Kurt and his red pants track down Blaine, who is stewing on the couch. Blaine breaks down, and tells Kurt that he feels like he’s being left behind. The balance has shifted in their relationship and Blaine is no longer the caretaker, the protector, the star. Add that to the fact that he feels lost and adrift in New York. He was looking at the Frat Boy porn site, Blaine cries, because he feels insecure about his body, his talent, and his relationship with Kurt. Kurt refuses to apologize for thriving, but wants him and Blaine to be equals on this road together. At the heart of the matter, Blaine is worried that Kurt will stop loving him. Kurt tells him not to worry; they are endgame. Just like Brittana.
At film school, Artie runs into Julie and tries to apologize for their awful date. He confesses that he was so worked up because he had sex with Vanessa and Jess, and now has Chlamydia. Julie isn’t really upset about the Chlamydia. She’s horrified that Artie would sleep with two pretentious idiots. She also has a news flash for Artie. He’s officially Captain Creeper.
Sam calls Mercedes, who is bracing herself for a break up. He surprises her by planning a romantic evening surrounded by candles and accepted boundaries. He prayed in the bathroom, and even though sex is awesome, there are more awesome things. Like loving Mercedes. Aww Sam, you are growing up. Just don’t pull any of that Cheerios on the floor shit, ok?
Mercedes and Rachel meet up to chat again, and Mercedes gives her the skinny on Sam. Who knows, maybe Mercedes will wait until marriage, maybe not. At least she feels comfortable not being sure. Rachel decides to mention the energy exchange she shared with Sam a few episodes back. Nothing happened because in addition to Sam only having eyes for Mercedes, Rachel Berry’s heart has left the building. They have a very meta conversation about how things weren’t supposed to end this way, and now everything is up in the air. Mercedes encourages her to let someone else in one day.
At Serendipity once again, the gents gather to talk about their feelings. Blaine is on some terrible cleanse, and Artie is shoving banana splits into his “worry hole” as Kurt calls it. Artie decides to cool it with the ladies for a bit, and Sam suggests an abstinence club. He is quickly vetoed, as is Blaine’s cleanse.
Next week, the moment we’ve all been waiting for…and by we I mean Rachel Berry. It’s opening night for Funny Girl. Will it be a bust or a hit?
A huge thank you to my screencapper Chen Drachman who you should totally follow on Twitter (@shokoshik) and Tumblr.