This week’s episode of Gossip Girl, "Woman on the Verge," had me on the verge, as well – on the verge of slapping Dan upside his head and kicking Georgina’s behind all the way back to the gates of Hell from which she apparently escaped.
Serena’s "I killed someone" revelation last week left us eagerly awaiting the who, the why, the how, and surprisingly, it was all answered. Not surprisingly it was a tad anticlimactic. Isn’t that the case sometimes in life—the anticipation is more fun than the reality?
The episode starts the day after Serena tells Blair her secret and Serena is nowhere to be found. Georgina calls her a trillion times (getting angrier with each new voice mail), Dan calls her (sounding more desperate with each new attempt), and Serena’s mother (Lily) is annoyed because she’s waiting for Serena to get home and be helpful as it’s the day of her wedding rehearsal dinner. (Recap: she’s marrying Bart Bass, Chuck’s father, even though she still has feelings for Dan’s father Rufus. It’s all so complicated.)
Blair asks her two exes, Chuck and Nate, (who now hate each other) to meet at her place and she arrives home with a horribly hung-over Serena. Blair’s housekeeper secretly calls Serena’s mother to tell her that Serena seems to have fallen off the Good Girl wagon and has been run over by it.
Dan arrives at Blair’s and, when confronted for the umpteenth time about why she’s being weird, Serena tells Dan that she slept with some guy the night before because lying about that is better than telling the truth about being a murderer. (She has a point.)
Heartbroken Dan announces that he’s "done" and walks away from Serena as their friends look on. I mourned the loss of their relationship for 4.3 seconds and then wondered when Serena would begin mulling over Blair’s "I love you," from the night before. Fine, Serena had other things on her mind but she’ll get around to mulling, I just know it!
Dan, feeling all rejected, agrees to meet "Sara" (AKA Georgina’s alter-ego) for some quality crying on the shoulder time. Poor Dan is getting played like a nickel slot machine at a Vegas mini-mart. An all day sucker, that Dan.
All photos by Patrick Harbron/The CW
After Dan leaves, Serena finally opens up about the details of the secret. We have been lead to believe that Serena left town because she couldn’t deal with the guilt of having slept with her BFF’s boyfriend, but we learn that the night drunken Serena had sex with Nate , she met up with Georgina afterward to get even drunker and more drugged out of guilt.
Georgina wanted a Serena sex tape and planted a camera in a hotel room where she and some guy named Peter were hanging out and getting ready to party the night away. But Serena spent most of her time wearing the buzzkill crown processing the lousy thing she had just done to her best friend.
Peter got bored with Serena’s guilt chatter and wanted the good times to roll. Georgina left them alone in the bedroom but Serena really didn’t feel like rolling and suggested that they both do a few more lines of coke as foreplay. The guy did a line and started convulsing in a way that would indicate that the party was over.
Serena tried to call 911 but Georgina stopped her and reminded her that drugs were in the room and that they’d get in trouble. Serena still managed to call 911 on the guys own cell phone and then she waited across the street to see if the paramedics helped him. The guy was brought out of the hotel on a gurney dead and Serena left that night, not to return until the pilot episode, where it all began for us. Serena tells the others not to say a word to anyone, which means that, of course, they will.
Serena goes to the rehearsal dinner holding hands with Blair and learns that her mother had watched part of the sex tape because her mother was snooping around Serena’s room and found it. Lily rips into Serena about her disappointment that Serena’s back on drugs and carousing, and threatens to send her away.
Blair tells Lily that there’s more to the sex tape story then meets the eye, which is exactly what any parent would want for their kids — something worse than a sex tape. Ultimately, Lily leaves her rehearsal dinner and takes Serena to Peter’s parent’s house and the parents do not hold Serena responsible because they knew that their son had a major drug problem and that they tried for years to help him. Just like that, Serena is absolved and not a murderer! (I love when life is all neat and tidy.)
Meanwhile, Lincoln Hawk, Dan’s father’s rock band of yesteryear, is performing in a reunion concert and Nate was meeting up with Vanessa (Dan’s best friend) at the show. Nate tells Vanessa that Sara is really Georgina and not to trust her. Vanessa then confronts Georgina and also tells Dan that Georgina is lying about her name but Dan believes Georgina’s story about changing her name due to a crazed stalker ex-boyfriend. For a bright guy, Dan is a dolt.
Now free from the tyranny of guilt, Serena rushes to the club to mend fences with Dan only to discover that he’s not there but with Georgina and that Georgina plans to have her way with him and his wounded heart that evening. Well, at least Rufus and Lily make out so the trip out to Queens was not a complete bust for the Van der Woodsen women.
When will the madness end? Oh, right, next week with the finale. Any ideas on what might happen with Serena and Dan?