Back in stage combat class, Kurt is worried about Blaine. He thinks Blaine is being tested by all of this newness. It’s tough to go from being the big fish in a Lima pond, to one of a thousand handsome faces swimming for a shot in NYC. Kurt doesn’t want to let his own confidence erode Blaine’s. Oh Kurt baby, that’s not how this works. I get why you think that, but you should never have to shield your own light so another person can shine. Afterwards at Blaine’s apartment, Kurt suggests a date night. Blaine is whipping up a meal that can only be described as Olive Gardenesque. Kurt suggests that instead of fettuccini and molten lava cake, they go for a salad and a movie. Blaine acquiesces, and when Kurt opens Blaine’s browser, he finds a frat themed porn site staring right back at him. Kurt is upset and wonders if this is why they haven’t had sex in a week.
Rachel finally shows up (tech week is a bitch) to give Mercedes some lady advice. Remember when Mercedes and Quinn were best friends for like, two seconds? Sometimes I swear this show cannot have two women in the same room together for more than an episode without turning into mortal enemies. You know what is more interesting than the petty machinations of girl on girl hate? Actual female friendships. They can be amazing and complex. Just saying, Glee. You have one more season to give it a shot. OK, diatribe over. Mercedes asks Rachel about her first time, and it’s sweet and sad because it’s about Finn. Rachel advises Mercedes to just go with her gut. Mercedes is worried she won’t be any good when the time comes, and Rachel tells her that it’ll be ok because Sam will make sure she’s safe and comfortable.
Tensions are running high with Klaine. Kurt ditched Blaine for their commute to school, and Blaine wants to talk it out. If Kurt has learned anything from Santana, it’s how to avoid unnecessary lesbian processing. Instead, they angry sing “Love is a Battlefield” at each other. The staging is very cool. It even has bowstick-ography. Kurt, I get that you are upset, but it’s just a teensy bit of porn. Not the entire Falcon Studio collection. What 19-year-old of any gender or orientation, hasn’t taken a peek or two? When they change into their fencing uniforms, things get serious and they really go at each other. The aggressiveness is a little surprising on both ends, and Blaine ends up bowing out, hurt and embarrassed.
Later that night, Sam takes Mercedes out to the diner where Kurt works. I wonder if Kurt had to be the one to let Dani know that Santana broke up with her. Awkward. Sam is trying to treat Mercedes and asks for one of those fancy milkshakes with the gold flecks in it. Mercedes is concerned that this is all a ploy to get in her pants, which, it probably is. Sam does genuinely want to make her happy though. Artie and Julie also show up, and Artie is still freaked out about his diagnosis. All he can think about are STDs, which makes ordering diner food even less appealing. I mean, have you had a California salad? It’s Jell-O and cottage cheese, people. Artie just can’t take it and before they can even order their Egg Creams, he blurts out that he doesn’t think they should have sex yet. Julie is thoroughly weirded out because sex isn’t what she was thinking about, ten minutes into their first date. The four lovebirds take a walk along the East River, and Mercedes busts out Janet Jackson‘s, “Let’s Wait a While” which is one of the finer abstinence anthems. Artie joins in, singing to Julie, who looks like she just wants to go home and take a Silkwood shower.
Back at their apartment, Mercedes drops a bomb on Sam. She’s decided to wait unit marriage to have sex. She just can’t have sex with any old someone. Sam, is hurt, and more so confused. He’s not sure what would make their relationship different than just being good friends. He asks for time to think about it.