“Glee” recap 4.14: The Bitch-Goddess Spectrum

Outside, the sun is shining. The birds are singing. The grass is — holy hell, Kurt and Blaine are fully making out in the backseat of a car! What! WHAT! OK, so Kurt is on top of Blaine, just kissing him and grinning at him and babbling adorably about how this doesn’t mean they’re back together and Adam’s Apples or whatever, and Blaine is smiling back at Kurt like Christmas morning agreeing with whatever words are coming out of his mouth. “Yeah, yeah, we’re just bros helping bros.” Lips are sucked, breaths are gasped, shirts are tugged, bowties are stroked, Tumblrs are exploded. There’s a knock on the car door. It’s upside-down Mercedes. She needs arm-gays. GO AWAY, MERCEDES! GO! WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU!

Er, sorry. No. I’m always glad to see Mercedes. I miss her. I do miss her. I was caught in a moment. Well, so Kurt and Blaine climb out of the car, legitimately trying to hide their boners — like, that’s actually a thing that is happening on-screen that is not my imagination. Gay guys like to have sex and also they have erections and there’s no reason not to talk about it because it’s as normal as every other sex thing you see on TV every ten minutes, is what Fox just told me.

Inside the chapel, Emma is readying her veil in the mirror when Sue Sylvester steps up behind her wearing an exact replica of her wedding dress. It’s amazing. Everything Jane Lynch does in this episode is amazing. She plops down in a chair and starts munching on appetizers and sipping champagne and clowning on Will and Finn’s love affair. Obviously, Emma ditches her own wedding, because she was always going to ditch her own wedding, but it’s hard to be sad about it because it results in three breathtaking things right in a row:

1) Jayma Mays absolutely slaying “(Not) Getting Married Today.”

2) Becky the Flower Girl marching down the aisle pelting everyone in the face with rose petals.

(Source: cupboardundersomestairs)

3) Brittany legitimately going, “You look so good!” and snapping a photo of Sue as she twirls down the aisle in Emma’s gown.

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