Marley and Unique are in the whiz palace chatting about Grease. Unique isn’t going to audition because she wants to play Rizzo and she doesn’t know if this is a transphobic week or not. Sue busts up out of one of the stalls and goes, “Yep! It is!” Blah blah blah Unique is a dude and he can’t play Rizzo. No, Sue won’t stand for it. Blah blah Ryan Murphy character saying horrible cartoonish shit to minority characters as a “jokey” way to make them sympathetic to Real ‘Merica. (See also: Sue Sylvester, seasons 1-3; Ellen Barkin‘s character on The New Normal, every episode ever; NeNe Leakes every now and again, here or there or probably on American Horror Story: Asylum before the last rape is done this season.) Marley is like, “I really wish you wouldn’t talk like that, coach.” And Jane Lynch is like, “Me too, but I signed a 17-year contract, I guess.”
However, Marley and Unique audition to Pink‘s “Blow Me (One Last Kiss)” and it is awesome. They sound great together. This one’s going straight to my work-out mix.
A new day. Will Finn still be creeping ’round McKinley High? Yes. Yes, he will. He corners Ryder in homeroom and explains that Ryder can be Glee 2.0‘s version of Glee 1.0‘s version of High School Musical. “You could be the echo of the the whisper that ricochets off the reflection of the ghost of Zac Efron‘s abs!” It’s an offer Ryder can’t refuse. He tracks down Artie and Finn and tells them he’d love to be in the musical as long as he doesn’t have to sing. Finn is like, “Oh, you. I mean, mini-me. Oh, us!” They sing “Jukebox Hero” together and this is exactly the kind of hell Doc Brown warned us about in Back to the Future when he explained how past selves meeting up with future selves can cause rifts in the space-time continuum and next thing you know, it’s hell demons and this exact juke box scenario.
Ryder is so hopped up on the knowledge that he has been created in the image of Finn Hudson that he gets his flirt on with Marley in the hallway. Jake gives them the side-eye which causes Kitty to give him the side-eye. She marches over to Marley and Quinns her hard up against the lockers. Then she and Jake sign up for Grease because stealing someone’s would-be boyfriend is like a punch to the stomach, but stealing someone’s would-be solo is like a punch to the throat. They sing “Everybody Talks” and it’s pretty great.
I don’t even want to write about this next thing because it’s so stupid. When I think the writers are mistreating Finn, there’s something weird going on. It’s like Neville Longbottom asking Professor Snape to take it easy on Malfoy. So, here’s what happens: Mike and Mercedes and Artie and Finn are casting Grease. Sue overhears Finn say he’s giving the part of Rizzo to Unique, so she calls him into Figgins’ office and says Ohio isn’t ready for a transgender teenager to star in a high school play. I mean, what’s next? Three states voting for marriage equality and two states voting to legalize pot? And so Finn goes, “Golly gee whiz, Coach Sylvester, I thought you of all people would want to see outcasts have a chance to succeed, what with your baby being retarded and everything.” He apologizes right away but Sue glares at him to let him know he’ll be dead by sundown.