“Glee” Recap (4.05): Blow Me

 
 

Previously on Glee, Rachel broke up with Finn, Kurt broke up with Blaine, Santana broke up with Brittany, Emma broke up with Will. Blaine cried, we cried. Brittany cried, we cried. Rachel cried, we cried. Kurt cried, we cried. Santana cried, we cried. Finn cried, we were like, “Shut up, Finn.”

Finn is working at Burt’s garage and feeling pretty crappy about life in general. He blew it with Rachel when he blew it with the Army when he nearly blew his face off his head with his gun. But Artie doesn’t suffer self-pitying sad-sacks so he asks Finn to help him direct the school musical. It was his uncommon idea to perform that little known off-Broadway show called Grease, after all. Finn is like, “Do I get to make decisions for other people and call it heroism, because in terms of getting my life back on track, that’ll be just the thing.” Artie says yes so Finn says yes.

At McKinley, Sam is psyched on Grease, but Blaine isn’t psyched on anything, including food or sleep or even gelling his hair on the weekends because Kurt won’t return his calls. Blaine knows that the only cure for what’s ailing him is to feel his feelings out loud in song, so he auditions with a rendition of “Hopelessly Devoted to You” that would make Olivia Newton-John give him a double high-five. But then, the saddest thing: Singing the song of his heart doesn’t fix him, and that’s how Blaine Warbler knows he’s really broken. He turns down the part of Danny, which Artie and Finn offer him on the spot, because he can’t deal with anything romantical when the love of his life is no longer in his life. (I don’t know what it is about Darren Criss‘ sad-face, but it makes me get real tears in my eyes every time.)

Finn sighs and says, “I’m trying to think of a way to make this about me.” And Artie goes, “Don’t worry, I know that’s your move, so I flew Mercedes in from Los Angeles and Mike Chang in from Chicago to tell you how great you are.” Actually, they’ve flown back to Ohio to be the vocal coach and the choreographer, and my goodness, it is good to see them.

Coach Bieste (hi, Coach Bieste!) is a marriage counselor now. Which: sure, that checks out. Will and Emma go to her for some advice about whether or not Emma should trade her career for an apron and follow Will to D.C. to lobby for arts funding. Will promises that if Emma will follow him now, he’ll follow her later and for all time. Her mouth says, “Ohhhkay” to his mouth, but her face says, “…the hell am I doing right now?” to Bieste’s face.

Finn and Artie are blue because they can’t find a Danny, so Finn goes to Bieste for a pep talk because she’s like the only person on this show who hasn’t given his ego a handjob in at least two episodes. She’s like, “Listen, have you noticed how the new characters on this show are just like the old characters on this show, like there are only five archetypes and one way to write them? Jake is Puck and Marley is Rachel and Kitty is Quinn.” Even Finn is able to crack that code, so he heads on out to the football field to find the new him. The new him is named Ryder. He is a wide receiver. He looks like Aaron Samuels from Mean Girls. Grool.

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