Blaine decides to leave the drama of McKinley behind and go engagement ring shopping with the girl who sleep-straddled him and the boy he intimately serenaded with a Phil Collins song not too terribly long ago. It’s legitimately they gayest thing this show has ever done, and I’m including “Turkey Lurkey” in that assessment. Tina picks out a ring that would suit her just fine and Sam shows up to explain that while Blaine wants to do him, he doesn’t want to marry him. Patty Duke, proprietor of Lima’s gold emporium, pulls Blaine aside and asks if he has any mentors or role models in his life who can help him make a wise decision about getting married. Blaine says, “Will Schuester of New Directions?” And Patty Duke says, “No, then? OK, allow me and Meredith Baxter to assume that role in your life, starting tonight at Breadstix.”
I want Patty Duke and Meredith Baxter to mentor me! Move over, Blaine! You’re not even old enough to remember Family Ties!
OK, so at Breadstix, Kurt and Blaine enjoy some delicious pizza and a lovely, empowering message about how far marriage equality has come in America, and how far it still has to go. Patty Duke and Meredith Baxter couldn’t even go to prom together when they were teenagers. They had to disguise their date as a big group outing. Even just a few years ago, they couldn’t hold hands in public. And now the Supreme Court is deciding on Prop. 8 and DOMA and 11 states have made it legal for gay folks to get married. Times are changing. It really is getting better. It seems like Patty Duke is setting the stage for Blaine to pop the question, but then she flips it on its head and asks Meredith Baxter to be her wife! Kurt gets all teary and googly eyed about how this is the sweetest thing he’s ever seen and Blaine stuffs his engagement ring into his pocket, all, “Sigh. Yeah. I guess.”
Oh, darling Warbler, you’re going to have to get up awfully early to out U-Haul a couple of elderly lesbians.
Santana really does arrive in Lima an instant after Sam calls her, and Brittany immediately invites her onto Fondue for Two, heartbreaking tagline: “Brittana is Real.” Despite Lord Tubbington’s most ardent protests (editorial continuity is really important to him), Santana shuts the whole thing down. She doesn’t want to have an on-camera conversation with Brittany. She doesn’t want the pantomime. She wants to talk to her Brittany, the real Brittany, and so Brittany agrees. She says she’s got some news that is going to change everything.
Regionals! At last! Someone besides Darren Criss and Kermit the Frog sing “Rainbow Connection,” which is incorrect. And then the Hoosier Daddies take the stage. Before Jessica Sanchez gets awesome, Brittany has a confession to make: She got accepted to MIT. They want her to come to college straightaway. That’s why she’s been acting out.