Brody explains the Midnight Madness like it’s some kind of vocal deathmatch, which would actually be a good way to lose some of these new characters no one seems to care about. The song the NYADA fight club chooses is Jean Valjean’s “Bring Him Home,” and I don’t mind telling you that just the three notes from Chris Colfer moved me in a way that Tom Hooper’s entire film did not. Adam of Adam’s Apples is in attendance and has strategically placed himself at the very edge of the stage so he can experience the maximum impact of Kurt’s voice and also so he can sit by him and maybe hold his hand or at the very least smile self-deprecatingly at him in that special adorable way British people do. (Snicks at AfterElton.com says Adam looks like homeless Neil Patrick Harris. It’s the most correct description I have ever heard.) The song is gorgeous. They both sound incredible. Kurt wins by half a note.
All of Rachel’s hopes — well, the Funny Girl revival ones, at least — are dashed. Kurt lets her fall down about seven notches before he gently prods her back up four notches, just enough that she’s still Rachel Berry, but without the flash cards and the sycophants.
Speaking of whom: Kurt tests out Adam’s boyfriend potential by measuring his ability to listen to him talk about Rachel’s need and feelings for hours and hours. Adam, however, is more interested in talking about how Kurt deserved to win the sing-off and also about how he should stop hiding his light under a bushel. Rachel’s minions, the same ones who were clowning on Kurt and his Apples ten minutes ago, run up to him and talk real fast about how he’s the bee’s knees and how he just has to do whatever Broadway kid thing with them. Kurt, verbatim:
I don’t think so. I think you both are shallow and obnoxious. And I think the only reason run around kissing everyone’s as is because you know you’ll never make it on your own. And another thing: If you say one more nasty thing about Adam’s Apples, I will challenge you to the next Midnight Madness. And we all know how that ends.
Kurt, dude. You are better than a diva. You are a goddamn caped crusader and I love you with all of my whole heart. Also in love, or at least in the verrrry smitten range of emotion is Adam. The way he look at Kurt, it’s — I think loving Kurt Hummel gives boys an immediate and incurable case of heart eyes, like, “Just watching you tie your shoelace blows me the fuck away.” He tells Kurt that he’s impressive, but Kurt doesn’t hear the implied and let’s make out right now because he’s the best best friend and he has to go stitch Rachel back together.
Back in their loft, Kurt and Rachel are enjoying a quiet night in when someone knocks at the door. Santana has made one last loop around McKinley High: the lockers, the classrooms, the theater, the foyer. “Girl on Fire” is the song of her new life, and she owns it. She has walked out the front doors of her high school, for real this time, and walked up the steps of the New York City subway. And now here she is. Rachel and Kurt are both like, “Santana?” And she goes, “Let it burn, baby. Let it burn. Snix is home.”
Next week: Blaine takes Tina to Will and Emma’s wedding, where she flips the cake in a moment of incandescent rage when Blaine forgets to thank her for brushing his teeth after she clubbed him over the head and knocked him out last night. Rachel hooks up with Finn, Blaine hooks up with Kurt, Quinn hooks up with Santana, and gay Twitter blows up the entire internet.
Mega thank yous to my screencapping partner, Lindsay (@scenicpenguin)! She’s a caped crusader too!