Meanwhile, Rachel confesses to kissing Brody, and so Finn starts singing “Don’t Speak,” and the editing and blocking of this scene were really the only misses of the night for me. (That and every time the writers tried to make me care about Marley and Jake.) The song is way too sudden; it’s a jarring transition from Kurt and Blaine’s conversation. Anyway, blah blah blah don’t speak, you’re losing your best friend, you can’t believe it could be the end. If you didn’t listen to this song in high school every time your straight friend went on a date with a member of the opposite sex, you missed out on a really important gay right of passage. The song ends with both couples in bed, not speaking or sleeping, but staring awkwardly into the darkness.
Finn tries to sneak out the next morning, but Kurt has been awake all night, waiting for Blaine to come out of the bedroom. Finn is at his best when he’s being a brother, and when he asks how Kurt is feeling, Kurt tells him he feels like he’s dying a little bit. You and me both, Hummel. Finn bounces without passing along a message to Rachel.
Lima. Brittany has dragged Santana along to one of the Left Behind meetings, and Santana isn’t even a little bit impressed with Kitty. Her disdain increases tenfold when Kitty sets up an elaborate rapture hoax to scare one of the new students into believing she’s been abandoned by God. Brittany goes along with it for some reason, but I can’t be mad at her because when Santana clowns on the hyperventilating girl sobbing on the floor, Brittany goes, “That’s what it feels like to be left behind! I know! You did it to me!” So, then, is that actual canonical confirmation that Santana Lopez is the messiah?
Finn and Blaine have flown back bright and early and are ready to get their school day started! What’s that you say? Finn doesn’t even go here? Well, he does now. After collapsing into Mr. Schuester’s arms in tears, he has been made an honorary glee club member. His first order of business: Bossing everyone around about which fall musical to perform, duh! It’s gonna be Grease.
It’s a banner day for Will. Not only has his only friend, Finn Hudon, returned to Lima, but also he gets accepted to The Blue Ribbon Panel to Improve Arts Education. “I got accepted to The Blue Ribbon Panel to Improve Arts Education,” he tells Emma. Pack your bags and quit your job and follow me around the country.” Emma’s like, “I wrote you a new pamphlet called ‘I’m Not Your Finn Hudson.’ Enjoy!”
Blaine sends Kurt some red and yellow apology roses, but Kurt throws away the card, even after sighing to his co-worker that Blaine is “the cutest.”
Brittany and Santana meet up in the choir room, and Santana confesses that ever since sophomore year, she would sit on the top row of the risers and count the number of times Brittany would smile at her and die on the days she didn’t. She wants to sing to Brittany because it’s the only way she’s ever been able to get the truth out of her own heart and into Brittany’s heart without all of those pesky filters of insecurity and pride. It’s Taylor Swift’s “Mine” that she chooses, and the way Santana says, “You are the best thing that’s ever been mine,” it sounds like the loveliest thing.
I walked away from this show for a while and it was AfterEllen writer Dorothy Snarker who pulled me back in. She said, “Brittana, for real.” And I said, “And what’s so special about them anyway?” And she sent me the video of Naya singing “Landslide.” And I was like, “Ohhh.” So I rewatched it all and what I found was the brightest gem of actual truth in a mountain of surreal absurdity. Nothing makes more sense to me than a teenage girl who doesn’t know she’s gay falling in love with her best friend without knowing she’s in love. Santana’s blossoming confusion, her frustrated realization, her desperate confession, her stubborn hope. It was all so true. And in the end, she got the girl. This relationship started as a throwaway joke and bloomed into something real and solid and strong. And I believe everything Naya Rivera tells me when she’s singing. It’s the tenor of her voice, the softness of her face, the pleading in her eyes. She could croon about a land made of gum drops where you ride on the backs of pterodactyls and drink gin from the clouds, and I’d be like, “That makes perfect sense.”
After her song, she scoots over next to Brittany and says it’s time for them to do the mature thing, because Santana doesn’t want to be one of those cheating, fizzling, long-distance couples that ends up resenting each other. Brittany says, “I would never cheat on you” and she knows it’s true and so does Santana, so she says she would never cheat either. But she did — and this is actually very, very funny — have an “energy exchange” with a girl who smiled at her too long in the library, which means she was either “crazy or a lesbian.” Her stack of Virginia Woolf books revealed her as the latter. Santana says it’s not an official break-up and that she’ll always love Brittany the most. Brittany says it feels an awful lot like a break-up and that she loves Santana too.
Remember earlier when I said Blaine crying at the piano was the saddest thing in life? I changed my mind. This is what it feels like to get kicked in the soul.