“Glee” recap 4.20: Santana Baby


Kitty, for one, is not amused. She invites Ryder out to dinner and tells him that she also was molested when she was in middle school, by her best friend’s brother at a slumber party. And also like Ryder, she was the object of ridicule and scorn and a whole lot of victim blaming when she finally came out with the truth. That’s how come she changed schools and also how come she’s so surly. They hold hands and understand each other for a little while — but by the next afternoon, Ryder’s back to pouring all of his hopes and dreams and fears into Tom Riddle’s diary.

Speaking of Slytherins, Sue Sylvester has a new job: Freelance Champion. Down at the 23 Hour Fitness, she’s offering her expertise in personal training to people who like to cry. Also, she does a Big Gay Boot Camp, the likes of which you have scarcely seen even in your most tripped out daydreams. Attending said boot camp is Blaine Warbler, who is just thrusting and gyrating and twirling and crunching and stretching and flipping and writhing and sweating to beat the band. One of the other boot camp gays checks him out hard, but Blaine’s face is like, “Nope. I learned these moves because the love of my life loves Richard Simmons.”

After class, Sue allows Blaine to speak to her because he didn’t die. Also, “Fact: If I hadn’t mistaken you for a butch Israeli gal, I would never have let you in here.” He tells her he knows there’s more to the gun story than what she told and also he’s worried about the Cheerios because Coach Roz is trying to make them have their ribs removed so they’ll be lighter and more flexible. Sue says she’s over it, says she’s moved on, but that Blaine is welcome back to Big Gay Boot Camp anytime.

Sue has not moved on, though. In fact, she stalks out Cheerios practice that very afternoon, where she finds Becky dressed exactly like her. Becky has quit the Cheerios because Coach Roz has it out for her because she thinks she’s Sue’s daughter. Cue fantasy sequence in which Jane Lynch crushes it with “Little Girls” from Annie. Isn’t it crazy-awesome that Carol Burnett played her mom on Glee and now Jane Lynch is going to be doing Miss Hannigan on Broadway? Love those ladies. After her song, Sue says she doesn’t miss the Cheerios. Not at all. Even though she gave them 95 of the best years of her life.

Before the blackout is over, Coach Roz drags Becky to Figgins’ office to complain about how she’s undermining her authority by making crude noises every time Roz blinks. “You can’t insult the sultry and mysterious Coach Roz Washington. She is an African-American treasure,” Figgins tells Becky. It seems like Becky is going to confess to the gun thing, and who knows how Glee is going to play it, but I sure hope we don’t lose her. Her face is one of my favorites.

Finally, the power is restored to McKinley, just in time for New Directions to realize they don’t need it. They close it out with an a capella rendition of “The Longest Time.” Marley Rose — bless her — tries to do some moves like she’s heard about from Big Gay Boot Camp. She is not successful. I guess that means we need to see more training sessions in Big Gay Boot Camp.

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