At the event, Blaine is feeling a little overwhelmed. It’s crawling with famous folks, all of who seem to be friends with June. June tells Blaine that the key to her fabulosity is that her friends are fabulous. She wants to be friends with Blaine and let some of that rub off on him. Randomly, Eric Roberts shows up to show June the dismal charitable donations collected, so she takes the stage to kick the crowd’s collective ass. She asks Blaine to join her and they sing Janis Joplin’s “Piece of My Heart” together. MacLaine still has it, and they have a grand time getting donations and giving unexpected lap dances. Sounds like my kind of Tuesday night.
Mercedes, Santana and D’Shon get together to discuss the album. Mercedes wants Santana to duet with her on a number but D’Shon isn’t feeling it. Santana is an unknown. A talented unknown, but she doesn’t have the cache to boost Mercedes’ record sales. Mercedes isn’t trying to hear that, because she thinks she and Santana can be the next Macklemore and Ryan Lewis. Santana, sensing Mercedes losing ground in the discussion, decides to back off and agree with D’Shon. “I’m not worth it,” she says, to which the entire Gayshark community cries back, “You are the only thing keeping our tender hearts afloat!”
Rachel, being Rachel, calls in “sick” to Funny Girl. Sidney freaks out, but Rachel has a capable understudy. What could possibly go wrong? At her big audition, Rachel inexplicably sings The Rose. The auditioners are confused and a little bit bored. (Great cameo by the terrific Geri Jewell, of Facts of Life fame!) Lee had neglected to mention that she was actually auditioning for a sci-fi version knock off of Grey’s Anatomy. Having never seen the script, she has to wing it with the already cast leading man. It’s terrible. Rachel is not unlike one of the space doctors, shot from an escape pod, adrift in space. They send her away with a thank you, don’t call us, we’ll call you. Rachel knows she blew the audition and looks down at her phone to see that Sidney has called her fifteen times. You see, Rachel’s understudy has taken a “spill” a la Cristal Conners in Showgirls. Rachel has to go on tonight. She launches into full on panic mood.
At brunch, Blaine and June talk about the big picture of life. June tells Blaine that what you put out into the universe comes back to you, which is why she wants to put on a special industry showcase for Blaine. Blaine is thrilled and asks if Kurt can be involved. June gives him a hard no. In fact, she advises him to call off the engagement. She asks him why he would settle if he can have the world on a string. BECAUSE LOVE, LADY! Love. Jesus, Charity would have understood that.
Stuck in a typical LA traffic jam, Rachel is going to miss her flight. She calls Kurt for guidance. With eyes as big as a Precious Moments figurine, he assesses the situation. He tells her to tell Sidney the truth, but she begs for his help instead.
At the diner, Mercedes shows up with a contract for Santana to sign. She doesn’t care what D’Shon thinks, because she knows that she and Santana can be something special together. Santana is surprised but grateful, and talks about her new turning of the leaves, as it were. Kurt runs in, looking for them. Rachel needs help and there is only one person that can save her ass. Santana steps in to play Fanny for one night only.
When Rachel comes home she makes a dinner to thank Santana for her help. Rachel isn’t sure if she will still have a job after the stunt she pulled, but she appreciates Santana’s help nonetheless. When she asks Santana what she wants in return, Santana informs her that she isn’t in the payback business anymore. She shall forever use her bitch powers for good instead of evil. (Well until the next episode when the writers will forget this conversation happened…if there is another Santana episode. Somebody hold me.) Rachel caught the second act and genuinely compliments Santana’s performance.
At Blaine’s, Kurt is excited to finally see his fellow. June has been taking up most of Blaine’s time and Kurt wants to know how the hell his fiancé is, and if he has any juicy celeb gossip. Blaine comes partially clean about the showcase, telling Kurt that they are fleshing his part out as they speak. Kurt is so touched and excited at that moment, that I’d hate to be Blaine when he has to explain the real story.
Rachel shows up to Sidney’s office to face the music, Sidney is not only pissed, but disappointed in Rachel. He wanted to fire her, but she’s got the star power they need to get asses in the seats. “You aren’t a Broadway legend,” he reminds her before kicking her out of his office and threatening to sue if she pulls any nonsense again. She leaves and bursts into tears, but just then her phone rings. It’s Lee from LA telling her she didn’t get the part, but he’s got even better news. He wants to offer her a development deal, and create a show around her.
Glee has always loved to dabble in the meta, but this week’s episode was like falling out of the meta tree, and hitting every branch on the way down. It all feels a little too close to home, and not in a cheeky or fun way. With rumors swirling about Naya Rivera possibly being written out of the finale, it felt as if a dark cloud hovered over the episode. Characters have become wildly inconsistent, storylines have little to no follow through. It’s enough to make a fan crazy, and a casual viewer simply change the channel. I’m not quite sure when Glee started going so far off the rails (yes, I do, Cheerios on the floor episode) but what was once a beloved show, then a guilty pleasure, now feels like a parody of itself. It’s almost as if everyone has simply given up. If Glee was our girlfriend, she’s be wearing sweatpants out to brunch. We keep showing up for Glee, so why isn’t Glee showing up for us?
A huge thank you to my screencapper Chen Drachman who you should totally follow on Twitter (@shokoshik)