“Glee” recap 5.01: All You Need Is Love

 
 

Could anything make McKinley better than it already is today? Mmm hmm. Witness the triumphant return of Sue Sylvester. After Becky confessed to bringing a gun to school and began serving a one-month suspension, the school board asked Sue to return — as principal. Maaaaaybe her appointment to the position had something to do with all the illegal contraband she planted in Figgins’ office. But maybe not. Maybe she just got the job based on swagger. Who’s to say, really? The point is that Jane Lynch is back, bitches.

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Kitty and Artie hide their love away in the astronomy classroom, all forlorn and moody, like the one billion other New Directioners who have hidden their love away here over the years.

At McKinley High School, a couple is not officially a couple until they make a formal announcement in choir rehearsal, so Blaine does just that as soon as he and Kurt have sealed the deal. Everyone is like, “Hurrah!” Until he says the next thing about how he’s going to propose, and then they’re all: *crickets*. Except, of course, for Sam, whose overenthusiastic whooping and hollering and fist-pumping freak out even Blaine. Sam tries to get a cheer going: “I say ‘Gay Marriage,’ you say ‘Good!’ GAY MARRIAGE…” But no one joins in. They all think Blaine and Kurt are way, way, way too young to get married.

But Blaine’s not finished unveiling his wackadoodle idea: He wants to get Vocal Adrenaline, the Warblers, and Haverbrook School for the Deaf to help him propose. So, the group who kept beating out New Directions at show choir competitions when Kurt was in school (and terrorized Unique for being transgender, btw), the group that includes Hunter Clarington of “blow my whistle” fame, and that group of deaf kids New Directions patronized with a whole other Beatles song one time. Artie gets it, though: Show choirs putting aside their differences for the common goal of love is symbolic of the way politicians and religious groups need to put aside their differences for love. It’s a nice little speech; my only wish is that they’d get The Rosedale Mennonites to perform also. Those guys were awesome. Blaine and Sam round-up all the show choirs by bursting into their rehearsals and running at them full throttle like a couple of bulls in rodeo situation and shout-singing “Help!” All the groups agree to help, but the Haverbrook School for the Deaf gets the last laugh.

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Someone else who needs some help is Tina, who finds herself, once again, without an opportunity to sing or speak, and with the object of her once vapo-rized feelings cavorting up and down the seashore making gay wedding plans. So she turns her attention toward Artie. She peeped him peeping Kitty with heart-shaped cartoon eyeballs so she knows they’re dating on the sly. He explains about social capital and she explains that she will be handling that information in the most Tina Cohen-Chang way possible.

New York, New York. Rachel and Santana are working another shift at the Spotlight Diner when the Funny Girl director and leading fella drop by for like a 27-dollar hamburger because twenty-seven dollars is what you pay for a hamburger on Broadway. They’re in Santana’s section, but Rachel pushes Santana out of the way (naturally) to march over and tell them she’s a star. They don’t mock her or anything, but they do drop the hard truth on her: Every server in this restaurant and half the people in this city think they’re stars. Maybe she is, or maybe she’s just like everyone else. And oh, ho! She decides to show them! With karaoke!

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She and Santana duet on “Hard Days Night” and it’s good and all but the main thing my brain seems to be stuck on is Santana in those red leather boots. Another thing my brain did was put her in a Wonder Woman costume in those boots and no offense to Sam and Blaine’s heroic antics or anything, but holy crap would Naya Rivera make an awesome Wonder Woman. Anyway, the song is fine, but as soon as it’s over, Rachel is like, “WE’VE GOT TO GO!” And drags Santana out of the diner so they can make out fly to Lima for Blaine’s proposal. Man, the tips must be phenomenal at Spotlight Diner! Same-day airfare costs a million dollars!

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