Brittany’s Bedroom. Sam watches Brittany coo and coddle Lord Tubbington, trying to get right with him even though he’s an active member of the Ku Klux Klan for Kats and also one time reported her for being a mouse serial killer. She’s pretty sure LTubs is still mad at her so Sam suggests that glee club could sing his favorite song to him, because in the world of Lima, OH, there’s no higher form of affection than expressing your deepest, most vulnerable thoughts to another person through song while in the company of one dozen teenagers and a full jazz ensemble.
To wit: Ryder stalks down Katie and drags her to the choir room where he serenades her with a very lovely rendition of Elton John‘s “Your Song.” The most important thing about this scene, though, is that Brad the Piano Man is back. Hey, Brad! Hey, buddy! Also, I never get tired of the gag where a non-New Directions person is getting sung at intimately for the first time and is always like, “Who are these other 20 people in the room?” And whatever glee club kid is all, “The band, duh.” After the song, Katie says she’s really flattered to have been fawned over by local celebrity Ryder Lynn, but also she is not Katie. She says Ryder is getting catfished and then hilariously exposits the meaning of the phrase, even invoking Manti Te’o‘s name right out loud.
Ryder takes it about as well as you’d imagine, rushing out into the hallway to holler at and cry all over Marley and Jake. He thinks they’ve been messing with him as punishment for falling for Marley, but they assure him that the only punishment they are interested in is some 50 Shades of Teenage Threesomes.
Going into “Shooting Star,” everybody knew this was a school shooting episode, and so everything leading up to the actual shooting is filmed in an eerie, dissonant way that makes you question whether or not every student has a gun. Brittany gets two twirly-dolly, camera-staring monologues. Ryder is unhinged. In just a second, Bieste and Will’s dinner is introduced like voyeurism. Plus the music is basically just this one piano going, “Are you freaked out yet? Are you? Are you?” (Answer: Yes! The first time I watched this thing I didn’t breathe for like 43 straight minutes!)
New New Directions gather to perform a moving rendition of “More than Words” to Lord Tubbington. If you don’t live with a cat, this probably seems like some real bullshit to you. But if you do live with a cat, you understand the necessity of making offerings on the regular. My cat, Nala Jane, she would spit right in my face if I tried to placate her with a song like this, though. She likes her offerings Old Testament-style. Dead doves and baked goods for worship, poultry for peace, goats and/or lambs for my weekly sin offering, and one whole ram as penance for my most grevious tresspasses. Sam continues to be a little put out by Brittany’s myopic adoration of her beloved pet. Probably because he knows LTubs is a hardcore Brittana shipper.