“Glee” recap (5.08): Santana Claus is Coming to Town


Unique and Tina and Marley perform “Mary’s Boy Child” and sound awesome even though they look kind of weird. Did anyone else notice how jacked the choreography was in this episode? Is it an editing blunder or is it really just that hackey? When Chris Colfer is doing his hips like he does in this episode and Santana is dressed like she’s dressed and all I can think about is the weird choreography, something’s wrong. Anyway, Kitty storms out after their performance, so the New Directions huddle up and figure out how they can make Kitty take the role so she can feel worthy of whatever reclaimed virgin True Love Waits horseshit. It’s a lame thing, but I don’t care because it results in “the most sacrilegious and profane horror show I have ever seen,” and I mean that in the best possible way


Every time I write a Glee recap, I know I’m going to piss of some faction of fandom, but this week I think I may be buying my ticket to actual hell, because “Love Child” is one of my favorite performances of all time. OK, because it’s Tina and Marley and Unique all sequined up like The Supremes and a black, transgender teenager is pregnant with our Lord and Savior, singing about “Love child, never meant to be! Love child, born in poverty!” And then Unique gives birth to the Baby Jesus and he’s black and they toss the doll around and I only wish Jerry Falwell could be alive to see this, I really do. You know Pat Robertson’s noggin just exploded all over the place. James Dobson’s blood pressure rose so high his brain melted out of his ears. Unique sounds amazing, as per. Her voice is heaven.

Well, Kitty is horrified and so she agrees to be the Virgin Mary in the nativity.

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New Directions performs “Away in a Manger” on school property, even though in real life, they’d be leading the charge to keep that wall of separation between church and state firmly in place. It’s pretty. It’s a pretty arrangement. But the camera keeps zooming in on baby Becky-Jesus and it makes me feel weird. My favorite part of this song is when the cows wake up baby Jesus with their incessant moo-ing but he doesn’t even cry about it because he’s Jesus.

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