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“Glee” recap (5.19): Puppy Love

It’s a certain kind of sadness to realize you are lonely while surrounded by people. It’s a thing that happens to every New Yorker at some point, and today, it’s Kurt’s turn. The gang is all out for brunch, and he wants someone to hang out with, but all of his friends have people to be and places to do…or something. Kurt has little time to wallow however, because in rushes Rachel Berry, having a new emergency. They all turn their focus to Rachel because they are contractually obligated to care. There’s a blind item in the paper about an up and coming actress who is managing to burn bridges wherever she goes. Rachel knows if she’s branded a problem this early on, she’ll never really have the career she wants. Santana assures her that if Angelina Jolie can completely change her image, than so can Rachel Berry. She simply needs to find the right cause. As fate would have it, an encounter with a woman and her lap dog at the restaurant convinces Rachel that her philanthropic focus should saving the animals! All of them. Except ferrets-those guys are shifty. I once made eye contact with a ferret at PetCo and I went out to my car, and there were tiny scratches on the side of my car door. Coincidence? Hmmm.

At the diner, Kurt is working his shift when a little old lady (played by the wonderful June Squibb) comes in to drop off flyers from her retirement home’s production of Peter Pan. A bold choice. The woman, Maggie, calls Kurt “Doughboy” which is a step above Porcelain apparently, and asks what seems to be troubling him. He pours his heart out and she invites him to stop by and watch one of their rehearsals.

Rachel, Mercedes, Sam and Artie all head to the dog pound where Rachel dazzles the staff with her idea for a benefit concert. A dog catches Sam’s eye, and before Mercedes can say, “Hell to the no,” his heart is melted. Speaking of melting, Sam whips out his guitar and starts playing “Melt With You” by Modern English. Surely the mesh an lace he refers to will be found in the embarrassing outfits the adopted dogs will one day be wearing during their evening strolls on the Upper West Side. The arrangement is terrific and seeing Sam roll around in a dog pen is pretty adorable.

Rachel comes up with a name for the benefit: Broadway Bitches. (Wait until Bernadette Peters finds out about this!) Santana, who is being incredibly helpful, comes up with a plan to generate buzz. Rachel will go out and walk a pack of dogs, while the paparazzi snap away. When Kurt coms home, Rachel tells him about the show, and his eyes light up. He asks to be a part of it, and she has the audacity to say no. Rachel swears it’s not personal, but Kurt walks away to lick his wounds nonetheless.

Aimless and frustrated, Kurt shows up at the retirement home just in time to see the show’s original Peter Pan meet her demise. The retirement home is chock full of guest stars like Billy Dee Williams and Tim Conway, and Maggie is their Queen Bee. Kurt volunteers to play Peter Pan, but since the role is written vocally for a woman, they make him audition. Don’t worry, he’s got this. He never leaves home without his sheet music. You never know when you might stumble upon an American Idol or cruise ship audition. He blows them away with “Memory” from Cats. You could almost see the giant tire descend from the ceiling. In hindsight, singing a song about approaching end of your life, is probably a poor choice for a retirement home. Maggie and the other residents join in, and Kurt snags the part.

Sam gets a dog after all, and names the mutt McConaughey. Unfortunately, he neglects to tell Mercedes about it and she comes home to find the house a mess and a ball of fluff sitting in her living room. Artie, who is there playing video games, blames Sarah McLachlan. Don’t we all? I have a mild panic attack now anytime I hear “Angel.” Mercedes slips into a motherly role a little too easily, chastising Sam for bringing the dog home and insinuating he wouldn’t be able to care for him. After some protestations, she agrees to a trial run. That is until McConaughey eats her high heels and hair extensions. She insists that the pup get the boot.

Just like Santana masterminded, Rachel is posed with a pack of dogs for a “leisurely” stroll. Blaine and Artie act as plants and stir up the paparazzi. All is going swimmingly until the dogs spy a delicious sandwich down the block and take off after it, with Rachel in tow. She goes ass over teakettle and is dragged down the street.

It was a disaster, but the kind of disaster that gets press. Santana is pleased and everyone was wearing their underwear so, it’s all good. Santana is kind of fantastic at this. Kurt comes in all excited about Peter Pan, but the girls don’t share his enthusiasm. He invites them to the shown but since it’s on the same day as Broadway Bitches, they decline. Kurt has had just about enough and reminds Rachel that he has saved her ass on more than one occasion. He calls her out for being selfish and storms off. They won’t have Kurt Hummel to kick around anymore.

Sam is desperate to keep McConaughey, so he and Artie go on a covert training mission to rehabilitate his bad behaviors. They sing Warron Zevon‘s “Werewolves of London” at the dog park. Somehow it ends up being sweet and bromantic, and Artie gets a chance to wail. There is something about watching two men wash a dog that kind of turns a person’s heart to jelly.

At the retirement home, rehearsals aren’t going so well so Kurt wants to pull a New Directions and add in new numbers at the last minute. Maggie gets pulled away to receive flowers from her daughter, who will be unable to attend the show. When Kurt tells a nurse how sweet it is, the nurse tells him that it’s all a lie. Maggie is estranged from her daughter and sends herself the flowers to save face.

Mercedes comes home to find a clean apartment, and Sam cuddling McConaughey. They have a heart to heart that is less about the dog and more about the stresses of the big city and their relationship. Sam admits that he was hurt and insulted when Mercedes assumed he couldn’t take care of a dog. Not too long ago, Sam was Magic Mike-ing in order to take care of his entire family. He may be forgetful and careless at times, but he’s a man of integrity, not some silly boy. She gets what he’s saying, but it doesn’t change the fact that their lives are not conducive to having a dog. Sam will have to find a new home for McConaughey.

In a move that surprises no one, Kurt shows up at Maggie’s daughter’s office. When Clara, the daughter, finds out that he lied to get an appointment, she calls security. Kurt manages to tell her about Maggie’s show and invite her to the performance. Clara tells Kurt that her mother wasn’t always the sweet old lady she is now. As a mother, she was selfish and at times neglectful. Kurt tries to spin it, talking about dreams and regret, but Clara just walks over to the door and shows him the way out. He mentions his own mother, how she died when he was only eight. “Yours is still here” he says before he leaves. “You could heal it.”

The Broadway Bitches adoptathon turns out to be a huge success. Santana finds a three-legged dog for Rachel to pose with. Is this a metaphor about Glee? When a potential adoptee wants to take the little guy home, Rachel has a full on diva fit that she might ruin her photo op. The woman calls Rachel a fraud and walks away. Rachel is a bit shaken, but Santana tells her not to let anyone wearing cross trainers talk shit to her.

Backstage, Kurt is looking like the most perfect Peter to ever Pan. Blaine is there, and has to remind all of us that he’s missing out on lunch with Annie Liebovitz and June. (Poor form, Anderson.) He kisses Kurt on the cheek and tells him to break a leg. Kurt walks up to Maggie and asks if she’d like to join his special little framily, and she is touched. Feeling good and charitable, Kurt calls Rachel to wish her luck at her own show. He tells her that he’s proud of her, and she surprises him by appearing in the crowd with the rest of the gang. In place of “I’m Flying,” Kurt’s Peter performs Madonna’s “Lucky Star.” The rest of the cast dons sunglasses and sings along as Kurt flies about the stage, twisting, and spinning his heart out. I’m a bit of a Peter Pan purist, but the tie in to the second star on the right and the feeling of the original is charming. During the number, Maggie’s daughter shows up, bearing a bouquet of flowers for her mother.

The whole gang gives Kurt their congratulations for a job well done. Rachel also has a surprise up her sleeve and busses all the seniors to the Broadway Bitches benefit to perform alongside her. Emma and Clara sit down and begin to make amends.

At the diner, where the benefit is being held, the whole ensemble performs “Take Me Home Tonight” by Eddie Money to a crowd of dog lovers and Broadway enthusiasts. There is lots of puppy cuddling and health code violations. (They are so going to get a “C” Grade) Sam, a little brokenheartedly, hands McConaughey over to a kind, older couple who can give him a good home. Just as Rachel hoped, a reporter has shown up to film the event, which she thinks is downright inspiring. Rachel thanks Santana, now of the firm, Santana Lopez Public Relations, and Kurt for their part in it’s success. Group hug!!

This episode was written by Chris Colfer who manages to squeeze a lot of heart (and a dose of schmaltz) into every scene. It was a nice break from the standard fare, and good to see Colfer get a chance to shine behind the camera as well. He also blessedly gave us closure to the Dani storyline which no one had bothered to do before. She’s off, training to be a roller derby marauder. I’d like to think her derby name is Auntie Maim, or Cryin’ Schmurphy. Next week is the finale of an arguably very difficult season which swung wildly from plot to plot, trying to get its footing again. Losing Cory Monteith not only meant losing a major player on Glee, but a piece of its spirit as well. The finale looks to be a tough one for Klaine shippers, so have your tequila shots and tissues ready. There won’t be any Santana, but we do get to see our darling Brittany. We can only hope that the scene with a naked Blaine and Brittana in bed is some sort of kooky dream sequence. And by kooky, I mean horrible.

A huge thank you to my screencapper Chen Drachman who you should totally follow on Twitter @shokoshik

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