Marley drops by the cafeteria to ask her mom when she started getting fat. Mrs. Marley explains that her weight was always a struggle, especially after she gave birth to Marley, but that Marley shouldn’t worry about it right now, because: a) She is not gaining weight, as evidenced by the fact that her clothes still fit and if she’s so worried about it, how about hop on a scale, and b) Marley has so much going for her besides the fact that she is skinny, like for example her sweetness and her empathy and her vocal skills and her hats. Actually, no. Mrs. Marley explains that the only thing worse than being fat is nothing, so they’ll both start a diet immediately.
Finn wanders into the teachers’ lounge probably because he is looking for the loo and even though he went to this school for four years sometimes he still gets lost. Sue marches across the room in three giant steps and tells Finn to get his no-good, ugly keister off her property before she pumps his guts full of lead. Finn’s sorry about the baby thing, but Sue’s not hearing it. She tells him he has hate in his heart while calling him all sorts of names to prove what it sounds like when a person has hate in her heart, I guess. Oh, and also, she’s taken the liberty of reserving the auditorium for Cheerios practice, so good luck finding a place to stage the musical, Hudson.
Luckily Finn has at his disposal an entire garage where the mechanics are familiar with young men breaking into song and dance at the drop of a hat, thanks to watching Kurt Hummel grow up here. Finn invites the dudes over to practice “Grease Lightning.” After explaining that Grease is all about literal grease, he asks them to perform. The lyrics have been sterilized, the pelvic thrusting has not. In order of thrusting technique: 1) Mike, of course 2) Sam 3) Ryder 4) Jake 5) Jesus 6) Finn. After the performance, Finn tells them to give it another go with twice the energy, which, honestly, sounds a little bit like Eeyore ordering a Red Bull.
At NYADA, Kurt finally admits to being so broken up over Blaine that he’s existing solely on a diet of Ambien and The Notebook. (There’s a cocktail that’ll get you into that costume, Marley!) He wants to go back to McKinley to see Grease. And by “Grease,” he means “the hair gel attached to the hair attached to the head attached to Blaine perfect face.” Rachel thinks it’s one of the worst ideas she’s ever heard, which, coming from Rachel, is saying something. She wants to go for moral support, but also she is broke. Luckily, Cassie is still eavesdropping on every one of Rachel’s conversations, so she be-bops in and says Rachel can have her JetBlue frequent flier miles to book a trip home. Cassandra July is a bitch, but I’m not going to pretend to be mad about watching her stretch like that.
Any other person would be like, “It seems suspicious that you are offering me, your stated archnemesis, a favor as big as a plane. Your motives, are they ulterior?” But Rachel is like, “Of course everyone wants to give me everything I want, and so thank you for those tickets, ma’am.”