“Glee” recap 4.14: The Bitch-Goddess Spectrum

Also doing it: Ali Stroker and Artie, Rachel and Finn. Not doing it: Jake and Marley. Because Jake is saving himself for Ryder.

After all the sexes, Kurt gets dressed while Blaine sits on the bed and says, “Tell me again how we’re not back together.” Kurt tries to tell him, but with exactly zero conviction. And Blaine calls him on it: “Don’t. I’m not going to let you minimize this, Kurt. It’s no accident that we were together on Christmas and again on Valentine’s Day. And we’re going to be together for many, many more, no matter how much you pretend that this doesn’t mean anything.” Blaine puts Kurt’s jacket on him, dusts off his shoulders, and when Kurt says he’ll meet him downstairs, leaps backwards onto the bed making a face like one of those tiny cupcakes Kurt loves so goddamn much.

And over in Santana and Quinn’s room: Quinn falls back onto the bed in slow-motion all blissed out smiles and bed head. She goes, “So that’s why college girls experiment.” And Santana says, “And thank God they do.” They’re so sexy right now I can’t even handle it. It’s seems so natural for them to be like this, right? Like, of course it finally happened. Or maybe I just wanted it to happen for so long it feels right to me? Or maybe I did this exact same thing, wedding and all, one time or two times or ten times or something when I was figuring my own sexuality out. Quinn starts hedging her bets about how it was a one-time thing, but Santana tells her to calm down. It’s a U-Haul-free zone up in here. She says, “You could walk out first. Or, we could make it a two-time thing?” Quinn smirks, takes a sip of water, and lunges back across the bed.

Back at McKinley, Blaine and Kurt tell Tina they’re going to find her an actual, not-gay boyfriend. Marley tells Ryder she knows that he was behind Jake’s Valentine’s Day gifts. And Finn tells Will to get out there and drag Emma home to his cave by her hair. Back in Bushwick, Brody tells Rachel he spent two days decorating the loft for Valentine’s Day. A flashback, however, says that Brody is a prostitute. And a flashforward says that Brody is a father. (Better start hooking double-time, guy!)

The finale montage is “Anything Can Happen,” and after seeing Glee give gay and lesbian viewers the equal sexytime treatment they’ve been begging for for ages, I’m actually starting to believe that might be true.

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