“Glee” recap (4.10): Brampocalypse Now

Story the fifth: Sue draws Marley’s mom’s name out of Beiste’s secret Santa satchel and is furious until she overhears Marley and her mom talking in the cafeteria about how they’ve got to save their holiday pennies this year to get Marley some help for her eating disorder. This isn’t a joke. I don’t want you to think I’m messing with you like before. Marley’s mom actually invokes the words “eating disorder” without any kind of shame-tossing or guilt-tripping or, “Oh, just eat a damn sandwich!” She knows it’s a real thing in Marley’s head and she also knows she needs professional help to see herself as she really is. Sue is moved by the sentiment and by Marley’s rendering of “The First Noel.” I also am moved, not only by the song and the sweetness of Mrs. Marley, but also by the fact that Glee got this one right.

Marley and her mom wake up on Christmas morning and it’s positively post-ghost Dickensian under their Christmas tree. New clothes from Benetton wrapped in shiny paper and loads of therapy dollars in their stockings. Sue and Becky watch from the window while Marley cries tears of relief and joy and also suggests that they should probably call the cops.

At Breadstix, Bieste tells Sam and Brittany that they’re not really married because the Mayan Empire doesn’t really ordain priests online because the Mayan Empire kind of got conquered by Spanish Conquistadors in the 16th century. They’re pretty bummed it’s not the end of the world, so Bieste fakes a Google News alert text to tell them the world really is ending … in 2014. Or when the pyscho insane rage-fueled Lesbian Blogger Community sets the world on fire. Because they’re so irrationally scary.

In New York, Blaine and Burt watch the Celtics/Knicks game, and Kurt reads Vogue. Burt wants to know what Blaine’s got up his sleeve to keep Kurt from getting real serious real fast about Oliver Kieran-Jones, head of NYADA’s glee club and bona fide beefcake. Blaine says he’s thinking about applying to NYADA if it’s OK with Kurt. Kurt’s face is impassive, but he says he thinks it’s a really good idea.

At McKinley, Marley’s mom tries to return Sue’s money, but Sue won’t hear it. She made a pretty penny selling her golden Christmas tree on the luxury toothpick market, and she knows what it’s like to be a single mom. She scowls, though, when she gets an invite to watch New Directions perform “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.”

In Lima, the glee club sings it. Marley’s lookin’ adorable in her new jaunty winter hat. In Breadstrix, the Puckerman brothers and Brittany and Sam sing it. And in New York, Kurt and Blaine sing it while setting the table for Christmas dinner and setting the stage for their whole holiday life together. Look, whatever. I love them, OK? Blaine pulls out Burt’s chair for him. He promised Kurt he’d take care of him and he meant it. They sing a little more and Blaine looks at Kurt and his heart is full of love and his eyes are full of tears and all he wants from Kurt is gay Yuletides forever.

An enormous thank you, as always, to my screencapping partner, Lindsay (@ScenicPenguin) and a happiest of happy holidays to you all.

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