Mr. Schue encounters Jake pretending he’s a badass while riding his razor scooter through the halls of McKinley. The Puckerman blood does not run strong in this one.
Schue lectures him in his uniquely ineffectual way. Jake tells him “you’re not the boss of me” and scooters away. Schue looks mystified that his award-winning teacher skills have failed him.
Jake meets up with Marley, who informs him that all her friends told her to stay away from him but being a girl on Glee she is incapable of existing without a boy in her life. He asks what the Glee club is doing and when he finds out that it’s Britney Spears he scoffs. He would never lower himself to listening to such drivel.
But when Marley wants to do “You Drive Me Crazy” mashed up with Aerosmith’s “Crazy” he is able to instantly call up the melody on his guitar.
The gang gives Brittany the good news that she will be the lead performer at the assembly. She accepts but tells them it will have to be lip-synched. They protest, but they are overruled by Kiki, the not-Siri voice coming out of Brittany’s new phone.
In Rachelonia, it’s time for Rachel to show Ms. July what she can do. They perform “Oops I Did Again” to a tango. And I go to get a soda while the straight male audience gets more affirmation that they are Glee’s new key demographic.
Ms. July pish poshes the performance, even though she was totally digging it. Or maybe she, like me, was just imagining Brody naked.
Rachel reminds her that this is Rachelandia of which she is the Queen, CEO and Grand Pooba and all must love her and despair. Then she goes off on Ms. July about how she is just a washed-up has-been. Cassandra lets her have her tantrum and then throws her out of her class. Bam!
McKinley. Some jerks are asses to Marley’s Mom. Jake takes them on in an act of chivalry that belies his Puckerman roots. Schue grabs him and drags him off before the two much-larger boys turn him into tomorrow’s Chef’s Surprise.
Jake is brought before Puck, who has flown out to Ohio from Los Angeles for a five minute chat. He explains that nothing, not football, not his stint in juvie, not banging every chick in school, none of it made him a man. It was Glee club. Because that’s where a man learns to, uh, sway in the background while others get the spotlight.
The assembly happens and to no one’s surprise, it’s a catastrophe. It seems that while our kids can write, memorize and choreograph a number in a matter of hours, they can’t lip synch to save their lives. For the first time ever, they get booed off the stage.