Bushwick, New York
Rachel and Kurt are waiting in the Hummelpezberry Loft to have their weekly confrontation with Santana. You know it’s going to be a serious one when Santana drags a dumpster-diver chair into the loft and they don’t even flip out about bed bugs. Whatever Kurt is wearing is one of the best things Kurt has ever worn. Park Ranger Chic, I guess, is what you would call it. Well, Kurt and Rachel have been talking and they’ve decided that Santana is throwing her life away. She splits her time these days between three jobs: Dancer/bartender at the Coyote Ugly Bar, bouncer at a lesbian beer garden, Barbarella cage dancer. (Wherever did you get that costume idea, Lopez?) Santana rebuffs their rebukes because: a) Some people have to work to make it in the big city, and b) Kurt doesn’t have any room to talk because apparently he works a second job as a singing waiter at the Fire Island pancake shack.
OK, HOLD UP.
You mean to tell me that Santana has been dancing around in a cage in a Barbarella costume and Kurt has been singing and slinging pancakes on Fire Island, and instead of seeing those greatest things in the world, I have been subjected to six full hours of watching Ryder type on a computer? Seriously, Glee? SERIOUSLY?
Santana says she’s still sorting out her dreams.
Vogue.com offices. Everyone is in the mood for heart-to-hearts today. Isabelle sits Kurt down and tells him that even though they miss him at his job, she would never stand in the way of a person as beautiful as him pursuing his dreams. Kurt, hilariously: “Thank you, fairy godmother!” And then Isabelle hits him with even more magical news: The celebrity handler she hired for the New York City Ballet Gala succumbed to chicken pox thanks to Barbara Walters, so she needs Kurt to take over. He’s welcome to invite either of his supernaturally gorgeous best friends, if he wants.
(There’s also this really funny thing in this scene where SJP keeps saying “Darren” and “Christopher” over and over again. She’s talking about Darren Aronofsky and Chris Nolan, both of whom will be attending this gala, apparently, but at first it seems like some weirdo meta Darren Criss/Chris Colfer thing.)