Cassandra July will not be teaching Dance 101 today, because the budget of this episode is already bursting at the seams with the returning cast plus the new cast plus the Old New Directions adults plus SJP. Instead, Brody is teaching the class, which, of course, causes Rachel to make such a scene of “How dare you!” and “Don’t touch me!” and whatever. Brody tells her that she would have boned Cassandra July too, given the chance, and Rachel cannot dispute the claim. She invites Brody to the Hummelberry Orphan Thanksgiving as an apology for being insane, and he accepts. He’s like, “Should I bring Cass for a threesome?” And she’s like, “Probably — well, no. Kurt would be extra lonely if he had to listen to that noise coming from my bedroom all day. He’s very scared of the zoo.”
At Vogue, Kurt and Isabelle have a heart-to-heart about Blaine and Thanksgiving and being an orphan in New York City during the holidays, and I’ve got to say, I was a little bit worried about SJP in this role just because Sex and the City 2 kind of made me retroactively hate the whole show, I think, but she is just so wonderful. She is the anti-Hudson, the anti-Schuester. There’s nothing patronizing about how she interacts with Kurt, no thinly veiled need to be validated as a worthwhile human being because she has the capacity to mentor with love. There’s a heartfelt wisdom behind her words (and, of course, she’s the Yoda of being single in New York City), so when she tells Kurt that, in her experience, accepting someone’s apology is often the way to find the closure you need to move on with your life, he really hears her. And also, she agrees to journey way the hell out to Bushwick for his Thanksgiving, as long as she can bring some friends.
Kitty is taking notes from Quinn about how you’re always doing the judges a favor if you give them a little smile or a wink. Dianna Agron has had more screen time in this episode than she did in the entire third season. Santana busts up their mentoring session to tell Quinn that her girl is a sociopathic laxative-pusher. She discovered it when she was rifling through Marley’s bag (just another privilege of mentorship!) during rehearsals. They way Quinn and Santana express their love and concern for one another is by shouting horrible things that are all very true. They’re the only people with balls big enough to say the things that need to be said, but they’re both so goddamn terrified of being vulnerable for five seconds that they can only achieve their love through hollering. Quinn says she went to “Jodie Foster‘s clambake” earlier this semester, which is an obvious euphemism for finally giving in to her bi-curious side, and, in fact, I will now be saying “Jodie Foster’s clambake” when referring to all lesbian sex acts. Also, she is dating a 35-year-old professor who smokes a pipe and is married, because of course she is.
Santana says Quinn is still letting men define her, Quinn says Santana is hiding in Kentucky because she’s too scared to follow her dreams, Santana calls Quinn’s lover “Professor Patches,” Quinn slaps Santana, Santana slaps Quinn, Brittany walks in and shouts, “Hey, what are you guys doing!” like she’s had to do about a billion times before. Santana is more than a little turned on when she muses that Quinn was always a genius slapper.