Frankie is absolutely wrecked on her cocktail of booze and drugs and clambers
onto the roof of the house until she is literally a woman on the edge
looking down at cars and people going by. As the intensity of her
precarious position builds, she is snapped out of it by the Artful
Dodgeress’ shout of cockney confusion.
Sadie: Frankie, what the f**k are you doing?
is drinking beer, straight from the bottle – as lesbians do – clearly
half-cut and doing absolutely spot-on impersonations of Judy at lunch.
Ed: Do you know what my mum also said; she said we’d make a really attractive couple.
Tess: Urgh, mental!
doorbell buzzes loudly representing the sound that Ed’s little heart
just made as Tess unknowingly zapped it with blatant rejection.
The Jaygermister enters the flat with a plastic bag of booze, a song in his heart, and a party at his feet.
and Sadie are having a bath together, looking like a Dazed &
Confused photoshoot when Frankie suddenly asks Sadie to ‘Shave’.
Initially a bit perturbed by the request, Sadie then moves onto the side of the bath and begins to shave her pubic hair.
Frankie should have been a bit more specific when she said ‘Shave’
because Sadie could easily have just started razoring off the hair on
Lee: Ha or her eyebrows. I wish she had just started shaving her eyebrows.
shaving feels slightly odd and uncomfortable to watch until Frankie
whips out her camera and begins to photograph Sadie doing it with all
the aplomb of artist and muse and suddenly it becomes art and looks a
little bit beautiful. They are both aroused and become very passionate
together until they hear a knock on the bathroom door.
Elderly voice: Hello? Josephine is that you, it’s me Lainie. I’m here to feed your fish.
Sadie is finding the interruption very amusing but Frankie is eyes-wide with her hand over Sadie’s mouth to stop her laughing.
they stand like two naughty school girls as they are questioned by a
police officer about their presence in the flat. The elderly woman tells
the policeman that they must have broken in and the policeman believes
her because they do look like two f**kwits that have just been washed up
onto the banks of the River Clyde. Plus Sadie’s druggie gurning and
helpful assertion that ‘Josephine is a bit of a screamer in the bedroom’
doesn’t help much.
The police officer is about
to take them down the Nick but a thread of panic spreads across
Frankie’s face and she tells him to call DS Murray.
Jay and Ed
are pouring lots of booze and Tess sneaks off to peer into the flat
opposite again. She’s in luck because the woman is home, but this luck
runs out when Tess’ new would-be fancy woman just draws her curtains.
Ed: What are you looking at?
Tess: Nothing – just another missed opportunity.
She collapses onto the sofa and heightens her mission to get extremely drunk.