“Glee” recap (5.12): It’s Brittana, Bitch

Here’s what you missed on Glee: New Directions didn’t win Nationals so Sue promised to shut down glee club, but for real this time. No, seriously. For real. For real, you guys.

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One of the weirdest things about human beings is we’re all so very caught up in our own narcissistic deal that is blows our mind grapes wide open when the world keeps on spinning in our absence. And so it is that Rachel and Mercedes are completely bamboozled that there’s no red carpet or confetti or even just a parking lot parade to mark their return to McKinley for the newest last time that Sue has finally destroyed New Directions for now. Their main thing, though, is that they want the other one to admit to being the silver medalist in the Diva Olympics. First leg of the competition: Rachel’s front-and-center chair in the choir room, which Rachel snags, which prompts Mercedes to for real say: “Excuse me while I take my place at the back of the bus.”

Will thanks everyone for wading into the vortex of unmovable time to say goodbye to glee club, and your level of enjoyment of this episode is going to be in direct proportion to the thump your heart did (or didn’t do) when you saw Quinn and Puck and Brittany (sitting next to Santana!) back in the choir room. My heart did a triple-thump.

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This week’s assignment is to re-sing songs, and here to kick things off is April Rhodes, pulling a trolley full of liquor behind her and prepping for “Raise Your Glass.” Blaine reminds her that it was the Warblers who did that one, but she’s not fussed. Her glass is already raised.

Puck wanders the hallways in his uniform, looking more like a 31-year-old man than ever, voicing-over about how the past is the past is the past — and then he spots Quinn at the end of the hall and realizes the past is giving him a present. A Dianna Agron-shaped present. Truly, the best shape of any present. He asks her out to Breadstix, but they’re interrupted by Nate Archibald who has apparently escaped from Dan “Lonely Boy” Humprhey’s NSA-caliber surveillance tactics by joining the Witness Protection Program and enrolling in Yale with the name Biff McIntosh, heir to the McIntosh apple fortune. Jesus, that’s the most Nate Archibald cover story I have ever heard in my life. Whatever, though; the eyebrows don’t lie. It’s him. And he knows less about Quinn’s past than she knows about his.

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Brittany is solving complex quantitative algorithms in an empty classroom when Santana busts in and demands to know what she’s doing. The answer is math. Always math. And not in that cool Adventure Time way where “math” is a coded swear word. At MIT, Brittany spends all her time hooked up to various neurological tracking devices proving theorems.

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