Now that you know my deepest,
darkest, most embarrassing
bad movie weaknesses,
how about we flip the equation? The cinematic canon is filled with
“good movies” that for whatever reason I really can’t stand.
While everyone else is raving, I’m left scratching my head. Be they
Oscar contenders or box office champs, I’d still rather have my TV
stuck on C-SPAN for a week than watch these again start to finish. Here’s a
look at some of my least favorite films through the years.
A Clockwork Orange
(1971) — As iconic as this film is, it freaked the bejesus out of me.
Should a movie be so disturbing you need therapy afterward?
— This movie got nominated for an Oscar. And people called Marisa
Tomei a fluke.
Life Is Beautiful
(1997) — How do you say treacle in Italian? Am I the only person on
the planet who does not find Roberto Benigni
charming? When he walked across everyone’s chairs at the Oscars, I
kept thinking, “Someone get the tranquilizer gun!”
There’s Something About
Mary (1998) — God, this movie annoyed me. This whole genre of
humor annoys me. When did having the same sensibilities as a 14-year-old
boy become comedy genius? P.S. Ben Stiller annoys me, too.
(2005) — Scarlett Johansson
getting rubbed down with body oil = good.
Jonathan Rhys Meyers getting away with murder = bad. Woody Allen
getting lazy and recycling Crimes and Misdemeanors
(1982) — Look, I appreciate every inch of groundbreaking this film did
for us back in the day. I applaud the earnest representations, and I am
grateful for the serious way in which everyone involved approached the
subject. But that doesn’t mean I want to watch the movie again. Ever.
I don’t care how cute Mariel Hemingway
looks in her running shorts.
So, what critically acclaimed
films make your nose wrinkle? What good movies are on your bad list?
Spare no one’s feelings. We’re all grown ups here. Well, except
the Farrelly Brothers.