Great LezBritain: “Lip Service” Recap (Episode Five)

Cat phones Ed to find out Tess’ whereabouts. He’s waiting in the boozer for her to show up, but just then he spots her wandering by, trying to blend into the shadows wearing dark shades and a hood. He chases after her.

Ed: Who are you supposed to be? Jackie Onassis on an ASBO? What happened to you?

Tess: [removing her disguise to reveal a blotchy red face] Botox – it was a birthday treat but I had a reaction.

Ed tries to comfort Tess but she is feeling entirely wretched by her bruised face, Chloe’s engagement, Lou’s rejection, turning 30, crap jobs and the rest of the knocks she’s had to endure of late.

Tess: I’m sorry. I can’t even cry properly.

Tess admits to lying about having auditions because she was worried that Ed was on a fast track to achievement and wouldn’t want to still drink tea with her. Any remnants of Tess’ normal bubble of fun bursts and her tears are heart-wrenching to watch. Fiona Button is a brilliant actress.

Ed: Tess you’re not a loser. Tess you’re amazing, you’re beautiful, you’re kind, you’re talented, you don’t even realise how funny you are on accident or on purpose, and if the rest of the world can’t see that then they’re idiots. But I can and I’ll never leave you because I love you.

Tess: Oh, I love you, too.

Sarah & Lee: Oh my days, here it comes….

Ed: No, I love you like a man loves a woman.

This little bombshell has just about topped Tess’ day off. She looks at him like she has just seen him for the first time, is beyond disappointed and then runs away, fearful of his imposing man-love.

Ed immediately knows that he has quite royally f–ked things up by trying to get together with his lesbian best friend. Ed has just realised what we all knew – and some writers should know – lesbians don’t have sex with men. Bisexual women, like Frankie, do sometimes. But lesbians don’t. Therein endeth the Lip Service lesson.

Lee: That’s not to say that I don’t feel for Ed and his little head.

Sarah: Me, too. He’s not the first fella to fall for his lesbi-friend.

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