Rachel and Kurt walk arm-in-arm through the halls of McKinley like so many million times before. They reminisce about their old lockers and how Kurt was able to hide his gayness from Mercedes for about five minutes back in season one. As if summoned by their nostalgia, Mercedes shows up and they all hug and squeal and we finally find out that Mercedes is working it ’round the clock in Los Angeles, doing the UCLA thing and the back-up singer thing and the hanging out with Puck thing. Is it too much to ask for the back half of this season to return every character to McKinley and have them pretend that the first half of the season was a collective fever dream?
Now, just to be clear, Kurt came here to see Blaine, right? That was his expressed reason for flying to Lima, OH, correct? He’s not sleeping, he’s not eating, he’s barely functioning as a human being because his heart is shattered into one badrillion tiny pieces, yeah? Then how come when he’s walking and talking with Rachel, he’s like, “Man, I sure hope I don’t run into Blaine, because that would be awkward“? Well, the best place not to find Blaine, of course, is backstage at the musical in which he’s starring. When he almost accidentally literally runs right into Kurt, and then looks up and realizes it’s actually Kurt, he looks like what happens when your heart gets punched in the face. Like he can’t breathe and also like he’s going to break down into tears of relief and anguish because the only thing worse than not seeing Kurt again is seeing Kurt again.
Finn lumbers into the scene and says something about how the four of them have been through a lot together or whatever. This episode is has way too many plotlines and ten thousand scenes, so I understand the need to consolidate this meet-and-greet, but I really do wish the writers wouldn’t juxtapose Klaine and Finchel like this. They’re not the same. Rachel and Finn are classic teenage sweethearts who barely have anything in common when they’re attending the same high school, and certainly don’t have anything in common six months out of high school, and yeah, that’s a hard reality, but it’s real life. Kurt and Blaine, on the other hand, are the real damn deal, and ten years from now, they should be telling their daughter the story of Prince Warbler and his Teenage Dream while walking their Bichon Frise through Central Park and eating ice cream.
I guess these guys are performing Grease out of order because Sandy and Danny haven’t even been on-stage together yet, apparently, but it’s time for “Beauty School Drop Out.” Blaine nails it because being a teen angel is as natural to him as breathing. Kurt watches him and is sad and Blaine watches Kurt watching him and is sad, while Sugar gazes at him like the pink-haired personification of AfterElton.com.