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Great LezBritain: “Lip Service” Recap – Episode Six, Season Finale

It’s still the night of Party Armageddon, and by first light down by the waterfront, Frankie swigs vodka straight from the bottle, like alcoholics do. Tess apologises for telling Ed about her brief liaison with Jay, and Frankie puts her arm around her as they walk home together.

Cat has awakened her DS with morning tea and they talk about the weirdness of the night before and all its happenings. The DS gets a call from her landlady and complains about the hassle of having to look for another place to live.

Cat: Maybe you don’t need to.

Sam: What do you mean?

Cat: You could move in with me.

A little awestruck, the DS may be getting the validation that she has been craving. She accepts and looks ridiculously delighted, partly because she’s been hinting about this for about three episodes.

Ed rings the doorbell of Frankie and Tess’ flat, but when Frankie looks through the peephole and alarms Tess to his presence, Tess runs around like a headless chicken, screeching that she doesn’t want to see him. They don’t answer and he walks away, no doubt with his little face tripping him.

Tess questions why Ed won’t just leave her alone as she carries boxes into the kitchen, while Frankie muses about the kind of sexual fantasies Ed would have before asking what she’s doing. Tess awkwardly says that Cat called to say that Sam is moving in with her. Frankie tries to act oh so casual but makes like a blizzard and explains she has lots and lots of stuff to do. This actually means going to her bedroom to stare out of the window despondently before texting Cat and asking to meet her.

A similar look of dejection can be found on Ed’s face as he sits in his Beetle feeling utterly stung by his love declaration and the little Tess-shaped hole in his life. Tess, meanwhile, is still ogling her Eye Candy in the opposite flat, who seems oblivious to her stalker like ways. Amidst her leering, a parcel is delivered. She opens it to find it is a drill-like device.

Lee: Oh, lesbians and our power tools, we just love them.

Sarah: Really? When have you EVER used a power tool?

Lee: I use ceramic straighteners — they are indeed a powerful tool.

Frankie is in a cafe and Cat arrives to meet her. Although Cat sits at the same table, she couldn’t sit much further away from her and tells Frankie that she is pretty much on borrowed time. Frankie questions Cat about DS Murray moving in with her.

Cat: Yes, I asked her this morning.

Frankie: I don’t want her to…I want to be with you… I love you.

Cat doesn’t seem entirely surprised and there is a small hint of quandary over her face. She questions why Frankie’s actions don’t match her supposed affections towards her — namely the Jaygermeister bedding incident, leaving her heartbroken, the lack of phone calls, and so on. Frankie exclaims that was all a reaction to her feeling rejected by Cat.

Cat: Why didn’t you just talk to me?

Frankie: I’m talking to you now. I’ve got to know how you feel about me. This is driving me nuts.

Cat: I was all yours Frankie, I would have done anything for you but you threw it away.

Frankie: I wasn’t ready then — but I am now.

Cat tells her that this Frankie behavioural pattern is very similar to the last time they were together, but Frankie is resolute that she’s changed and says they haven’t given their relationship a fair crack of the whip.

Cat: Whose fault was that?

With this undeniable truth, Frankie is silenced and looks even further crestfallen as Cat leaves her to it.

Back at the flat that we can now call “Cat and DS Murray’s flat,” Cat’s face is consumed with deep reflection. The DS complains about the extremely chilly weathers, yet has her sleeves rolled up pretty high – to no doubt signify that whatever the weathers, she’s a hands-on type of woman. She invites Cat to a work drinks night so she can finally meet her friends.

Sarah: Cat hasn’t even met her friends yet?

Lee: Even though the DS has had to endure parental lunches and ex-girlfriends and brothers? This relationship effort is certainly one-sided.

DS Murray believes Cat’s concern is related to her invitation and goes to give her a reassuring peck. Cat, like an uncoiled spring, exercises all of her unresolved mental tension and leeches on to her hot cop. She pulls open the DS’ sensible warm gilet, pulls down her trousers, tells her she loves her and demands to be f–ked. The DS is only too happy to oblige. She picks her up, places Cat on the kitchen surface and whips off her belt and top in an uncompromising moment of passion.

Frankie heads to a bar and orders a whisky. Because she’s wearing her pain like a tattoo on her forehead, a fella standing next to her spots it and offers to be an ear for her troubles. Instead, our Frankie thinks of something else he can offer. In the toilets, she and the stranger are kissing when he tries to get more physical. She catches sight of herself and thankfully realises that f–king a complete random in the bar toilets is maybe not the best course of action. Frankie pushes him off and begins to hot foot it out of there.

Just then, Darren, a.k.a. our drug dealer friend Bolt, enters the bar. Realising Frankie is not going to give up the chase, agrees to talk with her. He takes her to the boxing club, goes into a locker and hands over her missing photo album.

Darren: That’s what you want isn’t it, can’t you now just leave me alone?

Sarah: What a ridiculous question — yes weird boy she should just leave you alone even though you clearly are the key to unlocking the mystery of her life?

Frankie: No I want to know what the f–k is going on.

Darren tells her he can’t assist any further because Uncle Fester could make life rather thorny for Alma Carter, who he finally admits, is Frankie’s mum. And also, his mum. Which makes him Frankie’s secret brother. We’re finally getting somewhere with the “Who the F–k is Frankie?” puzzle. Darren apologies for not being able to divulge any further truths, and quite rightly, Frankie is frustrated and even further dejected.

A sorry looking Jay pops round to Frankie and Tess’ flat to ask if Tess has seen Becky. Tess, looking in the mirror at her Botox marks, tells him she hasn’t because Becky has gone AWOL to “reset her boundaries.” She then admits to not knowing what this means, as it’s just something she heard on Dr. Phil. They decide that drinking some booze is the best plan of action for the day ahead.

Ed has met his new literary agent who is very excited about potential publishers for his book – and is also very much a knob-neck.

Agent: In fact, they’re both clambering to whack their big fat cheque books on the table and spunk a wodge of cash in your direction [leers disgustingly at the waitress]

Lee: He makes me sick in my own mouth.

He goes on to tell Ed that success will soon mean he’ll have women clambering to suck him off. Ed disregards these words with the knowledge that his agent is a knob-neck but also revels in the positive news that his book may have a publishing deal soon. Yet, this happiness is tainted as he would most certainly phone Tess at this point but she’s still not taking his calls.

Jay and Tess return from their alcohol-run. Before they get in the lift to Tess’ flat, where they plan to crack open one of the several bottles of wine they’ve bought, Tess receives a call from her agent. The agent tells her that she has an audition at 3pm that day, for a production of Uncle Vanya (a considered Russian masterpiece by Anton Chekhov) as the lead has dropped out. This is the first bit of good fortune Tess has had for a while and she is delighted.

As Jay remarks on the wonder of the metal work in the lift, it halts and makes the kind of sound that you wouldn’t want a lift to make while you are in it. Although Jay tries to reassure her it’s a temporary glitch, the reality of the situation strikes Tess.

Tess: I don’t believe this. After a stupendous birthday bash, I am now going to miss my audition because I’m stuck in a lift.

Frankie goes to see Uncle Fester and demands to know, “Who the f–k and what the f–k”.

He’s drinking ale in a pub with friends — yes, Uncle Fester has friends — and aggravated by her presence and her line of questioning, he lowers his voice and threatens to harm her mother if she persists with her enquiry. Frankie leaves the pub.

Ed is at Cat’s flat helping her make room for DS Murray and all her truncheons and handcuffs. She congratulates him on his book deal and tries to comfort him over Tess avoiding him, suggesting it’s a temporary mood.

Ed: I know everyone thinks I’m an idiot but I couldn’t help it. She’s my best friend; no one gets me like Tess does.

Cat: Its okay Ed, I fell in love with my best friend, remember? She told me she loved me today. She wants to be with me.

Cat reassures Brother Ed that he shouldn’t worry and she wants to be with Sam. Ed is not convinced because he’s witnessed how much she loved Frankie. He tells her to stay clear because Frankie is trouble; going back will only allow history to repeat itself. He leaves, telling her she is a lucky one to be with someone like DS Murray.

Frankie sits on steps by the River Clyde and tries to call Cat but it rings out, so she continues to brood over her.

Sarah: Ladies, when you all start coming to Glasgow on a Lip Service pilgrimage, don’t go to that spot unless you’re partial to the smell of piss and enjoy cushions of broken glass.

Tess and Jay are still stuck in the lift, necking the wine and pondering on the things this unfortunate set of circumstances has kept them from: finding Becky and Tess’ possible big break. Jay questions why Tess is so angered at Ed, so she tells him that his lustings meant he wasn’t the best mate she thought he was.

Jay: You’re just punishing him because he fancies you and you think that makes him a loser.

Tess questions the Jaygermeister as a source of wisdom — as we all might — and reminds him of his Frankie encounter. He tells her this was not because of love or as a get out for his relationship, but just a momentary mistake. He’s certain that he is in love with Becky. This bout of honesty seems to be the catalyst that makes him try to rip the steel lift cage apart with his bare hands. We feel this plan is unlikely to work.

Cat listens to her answerphone message.

Frankie: Hey Cat, I’m not going to try and change your mind. I just really need to talk to you. I’ll be in the cafe in an hour, just let me know if you can make it.

Cat is further thrown into quandary quarters. As we predicted, Jay’s plan to rip the lift apart did not work. Instead he tries yelling like a caveman into a wall of silence and just as all hope seems to be lost, Ed walks up the stairs. Jay is relieved and although Tess tries to keep him quiet, Jay shouts for Ed’s help.

Ed: Listen Jay I’m really sorry about last night.

Tess: [forgetting her Ed anger momentarily] Don’t apologise Ed, it’s him who can’t keep his pants on.

Jay: What are you sticking up for him for? I thought you were ignoring him?

Tess: Jay!

Ed says that he is not going to set them free until Tess hears him out, much to Jay’s disbelief. Ed apologises for telling her of his man love and asks if everything can just revert back to how they once were. She thinks this will be tricky.

Ed: You’re still my best mate. I don’t know what I’ll do without you Tess. Who’s going to watch crap daytime quiz shows with me or laugh at fat people falling over on YouTube? [she’s tickled by the fat comment] I always felt this way and it didn’t make a difference before, did it?

Jay tries to quicken the restoration of their friendship by telling Tess that every fella looks at all women with a wandering eye and that Ed has just submerged himself in a bit deeper. Although this is far from helpful, Tess agrees they can be friends, so long as his man love is never re-visited. He agrees and they are set free. He offers to drive her to the audition so she has a better chance of making it on time.

Jay: Try not to grope her in the backseat.

In the car – not being groped – Tess tells Ed of her genuine delight about his book deal. They discuss the recent events and Ed says he doesn’t regret telling her about his feelings because it will allow him to change and go onto pastures new. This maturity is fairly alien in their relationship and they can’t help but both beam out a grin.

He gives her words of encouragement and she dashes off to her audition. Alone in the car, he smiles a smile over having his best friend back.

Frankie is still on the smelly steps by the Clyde flicking through her photo album. Frankie butter-fingers drops the album and a photo she hasn’t seen before falls out. It shows Uncle Fester holding a child – that looks remarkably like Frankie — except written on the photo is “Eleanor at 10-months-old.”

Tess is at her audition, sitting on stage like a nervous one, but with much hope in her heart. The director asks what recent work she’s done. She spins a tale about LA and pilots but stops her web of lies a few sentences in and, instead, tells the truth about her daytime television habits and temping work. Then with intense sincerity, she describes her love for acting.

DS Murray is impressed by duster buster Cat’s quick work in re-arranging the flat and suggests that they go to the cinema before meeting her friends. Cat tells the DS about Frankie’s cafe invite but not the whole truth of why she wants to meet up. The DS tries to be reasonable but beyond Cat’s gaze, she illustrates her woe at the Frankie-effect.

Tess’ reading is full of emotion and quite beautiful. When she is finished, she nearly gives a little bow, which is adorable. The director gives a positive response and says he’ll get in touch. This looks hopeful. This looks like our girl may just have gotten a break.

Frankie enters a rough pub in the wrong side of town to see Uncle Fester along with a whisky — just as Cat texts to see if she is on route to meet her in the cafe. She decides to have it out with Fester once more and puts the photo of him and baby Eleanor-but-really-Frankie in front of him. She again pleads with him to tell her the truth. She tells him that she stole the picture from Darren — to avoid him being on the end of a Fester beating — and asks how he knows her mother? And how he could possibly be holding her at 10-months-old, when she didn’t go to live with him until she was 3-years-old?

Fester finally ‘fesses up.

Uncle Fester: She was a barmaid at my local. I was working away from home, working on the rigs. Everyone wanted Alma Carter. When she turned her attention on me, I was lost. I’d known her a few months when one night, she knocked on my door late, crying, blood all over her blouse. They’d done a robbery, a passer-by stumbled in and her mate glassed him in the neck. He bled to death and they ran off. I should have let her go then but she told me she was pregnant with you.

So Uncle Fester is in fact Daddy Fester and unsurprisingly this piece of information doesn’t spark Frankie to run into her father’s arms asking for a pony. Instead a shiver of grim reality clouds her face.

Fester continues to tell Frankie more about the fairytale of her early life. He and Alma Carter continued their affair but Alma decided to end it when Eleanor/Frankie was 3, so Daddy Fester demanded to keep the baby. He threatening to take the bloody blouse that he had kept all these years to the police, if Alma Carter didn’t agree.

Lee: How very Monica Lewinsky of him.

He and Dead Aunt Carol — who he professes to have loved – lied about Frankie’s back story so as to protect her from her mother. The people that Frankie thought were her parents were relatives of some kind who conveniently died in a car crash, allowing Fester and Dead Aunt Carol to give baby Eleanor, Dead Baby Francesca’s name. Lovely.

Quite rightly, Frankie is not convinced that Daddy Fester is the caring type who just had her best interests at heart. She looks like she is going to be sick on her shoes and desperately talks about how her childhood could have been if her real mother was given a chance to have her. To really stick the knife in, and with water in his eyes, her daddy tells her that Alma was a mistake and so was she.

Fester: Oh don’t go getting all sentimental. She could have kept you. She had a choice and in the end, she chose to save her own skin.

Lee: I have to say that this revelation is all a little confusing. I’m only clear that Fester was actually having an affair with Alma Carter behind Dead Aunt Carol’s back because we’ve just re-watched this scene three times.

Sarah: It is a little clumsy but what a torrid bombshell for Frankie. Her father? Oh no.

Her mental disorientation leads Frankie to meander through Glasgow’s streets like a drunk clinging onto walls. Cat waits for Frankie till the café closes, then leaves pissed off that she has seemingly been let down once again. Frankie desperately tries to call, but Cat, feeling aggrieved, doesn’t pick up and walks home.

Frankie goes to Cat’s flat, disrupting DS Murray who is in the throes of domestic bliss.

She answers the door to Frankie, who is verbally all over the shop and asks after Cat’s whereabouts. The DS tells her she thought she was due to meet her. Frankie admits to being late and goes to leave because this police officer is not being helpful.

With a look that says, “I could rip your face off,” the DS again asks why Frankie wants Cat, but this time she means it in the sense that Frankie wants Cat in a sexy way.

DS Murray: Cat’s happy, we’re happy. [blustering a little] If you think you can make her as happy as I can, then go ahead mess, it up for us. But personally, I think she deserves better than a total f–k up, don’t you?

Frankie leaves saying nothing, because after the day she’s had, there’s little fight left in her and DS Murray shuts the door on a job well done — breaking her nemesis as if she were a suspect in the nick.

Frankie is in Rubies and in stark contrast to the upbeat tempo of the music, she looks emotionally battered. Jay meets her and holds her while she pours out tears of pain onto his shoulder.

With a black bin bag in her hand tiding up her flat, Tess gets a call telling her she got the part. She dances with glee and then her doorbell goes. Her wannabe lady friend is there asking for a parcel that she believes was left with Tess. Tess plays dumb because, embarrassingly, she has opened it and rooted around inside. But the electrician spies the package in Tess’ flat and Tess spurts off to get it.

Eye Candy: You’ve opened it?

Tess spins a line about her cousin staying, his peculiar ways and the fact he’s taken out the handy-woman’s tool from its box.

Eye Candy is in no mood to complain as she tells Tess this is the least of her concerns. She has a long, lonely night ahead doing the work of two electricians. Tess catches this bone and offers to come with her and Eye Candy accepts.

Sarah: This is really quite odd because if someone says, “Oh I’ve got a pig of day ahead doing my job which is a specialised skill on my lonesome,” and a near on random person replies: “You know what? I’ll come with you even though I have no relevant skills,” you would not say, “Yes please, what a brilliant plan.”

Lee: No, you would say, “What the devil are you talking about — back off over-eager one.”

However our thoughts on this matter are irrelevant and we just want Tess to be happy. So here she is, running through an empty building with her Eye Candy, having the time of her life. She holds a light for Eye Candy whilst she fixes something or another both grinning at each other. Eye Candy tells Tell she originally studied jewellery making and gives her a bracelet she made. Tess is cock-a-hoop. With this offering, a certain frisson is stirring between the pair. However, this is interrupted by Tess’ phone blaring out a Right Said Fred ringtone.

Tess tells Eye Candy about being chosen for the lead role and she offers her some booze she has on hand to celebrate.

Jay dashes across the street to Cat, who is walking home. She is very angered at him for his Jaygermeister ways, but he calls her out on being a hypocrite because she had an affair with Frankie too.

Cat: That was once, I had one affair. It’s a miracle you can get to the corner shop without shagging someone.

Jay: Don’t f–king exaggerate, I’ve only slept with Frankie.

Jay tells Cat that Frankie’s state of mental unrest over Daddy Fester is the reason she didn’t meet her at the café and that she is flying back to New York that night. He hands her a parcel that Frankie wanted her to have. This is all under the watchful eye of the DS who is lingering by her window above.

Frankie books a flight to JFK that night.

DS Murray – somewhat walking on eggshells – tells Cat that they’re expected to meet her friends in 20 minutes. Avoiding questions being thrown at her, Cat heads to the toilets to get ready but in reality opens Frankie’s parcel.

She has been given the bit of blackboard wood that has Cat and Frankie’s initials carved into it from their schooldays — heaven knows how she ripped that off – with a note that simply says: “Some things shouldn’t be destroyed.” Cat looks heartbroken and runs her fingers over the letters.

The DS is waiting in anxious anticipation; sensing things are not going to go to plan. Cat comes out lying about Ed being in a state about Tess, and says she must go to him at once. She doesn’t give her lady any eye-contact, but the DS just accepts this tale.

Sarah: That is the first basic sign of how to spot a liar. What’s the DS playing at? She can normally smell a rat at 50 paces.

Lee: Hand shake to Heather Peace for really making the DS’s transformation from in-control woman who takes no shit, to vulnerable, slightly needy woman who knows her partner is not fully present. Completely believable, relatable and a little bit painful.

DS Murray: Okay don’t be long, I love you, I can’t wait to show you off.

Lee: I’ve made my decision; I don’t want Cat to leave the wondrous DS for a woman that thinks a block of wood shows commitment.

Sarah: I’m not committing myself to a team but I do want to see what a Cat and Frankie sexy moment will be like.

Cat leaves but whilst on route, she hesitates and literally stands at a crossroads, pondering which women to go to. Ooh the suspense of it all. With steely determination, Cat walks to Frankie’s door, only to find her frantically packing the five items of clothing she has worn all series.

Cat: Are you really going to leave?

Standing outside drinking beer in the snow, Eye Candy chivalrously offers Tess her coat.

Eye Candy: I’m curious, were your electrics really out the other day?

Tess: Oh yeah, sorry about that — that was really weird.

Eye Candy: I was hoping that after you’d been checking me out from your window all this time, you might have wanted to ask me out.

Eye Candy goes in for a lip smacker and Tess happily obliges; she finally has her woman.

On her sofa, Frankie talks to Cat about finding out about Daddy Fester. Cat reminds her that her mother may well be delighted to have her in her life, so she should consider visiting her. Frankie tells her that if she is going to make her flight she must leave now.

Cat: What are you going to do then?

Frankie: I’m going to stay, see her.

Sarah: Well that didn’t take much persuading.

Frankie: Did you get my present?

Cat: Yes, how did you get it?

Lee: That’s what I was wondering.

Frankie: It wasn’t easy.

They smile at each other, content in the knowledge that they will continue to be in each other’s lives but it feels bittersweet; they’re not together and the chemistry is now rife.

Frankie tells Cat that she never felt worthy of Cat’s affections and that’s why she left. With tears streaming, she tells Cat that she has always loved her. And then they are kissing. Oh my days, they are kissing — a gentle, loving kiss.

This leads to gentle, heartfelt love-making of the kind that we have never seen Frankie partake in — the absolute antithesis of Sadie’s wham bam.

There is hand holding, tender stroking, orgasmic grappling and passionate exchanges of intense smiles and all finished off with a tear streaming down Frankie’s cheek.

Sarah: I can’t help it. I’m glad they “did it.”

Lee: That was one explicit sex scene. I’m not complaining. I just can’t believe how much I just witnessed.

S Murray calls Cat from the boozer and can’t reach her because she is sexing Frankie. She looks worried and rightly so, but tries to convince herself that her not answering is due to her being with Ed.

Frankie spoons Cat post-sexual happenings but with a painful swallow, Cat tells her that she needs to go. Frankie doesn’t want to let her go but Cat gets up.

Frankie: Do you love her?

Without turning to look into her eyes, Cat nods.

Frankie: Do you still love me?

Turning and smiling at her, she nods again.

Jay goes to find Becky at her workplace and tells her he has been busy finding houses they can lay a mortgage down on. But she knows that his heart is not into the whole idea of commitment and he can’t really promise her otherwise.

Lee: It looks like it will just be you and your hand for some time then, Jagermeister.

Cat walks into the boozer with “I’m guilty officer, I have been up to no good” etched all over face. Fortunately for Cat, the DS is just overjoyed to see her. And either she isn’t a very good detective or she simply lies deeper to herself, but she spins Cat round and introduces her to everyone.

Sarah: Surely someone should be able to smell…

Lee: Yes they should.

Tess wakes up in Eye Candy’s flat with a broad smile all over her face. The DS wakes her Pussy Cat up with breakfast and chat of putting up shelves — ah domestic bliss.

Frankie calls her new brother and arranges to visit her new mother. Alma Carter has done okay for herself over the years, because she now lives in a lovely West End townhouse. Frankie knocks on her door nervously and a handsome woman opens it. Frankie smiles. Mama smiles.

That’s the end, lesbians. Can you Eve and Eve it?

Thank you all very much for all of your lovely messages, insight and funny banter on the recaps and the “Lip Servant” interviews over the last few weeks. It has been mighty fun and we know that the team at Kudos, the BBC, and the cast has enjoyed it, too, and are grateful for your support.

If you want to own Series One, the DVD is out now on Universal Playback – available from Amazon and HMV. And if you fancy experiencing a bit of Lip Service for yourself, take a look at www.lovescotland.com for special Valentine’s Day-themed Lip Service breaks.

Let’s all DEMAND a Series Two and we can do it all over again. Until then, tell us what you thought of Lip Service, Series One.

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