Three minutes in and we get a tit shot. This, coupled with the fact that there still has been no mention of artificial insemination, tells us that Lip Service is definitely going to be our kind of show.
When Frankie gets home to her big, arty New York loft, she has an answer machine message from dead Aunt Carol.
Sarah: Are we watching Doctor Who? Isn’t Auntie Carol dead?
Lee: Maybe it’s a different Carol
But it is indeed a message from dead Aunt Carol, from when she was still alive aunt Carol, asking Frankie to come home because there’s something she needs to tell her.
We see an aeroplane take off and next thing we know, Frankie is walking through Glasgow airport looking really pretty amazeballs wearing Debbie Harry’s Vultures T-shirt, massive shades and earphones. As she walks she’s eyed up by an airhostess – which we roll our eyes at because we don’t need a big banner telling us she’s sexy because we can see it with our own eyes. She waits for her lift outside and lights up in the no-smoking area.
Jay — a good looking guy with a swagger matching Frankie’s — arrives to pick her up: "Hello gorgeous, how much?"
And so Lip Service begins.
For anyone wondering about the show’s similarity to The L Word — let the title sequence be the clue. Instead of sunshine and palm trees, we’ve got motorways, high rises and a shot of the Nirvana Piercing studio where Lee got her first Tattoo in 2001. Unfortunately though, the theme tune has also been done by Betty.
A little joke — clean the vomit from your eyes and let’s get on with it.
As Jay drives Frankie home, we find out a few things; Jay is a womanizer, Frankie hasn’t spoken to dead Aunt Carol in 10 years, Jay works with Cat, Frankie’s ex-girlfriend who she hasn’t seen in two years, and this is why he is dropping Frankie at his flat and not having lunch with her.
Frankie: I suppose she’s still angry with me
Jay: She doesn’t talk about you much these days.
Hmm we also detect a little frisson between Frankie and Jay but we’ll ignore it and hope it goes away. We find that’s the best way to deal with unsavoury things in life.
Cue Cat in the second vest top of the episode, which shows off her lesbian branding/tattoo nicely. She is on Gaydargirls (a UK lesbian dating site) arranging a date with someone called Sam_glas01
Sarah: That’s a rubbish username. If I was on a dating site I would have a far more creative name for myself.
Lee: That’s good to know, sweetheart.
Tess comes in wearing the third vest top of the episode with a print out of a Facebook picture. She’s upset that her ex is using a sexy photo that Tess took of her as her profile picture. She rips it up and throws it in Cat’s laundry bin and we see the first sign of Cat’s anal retentiveness as she watches the pieces of paper fall amidst her dirty pants and socks in abject horror at the thought of them actually going into the machine together.
She gets over it and tells Tess that the cop has asked her out tonight but maybe she should make it another night so she can be better prepared.
Tess: It’s a date Cat, not the Miss Gay UK pageant – and Frankie was two years ago.
Cat: I haven’t got that tea stain out of the carpet.
Tess: You need to move on, you’re going tonight.
So Cat is going on her first date in two years on the very night that Frankie has returned. What are the chances of that? It’s as if someone is writing this.