ale in a pub with friends – yes, Uncle Fester has friends – and aggravated by her presence and her line of questioning, he lowers his voice and threatens to harm her mother if she persists with her enquiry. Frankie leaves the pub.
Ed is at Cat’s flat helping her make room for DS Murray and all her truncheons and handcuffs. She congratulates him on his book deal and tries to comfort him over Tess avoiding him, suggesting it’s a temporary mood.
Ed: I know everyone thinks I’m an idiot but I couldn’t help it. She’s my best friend; no one gets me like Tess does.
Cat: Its okay Ed, I fell in love with my best friend, remember? She told me she loved me today. She wants to be with me.
Cat reassures Brother Ed that he shouldn’t worry and she wants to be with Sam. Ed is not convinced because he’s witnessed how much she loved Frankie. He tells her to stay clear because Frankie is trouble; going back will only allow history to repeat itself. He leaves, telling her she is a lucky one to be with someone like DS Murray.
Frankie sits on steps by the River Clyde and tries to call Cat but it rings out, so she continues to brood over her.
Sarah: Ladies, when you all start coming to Glasgow on a Lip Service pilgrimage, don’t go to that spot unless you’re partial to the smell of piss and enjoy cushions of broken glass.
Tess and Jay are still stuck in the lift, necking the wine and pondering on the things this unfortunate set of circumstances has kept them from: finding Becky and Tess’ possible big break. Jay questions why Tess is so angered at Ed, so she tells him that his lustings meant he wasn’t the best mate she thought he was.
Jay: You’re just punishing him because he fancies you and you think that makes him a loser.
Tess questions the Jaygermeister as a source of wisdom – as we all might – and reminds him of his Frankie encounter. He tells her this was not because of love or as a get out for his relationship, but just a momentary mistake. He’s certain that he is in love with Becky. This bout of honesty seems to be the catalyst that makes him try to rip the steel lift cage apart with his bare hands. We feel this plan is unlikely to work.
Cat listens to her answerphone message.
Frankie: Hey Cat, I’m not going to try and change your mind. I just really need to talk to you. I’ll be in the cafe in an hour, just let me know if you can make it.
Cat is further thrown into quandary quarters.
As we predicted, Jay’s plan to rip the lift apart did not work. Instead he tries yelling like a caveman into a wall of silence and just as all hope seems to be lost, Ed walks up the stairs. Jay is relieved and although Tess tries to keep him quiet, Jay shouts for Ed’s help.
Ed: Listen Jay I’m really sorry about last night.
Tess: [forgetting her Ed anger momentarily] Don’t apologise Ed, it’s him who can’t keep his pants on.
Jay: What are you sticking up for him for? I thought you were ignoring him?
Ed says that he is not going to set them free until Tess hears him out, much to Jay’s disbelief. Ed apologises for telling her of his man love and asks if everything can just revert back to how they once were. She thinks this will be tricky.
Ed: You’re still my best mate. I don’t know what I’ll do without you Tess. Who’s going to watch crap daytime quiz shows with me or laugh at fat people falling over on YouTube? [she's tickled by the fat comment] I always felt this way and it didn’t make a difference before, did it?
Jay tries to quicken the restoration of their friendship by telling Tess that every fella looks at all women with a wandering eye and that Ed has just submerged himself in a bit deeper. Although this is far from helpful, Tess agrees they can be friends, so long as his man love is never re-visited. He agrees and they are set free. He offers to drive her to the audition so she has a better chance of making it on time.
Jay: Try not to grope her in the backseat.