At Sam’s audition, he keeps snapping a rubber band around his wrist. When another model asks about it, Sam explains it’s to help keep the boners away. There are a lot of beautiful models milling about and Sam is trying to keep it all down. Another beautiful woman named Charlie Darling struts in and announces that she’s the photographer. She’s kind of like a female Terry Richardson. She wants heat! She wants someone to turn her on dammit. How very Showgirls. And so begins the shoot. Suddenly Sam and the cast are transported to the Eighties guided by Duran Duran’s “Girls on Film. There is a lot of writhing, and crawling on ladders. The song ends with Charlie literally on top of Sam, asking his name (Pollyanna?) and telling him he’s got the job.
When Mercedes walks in to the Hummelberry loft, she’s greeted with an intervention from Kurt, Rachel and Brittany. Sam receives the same at his apartment from Blaine and Artie. Everyone tries to convince the couple that they should break up, but Sam and Mercedes are resolute in their commitment. Well, until Rachel tells Mercedes that sometimes the best way to stay together is to be apart. That part gets to Mercedes.
More wacky Mary shenanigans! While spending time with Artie, she stuffs a donut in her bra and awkwardly flirts with him. Blaine finds her insufferable as she types away from underneath a table. Brittany however, may have found a kindred spirit. Mary is the kind of girl who has mice in her pockets and a kitty in her pants, and that is A-ok with Britt.
In Rachel’s dressing room, Kurt tries to convince her that Mary may be a bit shy of a full deck, and brings up her abandoning Funny Girl for a potential career-ruining disaster. She shushes him, telling him it’s all under control. When Rachel gets the actual script, and the gang sits down for a read through, she finds out how very right he is. The script is like an episode of Girls being retold by two thirteen-year-old girls over Twitter. Kurt is dressed as a T-Rex, while Rachel sits in a tub eating cake (an homage to Hanna’s naked cupcakes) bitching about her “stupid gay NASA dads.” Another scene, which was certain to forever bond the Klaine/Brittana fandom in horror, was watching Blaine and Brittany wake up naked together. Despite the fact that Blaine is gay and Brit is “mostly lesbian” (Sigh. Why with the bi-erasure?) they decide to be together and open an art gallery before engaging in more sexytimes. I’d muster up something to say about it, if I weren’t so damn exhausted by the whole thing.